When to Stay and When to Walk Away from a Toxic Mother
10/17/22 • 16 min
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In this episode we talk about when to stay and when to walk away from a toxic mother and how to do it biblically.
Leaving a relationship is never easy and the decision should not be taken lightly, but we have necessary relationship endings all the time, friends, coworkers, even churches. But what do you do when you have to consider walking away from your own mother? Some people have a great relationship with their mother, a wonderful adult relationship that is built upon, mutual love and respect. But some others didn't get the memo that you're not a child anymore who needs to obey her every command, therefore creating a terrible strain on the relationship, only to have it turned back on the adult child, as the source of the problem.
All relationships take work. There's a difference between personality differences, growth trap challenges and your toxicity. Toxic relationships are defined by one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked or even avoided. It's one that leaves you feeling worse rather than better over time, and it's not marked by a few difficult interactions, but rather a blatant ignorance of the dynamics of a healthy relationship. In other words, toxic people are not safe and there may be physical abuse taking place, but if there are such things as manipulation, guilt, selfishness, gaslighting and disregard, my friend, you are likely dealing with levels of toxicity.
FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide
Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.
In this episode we talk about when to stay and when to walk away from a toxic mother and how to do it biblically.
Leaving a relationship is never easy and the decision should not be taken lightly, but we have necessary relationship endings all the time, friends, coworkers, even churches. But what do you do when you have to consider walking away from your own mother? Some people have a great relationship with their mother, a wonderful adult relationship that is built upon, mutual love and respect. But some others didn't get the memo that you're not a child anymore who needs to obey her every command, therefore creating a terrible strain on the relationship, only to have it turned back on the adult child, as the source of the problem.
All relationships take work. There's a difference between personality differences, growth trap challenges and your toxicity. Toxic relationships are defined by one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked or even avoided. It's one that leaves you feeling worse rather than better over time, and it's not marked by a few difficult interactions, but rather a blatant ignorance of the dynamics of a healthy relationship. In other words, toxic people are not safe and there may be physical abuse taking place, but if there are such things as manipulation, guilt, selfishness, gaslighting and disregard, my friend, you are likely dealing with levels of toxicity.
FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide
Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.
Previous Episode
Kick Satan Out of Your Head - 3 Keys to Defeating Tormenting Thoughts
The enemy loves to attack you with lies that are grounded in some truth and let's face it full of lies are easy to spot, but the lies that come wrapped and reasoning with those leave plenty of room for entertainment. What makes a person go from a tiny thought to a full-on torment?
In 1st Samuel 19:9 it reads. “then a harmful Spirit from the Lord came upon Saul as he sat in his house with his spear in his hand and David was playing the lyre.”
Upon first glance you might think, awe poor Saul, he had no choice. God sent a harmful Spirit upon him, so it really wasn't his fault. And this is where you'd be right, but wrong, mostly wrong and here's what I mean. The Lord does not just send tormenting spirits to someone. He allows them when they've been given access and this spirit that the Lord sent was not passive, you see Saul was entertaining thoughts of hatred and murder. He was jealous of David and he wanted him dead and if you read the book of 1st Samuel, I can't imagine what kind of thoughts, that Saul gave life to as he sat there and stood over his feelings regarding David and these thoughts and feelings were cultivated and ruminated so much that they grew into a full-blown murder attempt.
And you see, it wasn't that Saul had all of these thoughts because of the tormenting Spirit. Saul’s mind was filled with anger, bitter, jealousy, rage towards David and God gave him over to those tormenting thoughts and a similar example can be found in Romans 1:28 where we're reminded “and since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what they ought not be done.”
God didn't give them a debased mind. He gave them over to the mind that they had given in to my friend, everything begins in the mind, and you may not be looking to murder someone or throw a spear at your younger competition. But if you are entertaining, angry, hateful, thoughts in your head, Jesus says it’s the same thing. If you're entertaining, lustful thoughts, envious thoughts are any kind of thought that is not pleasing to the Lord you are opening your mind to Satan and inviting him in for complete access.
You are opening your mind, now once in Satan can have full rein, he can have a field day and he's not stupid. He will seek to slip in covertly little by little as much as he wants to destroy your life and your testimony in a split-second, even Satan has more sense and self-control than to bombard you, he knows that there's a strong possibility that if he pushes too hard, you'll fall to your knees. Instead, he keeps a gentle and steady flow of negative, fearful destructive, bitter, envious thoughts, dripping through to you like a lifeline and all he needs you to do is mildly entertaining them. You don't even have to have a full acceptance of them. So long as you're not completely rejecting them, he still now has access so long as you justify your feelings and saying things like how you would feel the same way if, or you would have, you have no idea what she's done to me. So long as you're justifying, your thoughts saying things like, if I don't do this then he'll get over on me or saying things like what if God doesn't come in and take care of this situation.
How Toxic are My Thoughts? FREE Quiz
https://krisreece.com/toxic-thoughts-assessment-2/
Renew Your Mind Online Course
https://krisreece.com/renew-your-mind/
Delivered from Demonic Influence Online Course
https://krisreece.com/delievered-from-demonic-influence/
Next Episode
4 Biblical Keys to Setting Boundaries with a Toxic Mother
The mother daughter relationship should be one marked by nurture, love, support and proper correction. Sadly for many women, their relationship with mom is marked by dysfunction, blame, self-centeredness, and manipulation.
It’s difficult to hug a porcupine, even when she’s your mother.
And if you’re being honest, there’s no other relationship where you would tolerate such behavior.
Over the years, I’ve seen more women negatively affected by toxic mothers more than any other life issue. And nearly every time, I witness these loving women hoping their manipulative mothers will miraculously change IF they could just do enough, be enough, and explain enough.
This never works.
Instead of focusing on trying to love your mother enough that she magically transforms in to a marvelous mom, or continuing your relentless attempts at pleasing her, it may be time to learn how to set boundaries with her.
Let’s talk today about four crucial keys to setting biblical boundaries with a manipulative mother.
FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide
Biblical Boundaries with Toxic Family Online Course
https://krisreece.com/biblical-boundaries-with-toxic-family/
How to Heal from a Toxic Mother- Restoring Your Life Through Faith Online Course
https://krisreece.com/how-to-heal-from-a-toxic-mother/
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