The Temptation of Edward Cullen Ch 7: Lavender Man-fruit Thing

Explicit content warning

09/26/22 • 52 min

We're back!!! We took a little emergency break AGAIN, we're so sorry, but we're back!!! We start off talking about fan theories, then of course we are derailed by: The Road to El Dorado, hating the MCU in 2022, and the role of Amelie in the rise of the alt-right.

We bumble through a recap before launching into Chapter 7: Surprises, and what surprises there were!

Tiaa wakes up, unsure whether or not she really shotgunned Uncle Larry or if it was all a dream. She is somehow EVEN MORE beautiful and ethereal than before, so she is a vampire CONFIRMED. We meet a new friend with an excellent name, and have a run-in with a cheerleader. Ewdard comes along to ruin the fun, and things get RACY.

Check out The Restricted Section, a pro-trans rights, raunchy podcast reading the Harry Potter books chapter by chapter. We were recently guests on their episode on Book 5, Chapter 4, and had an extremely good time.

https://open.spotify.com/show/3KMGbaDOg7bGBcps4SOof7?si=7d6c47362eaf4aa9

https://www.instagram.com/restrictedsectionpod/

You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter @FangfictionPod, or check out our website https://fangfiction.transistor.fm/ to listen to episodes or find links to subscribe to Fangfiction in all the podcast places! You can also sign up for Lucy's Substack at https://lucyhagan.substack.com/ and read some of Zac's excellent fiction at https://h-ne.com/

CONTENT WARNING: mentions of self harm and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. Support is always available.

AUS: Lifeline 24-Hour Telephone Crisis Support 13 11 14 (24 hours)

USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (para ayuda en español, llame al 988) or text HELLO to 741741

UK: National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (open 24/7)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We bumble through a recap before launching into Chapter 7: Surprises, and what surprises there were!

https://open.spotify.com/show/3KMGbaDOg7bGBcps4SOof7?si=7d6c47362eaf4aa9

https://www.instagram.com/restrictedsectionpod/

CONTENT WARNING: mentions of self harm and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. Support is always available.

AUS: Lifeline 24-Hour Telephone Crisis Support 13 11 14 (24 hours)

USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (para ayuda en español, llame al 988) or text HELLO to 741741

UK: National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (open 24/7)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previous Episode

The Temptation of Edward Cullen Ch 6: Throbbing Male Object

CONTENT WARNING: mentions of sexual assault. Normally we would skip all the Uncle Larry content, but in this chapter some of it is necessary for the flow of the story. We censor as much of it as we can, but if that's distressing for you then feel free to skip 32:44-33:00.

News flash: Edward Cullen wears awful outfits!!!! Also, this is NOT the second-to-last episode of the season, sorry Zac! This is Chapter 6: The Curse!

We put out an open call for auditions for unpaid interns to pretend to be us because we are DONE with this goddamn fanfic. Lucy talks about missing writing, and why she's deleting her AO3 account. We then discuss sequels we wish for (sort of) and the sequels we wish would stop being made before doing the laziest recap in the history of Fangfiction and diving into Chapter 6!

Tiaa has written a POEM about Ewdard, so this week's special treat is Lucy doing slam poetry. YOU'RE WELCOME! Then, RED ALERT!!! The plot is MOVING FORWARD! We learn about the curse that could befall Tiaa should she let Ewdard do sex on her, so let's see how long she can resist him. A bunch of things happen that we wish didn't happen, but then the thing we have been waiting and hoping for happens! #SheShotgunnedUncleLarry

Credit for today's theme music goes to Love Me Electric for their extremely excellent punk rock version of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'! You can find the song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_DzZWwYP_4

CONTENT WARNING: mentions of self harm and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. Support is always available.

AUS: Lifeline 24-Hour Telephone Crisis Support 13 11 14 (24 hours)

USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (para ayuda en español, llame al 988) or text HELLO to 741741

UK: National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (open 24/7)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Next Episode

The Temptation of Edward Cullen Ch 8: Pablo Nightmare

We incorrectly thought this was the penultimate episode! We are both completely exhausted, but are enlivened by this absolute BANGER of a chapter, before being supremely let down when we realise that this is in fact the FINAL CHAPTER of Forbiden Fruit!

Zac makes a throwaway joke about burning bookstores that we then labour the point over until we reach a joke we're happy with, on mic. Listen for the thrilling punchline!!! The discussion gets a little more serious than usual as we go over the burnout and creative guilt that we both - Lucy especially - has been feeling in recent months. Lucy, as usual, pours her little heart out, and Zac, as usual, is both very silly and very wise.

Chapter 8: The Kidnap opens in the change room, Tiaa alone but looking AWESOME. We interrupt ourselves with an update from a goffik correspondent! You can check out the scene from Dance of the Vampires with the goffik, German version of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' here. It's absolutely phenomenal. By the time we return to the narrative, Tiaa has returned home and decided to ditch school. Dave comes in and acts like a BOOFHEAD (that's BOOF with a B, for our international listeners), so Tiaa decides to go out and meet Snoofles at PABLO NIGHTMARE, the goffik club that goes off at 4 PM.

Jacob, the WEREWOLF KING manages to kidnap Tiaa, the witch-vampire with a samurai sword, out from under Snoofles' nose. He rubs his wet mushroom penis against her knee, she gasps, and then Edward BURSTS into the room! We're so excited to find out what will happen next!!!!!!!1!1!!!!!2

CONTENT WARNING: mentions of self harm and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. Support is always available.

AUS: Lifeline 24-Hour Telephone Crisis Support 13 11 14 (24 hours)

USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (para ayuda en español, llame al 988) or text HELLO to 741741

UK: National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (open 24/7)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.