Breaking the Silence: Addressing Blind Spots for Stronger Relationships - Father Boniface Hicks

07/04/23 • 20 min

In this episode of Father and Joe, Joe Rockey and Father Boniface Hicks delve into the complexities of relationships and the importance of recognizing blind spots. They explore the role of emotions, the impact of shame, and the need for outside help. But just as they start to uncover valuable insights, a shocking revelation leaves them questioning everything. What will happen next? Tune in to find out.
• Gain insights into managing emotions effectively within relationships for deeper connections.
• Grasp the significance of defense mechanisms in fostering emotional resilience.
• Uncover how the autonomic nervous system directly influences our emotional reactions.
• Learn grounding techniques to enhance self-awareness and efficiently regulate emotions.
• Discover the importance of identifying and addressing blind spots in relationships for long-term harmony.
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction,
Joe and Father Boniface continue their conversation on defense mechanisms and emotional strength.
00:00:45 - Overcoming Anxiety and Self-Editing,
Joe shares his personal experience of feeling anxiety and self-editing while recording episodes of the podcast, highlighting the importance of learning from mistakes and striving for improvement.
00:03:00 - Using Gifts to Help Others,
Father Boniface discusses the teaching of using our gifts and abilities to enhance ourselves and help others. He emphasizes the importance of personal growth and how it can positively impact those around us.
00:04:34 - Understanding and Managing Hyper and Hypoarousal,
Father Boniface explains how hyper and hypoarousal are responses to overwhelming situations and how they affect our nervous system. He shares grounding techniques and the importance of self-awareness in managing these responses.
00:12:18 - Expanding Our Window of Tolerance,
Joe discusses the concept of the window of tolerance and how it affects our ability to handle challenging situations. Father Boniface explains how we can expand our window of tolerance through self-awareness and grounding techniques.
00:16:00 - Understanding and Expressing Emotions,
The importance of identifying and expressing emotions in the body is discussed. By incorporating this into conversations without judgment, it can prevent feedback loops and promote understanding. Acceptance of each other's emotions can make a big difference in preventing relational problems.
00:17:20 - Seeking Outside Help,
Sometimes, personal dynamics can be too difficult to work out alone. Seeking help from a third party, such as a friend, therapist, or life coach, can provide a helpful perspective and prevent defensive reactions. Processing emotions with someone not involved in the situation can be beneficial.
00:18:00 - Growing in Self-Knowledge,
Patience and understanding are key in relationships. Knowing how others respond to certain situations and effectively communicating can lead to self-growth and expanding one's window of tolerance. Developing self-awareness and applying these teachings can improve relationships and other aspects of life.
00:18:48 - Applying Teachings in Real Life,
Applying the concept of window of tolerance and understanding emotions in real-life situations is crucial. This helps in strengthening relationships, both personally and collectively. Having uncomfortable conversations and reflecting with important people in our lives can contribute to personal and collective growth.
00:19:34 - Taking Gospel into the World,
Understanding and practicing these teachings is a real-world application of the gospel. Strengthening relationships and groups by improving communication and self-awareness aligns with the mission of spreading the gospel. Encouragement to reflect and have meaningful conversations with

Previous Episode

Father and Joe E322: Improving Emotional Intelligence for Stronger Connections

Do you desire to connect with others on a deeper level and create genuine relationships? If so, you need to understand the power of love. The ability to manage emotions and communicate effectively is crucial in establishing lasting connections. As a guest, Father Boniface Hicks will share the solution to achieving this result, which is enhancing emotional intelligence. By understanding the significance of love in building relationships and learning how to deescalate situations, you can develop a stronger emotional connection with others. Join us as we explore the importance of love in creating authentic relationships.
• Unlock the power of understanding emotions to steer your interactions positively.
• Gain insight into accepting emotions as messages, rather than hindrances.
• Develop skills to calm heightened emotional states using grounding tactics.
• Explore the connection between vulnerability and our protective mechanisms in relationships.
• Grasp the essential role of love in establishing authentic connections.
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction,
Joe introduces Father Boniface Hicks and poses a question about the concept of blame and internalizing problems.
00:03:15 - Defense Mechanisms,
Father Boniface explains that blame is a defense mechanism used to handle pain and that there are many other forms of avoidance and denial.
00:05:27 - Vulnerable Parts of a Person,
Father Boniface explains that blame and defenses are covering up a scared, hurt, overwhelmed, insecure little child or vulnerable parts of a person.
00:07:14 - Importance of Healing and Connection,
Father Boniface explains that stopping defense mechanisms is not enough and there needs to be healing, understanding, connection, and a place for the vulnerable part to be seen and exposed.
00:12:49 - De-escalating Situations,
Father Boniface explains that the key to bringing down defenses is to love and accept the vulnerable part of a person and that this can be communicated through affirmation, acceptance, and a non-judgmental presence.
00:17:08 - Understanding Emotions,
Father Boniface Hicks emphasizes the importance of understanding emotions and not considering them as problems. Emotions give us information and help us learn about ourselves. It's crucial to listen to them and not blame or shame them.
00:19:23 - Dealing with Anxiety,
Father Boniface Hicks shares a personal experience of feeling anxious while teaching a class. He explains how anxiety can stem from a desire to be received and loved, and how to ground oneself in such situations. Taking a deep breath and de-escalating can help in such cases.
00:21:43 - Handling Accusations,
Father Boniface Hicks discusses how accusations can push people into hyper-arousal and make it difficult for them to communicate rationally. He suggests that the accused take a deep breath and de-escalate the situation by asking for some time to settle down.
00:22:08 - Wrapping Up,
The host and guest wrap up the conversation, thanking listeners for their support and inviting them to share the podcast with friends. They also tease a part two of the conversation that will air next week.
Vulnerable Parts of a Person
Recognizing and embracing our vulnerabilities is a crucial step towards personal growth and maintaining strong, genuine relationships. When we acknowledge our vulnerabilities, we take ownership of our feelings and experiences, enabling us to better understand ourselves and others. Embracing vulnerability also allows for more open and honest conversations, fostering greater trust in relationships. During his conversation with Joe Rockey, Father Hicks discussed how understanding the vulnerable aspects of an individual can greatly enhance relationships.

Next Episode

Father and Joe E 324: St. Benedict's Rule: A Blueprint for Freedom and Peace with Father Boniface Hicks

Father Boniface Hicks delves into the transformative impact of St. Benedict on Western civilization, highlighting his rule's promotion of peace, order, learning, and evangelization. But what happens when chaos overwhelms? Find out how St. Benedict's teachings can guide us through the modern world, leaving us longing for answers.

· Uncover the transformative effect St. Benedict had on Western monasticism and civilization, and how it still resonates today.

· Find out why St. Benedict's rule for establishing peace & order continues to serve as a beacon in chaotic times.

· Discover the underestimated power of trust in forging unbreakable relationships, resilient societies, and productive groups.

· Realize the deep-seated link between freedom, trust, and the allure of a harmonious life.

· Learn the art of applying St. Benedict's age-old teachings to steer through the turbulence of modern life.

Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction,
Father Boniface Hicks introduces the topic of the podcast episode, which is the feast of St. Benedict. He mentions that St. Benedict is an important figure for him as a Benedictine monk, but believes that St. Benedict is important for everyone to know about.
00:00:27 - Who is St. Benedict?,
Father Boniface explains that St. Benedict was born 1500 years ago in Norcia, Italy, and became the founder of western monasticism. He discusses the impact of St. Benedict's rule on the spread of monasticism and the establishment of schools, which transformed Western civilization.
00:02:03 - The Impact of St. Benedict,
Father Boniface discusses the importance of St. Benedict's rule in preserving knowledge, agriculture, and order during the chaotic times of the barbarian invasions. He highlights how monasteries became powerful forces for evangelization and the establishment of peace and stability in Europe.
00:04:28 - St. Benedict's Rule,
Father Boniface explains that St. Benedict's rule is not a list of oppressive rules, but a guide to establishing a regular pattern of life that facilitates freedom and charity in a community. He emphasizes the importance of following these rules to create a harmonious and thriving community.
00:08:54 - Embracing the Past and Celebrating St. Benedict,
Father Boniface discusses the significance of embracing the past and recognizing the accomplishments of St. Benedict in laying the foundations of
00:17:03 - The Impact of the Internet on Work Location,
Before the internet, being part of a company required physical presence. The internet changed that, allowing people to choose companies closer to them. However, there is a pressure to be unique and perfect, leading to intolerance and lack of respect within society.
00:17:48 - Guidelines for Society and Group Dynamics,
The lack of respect for others was evident in the rash of plane incidents during COVID. It is important to establish guidelines and basic principles for society and group dynamics. Freedom and trust are key, as opposed to oppressive dictatorship or control.
00:18:35 - Trust and Freedom in Relationships,
Trusting each other to deliver is essential in relationships, whether in companies, families, or society. Trusting God instead of relying on oppressive leaders is important for maintaining trust and freedom.
00:19:15 - The Importance of St. Benedict and Monasticism,
00:20:33 - Applying St. Benedict's Principles Today,