en(gender)ed

On this episode of en(gender)ed, our guest is Jess Hill, an investigative journalist who has been researching and writing about domestic abuse since 2014. Jess was listed in Foreign Policy’s top 100 women to follow on Twitter and one of the 30 most influential people under 30 by Cosmopolitan magazine. We speak with Jess today about her book, “See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Abuse” and the issues it addresses with regard to how patriarchy constructs masculinity and its intersection with how society defines abuse, enables it, minimizes it, and misconstrues it. In our conversation, Jess and I also delve into the ways her book and research offers examples of success and disruption that are worth exploring.

During our conversation, Jess and I referenced the following resources and topics:

• The case of Luke Batty in 2014 that started Jess to report on domestic abuse
• Jess' approach as a journalist on how she investigated and told these stories
• Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That?
• Domestic abuse as "coercive control" and Evan Stark's book by the same name
• Diana Russell's Rape in Marriage
• Albert Biderman's "Chart of Coercion"
• Different types of perpetrators and common behaviors or behavioral drivers
• The impact of attachment theory in family court outcomes and, subsequently, abusers' use of disinformation tactics like Richard Gardner's "Parental Alienation Syndrome" theory to bias family courts against victims of abuse across the globe
• Ferraro and Johnson's list of six ways in which women rationalize their abuse to stay in their relationships
• Women's police stations in the global south, including Brazil, Argentina, India, that offer female police officers that help other women leave abusive relationships and pursue accountability through the courts
• The Northpoint, NC, "focused deterrence" or "transformative justice" approach to increasing abuser accountability

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On today’s show, our guest is Maria Santiago, a survivor of childhood domestic violence or family violence, a protective parent, and a decades long advocate for survivors of intimate partner violence. Maria is employed as a violence prevention educator in a NYC non-profit organization and works on elder justice reform in the Latino community as well on behalf of victims in the immigrant community. Maria is also recognized for her role as a founding member of NYC’s Voices of Women Organizing Project and for her capacity-building trainings to the NYC Administration for Children’s Services and to their contracted preventive agencies. Maria brings to us a perspective of domestic violence on children, the cycle of abuse, and how advocacy can be a vital part of the survivor’s journey towards healing.

After the interview, Maria and I discussed her use of the word "hoe" as a slut-shaming tactic. She would like to express her regret for using that term. Throughout our conversation, Maria interweaves #abusertactics, #signsofabuse, and #upstandertips.

During the interview, our conversation referenced the following resources:

• NYS's Statute of Limitations (SOL) on Child Sexual Abuse. Since the interview, NYS has passed the Child Victim's Act, extending the SOL on child sexual abuse crimes to age 28 in criminal cases, and 50 in civil cases. Under the previous law, once a sex abuse victim turns 18, he or she has five years to report the crime to law enforcement officials.
• Eve Ensler's "A Letter to White Women Who Support Brett Kavanaugh" on her own child sexual abuse
• bell hook's All About Love

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

Please also connect with us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Don’t forget to subscribe to the show!

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This month, we’ve been featuring stories by survivors and hosting community conversations about domestic violence with members from the Engendered Collective. In two weeks, Americans will be going to polls to decide who they want to lead this country. If you’ve been paying attention to how our leaders are acquiring and deploying their power and feeling anxious, agitated, and scared, you understand what abuse is. These tactics are coercive control and can be exercised by the state or in an interpersonal relationship. We’ve asked listeners to share with us some of their experiences.

If you want learn how to be an upstander and help end systemic sexism and its coercive and violent manifestations in our society, please take this time to subscribe, share, follow us in social media, including our new Medium engendered publication. If you’re a survivor, advocate, or pro-feminist ally, please join our Engendered Collective community who are coming together in knowledge-sharing and building, collective care and healing and advocacy to increase accountability for abuse. Thank you to all the listeners for your ongoing support and to the survivors who called or wrote in with their stories. Your voice will help bring greater awareness to the harmful and widespread social, economic, and health impacts of abuse. Together, we can build a cultural literacy around abuse and abuse of power and better identify it, confront it, prevent it, and heal from it.

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

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On this episode of the en(gender)ed podcast #SurvivorStories series, our guest is Shia Joyner, a survivor of childhood domestic violence and coercive control as an adult. Shia joins us today to explore the ways in which witnessing childhood abuse has shaped her perceptions about love, informed her relationships, and impacted her own experience of domestic abuse. We also explore the ways of therapy in her healing and in helping her develop a consciousness of dynamics of abuse which are necessary tools to stop the cycle. Throughout our conversation, we ask Shia to share #abusertactics, #signsofabuse, and #upstandertips.

During our conversation, Shia and I referenced the following resources and topics:

• bell hook's "love trilogy" including All About Love and Communion: The Female Search for Love
• Our interview with Jessica Taylor on "Why Women Are Blamed for Everything"
• Why "Anger Management" isn't for domestic abusers
• How "Restorative Justice" does not prioritize victim safety and accountability for abuse

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

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**Note: We refer to Ashleigh as "Alyssa" because we recorded this interview prior to the lifting of her gag order. Ashleigh is now not legally prohibited from speaking publicly about her experience.**

On this #SurvivorStories series episode, our guest is Ashleigh Rae, a survivor of sexual violence, childhood rape and sexual assault by multiple offenders. She took her case to court and won not once, but twice. We speak with Ashleigh today about her experience as a survivor of sexual violence, how it is different from other forms of abuse, how her trauma has impacted her, what accountability looks like, and what role forgiveness, community, and feminism plays in her healing and recovery journey. Throughout our conversation, we ask Ashleigh to share #abusertactics, #signsofabuse, and #upstandertips.

During our conversation, Ashleigh and I referenced the following resources and topics:

• Australia's Gag Order law
• Melbourne journalist, Nina Funnell's #LetUsSpeak campaign
• Teri's thoughts as a survivor on healing and recovery and her perspective on what accountability is and should look like
• The impact of sexual assault, rape, and abuse on a victim's family
• How "restorative justice" language is infiltrating domestic abuse advocacy spaces and its reduction of accountability
• Brene Brown's views on accountability and forgiveness
• Our unregulated wellness industry

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Thanks for tuning in to the en(gender)ed podcast!

Be sure to check out our en(gender)ed site and follow our blog on Medium.

Join our feminist community of survivors, advocates and allies!

Consider donating because your support is what makes this work sustainable.

Please also connect with us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Don’t forget to subscribe to the show!