God, Am I Codependent? (6 Undeniable Signs)

06/27/22 • 6 min

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Difficult Relationships - Christian Wisdom for Life's Toughest Ties

In this podcast, we talk about the 6 undeniable signs that you are codependent.
Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.
Do you really feel good when others need you? Do you enable someone’s bad behavior in hopes that they’ll repent and change their ways? If you are struggling to have healthy, balanced relationships, where the needs of both people are recognized, you could be struggling with codependency. A codependent relationship will leave you frustrated and unfulfilled and it often reinforces the belief that you’re broken and unworthy. Codependency, in a nutshell, is the need to be needed. Codependency can occur in virtually any relationship dynamic; parents, children spouse, friends, pastor, and even co-workers.
Let’s talk a moment about what codependency is as well as how the traits are displayed. We will also have some solutions for how you can move forward.

You are overly concerned about what the other person is doing, thinking, and feeling. Often displayed as caring, this codependent trade leads you to believe that if you don’t take care of this person, something bad is going to happen to either you or them as a result of their behavior. Scripture tells us that each should carry his own load. You can find that in Galatians 6:5. So, it is biblical to allow others to make choices and mistakes. God certainly does it for us.
Your need to fix or rescue now becomes controlling. You attempt to control the other person’s behavior through criticism, ultimatums, nagging or giving unsolicited advice. This typically is a result of having no self-control, which is your attempt to control them in an effort to feel control of yourself. We are not responsible to change or control others. We’re only responsible for ourselves. Proverbs 25:28 tells us that a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
You walk on eggshells around the other person. You’re likely afraid of doing or saying something that will displease or anger them or set them off. As a result, you may not express your opinion, share your feelings, or ask for what you want. You may say “yes” to things that you didn’t want to, or they don’t align with your values or goals. Matthew 5:9 reminds us that peacemakers are blessed. There is a big difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper.
You act like a martyr taking care of everyone and everything but resentful that no one wants to help or take care of you. Matthew 5:37 reminds us to let what you say simply be “yes or no”. Anything more than this comes from evil. Saying “yes” when you would prefer to say no doesn’t make you a better Christian.
You continue the relationship, even after the other person has repeatedly hurt you physically, emotionally, or financially. Co-dependence frequently makes you believe that they are being loving. 1st Corinthians, 13:7 tells us that love never gives up, never loses faith, and is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. My friend, God didn’t intend for you to endure abuse and tolerate evil behavior.
You are afraid of being rejected, criticized, or seen as a bad person. We all want to be loved and accepted tendency crosses the line into needing it to the point of accepting or tolerating toxic behavior as a people pleaser. It’s important to always ask the question in Galatians 1:10, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or God? Or am I trying to please people?” If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Codependency plays out in relationships, but it is also rooted in how you feel about yourself. The focus is often to get the other person to change, but the truth is, you can only change yourself and we can’t even do that. without the help of the Holy Spirit. So, if you want to se

You are overly concerned about what the other person is doing, thinking, and feeling. Often displayed as caring, this codependent trade leads you to believe that if you don’t take care of this person, something bad is going to happen to either you or them as a result of their behavior. Scripture tells us that each should carry his own load. You can find that in Galatians 6:5. So, it is biblical to allow others to make choices and mistakes. God certainly does it for us.
Your need to fix or rescue now becomes controlling. You attempt to control the other person’s behavior through criticism, ultimatums, nagging or giving unsolicited advice. This typically is a result of having no self-control, which is your attempt to control them in an effort to feel control of yourself. We are not responsible to change or control others. We’re only responsible for ourselves. Proverbs 25:28 tells us that a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
You walk on eggshells around the other person. You’re likely afraid of doing or saying something that will displease or anger them or set them off. As a result, you may not express your opinion, share your feelings, or ask for what you want. You may say “yes” to things that you didn’t want to, or they don’t align with your values or goals. Matthew 5:9 reminds us that peacemakers are blessed. There is a big difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper.
You act like a martyr taking care of everyone and everything but resentful that no one wants to help or take care of you. Matthew 5:37 reminds us to let what you say simply be “yes or no”. Anything more than this comes from evil. Saying “yes” when you would prefer to say no doesn’t make you a better Christian.
You continue the relationship, even after the other person has repeatedly hurt you physically, emotionally, or financially. Co-dependence frequently makes you believe that they are being loving. 1st Corinthians, 13:7 tells us that love never gives up, never loses faith, and is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. My friend, God didn’t intend for you to endure abuse and tolerate evil behavior.
You are afraid of being rejected, criticized, or seen as a bad person. We all want to be loved and accepted tendency crosses the line into needing it to the point of accepting or tolerating toxic behavior as a people pleaser. It’s important to always ask the question in Galatians 1:10, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or God? Or am I trying to please people?” If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Previous Episode

If I Ask Enough, Will God Give Me What I'm Praying For?

Is prayer simply a matter of endurance? The question we answer in this episode is If I Ask God Enough, Will He Give Me What I'm Praying For?
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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.
TRANSCRIPTION:
It is said that there is power in prayer and if that’s true, which it is, there must be real power in persistent prayer. Persistent prayer is Biblical. Matthew 7:7 reminds us to “ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and it will be open to you.” So, is prayer, simply a matter of endurance? Meaning, that if I keep on persisting, eventually I’ll get what I’m praying for. There’s a dangerous line that we cross when we take persistent prayer too far.
In fact, there are three destructive patterns that we can fall into if we rely solely on the persistence of prayer.

Number one is thinking that prayer is persuasion. We can’t change God, it’s arrogance if we actually think we can. Prayer is not persuasion. God is not going to conform His will to our whim. Once we cross into thinking that prayer is persuasion, that leap isn’t that long into manipulation. Proverbs 19:21 tells us that many are the plans in the mind of a man but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Yes, there are times in the Bible where God does change his mind, but those times were conditional. It certainly happened every time a sinner repents as well. God then changes his mind. We now go from being an enemy of God to being his beloved child.

Number two is thinking that prayer is a form of mysticism. Much of the new age, occult practices have seeped into the church’s beliefs. For example, the Law of Attraction, which is basically “what I put out, I’ll get back” mantras and many other mystical teachings has become a regular part of a Christian belief. Many of these mystical practices can translate to prayer when one believes that simply praying prayers of repetition will bring back good things to you, thinking that your persistence somehow has power, put you into a more magical state of mind, rather than a surrendered one. We reduce God to a formula and dare, I say some magic formula. God is not a formula to be figured out. He is our Father and He is to be trusted. No one understands why He blesses some and not others. God does not enable us to always understand everything perfectly or completely right now. When I am tempted to throw in the prayer towel, I am reminded of the story of the persistent widow in Luke 18.

Starting at verse 1, Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said in a certain town, there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought and there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with a plea, “Grant me justice against my adversary”. Verse 4; For some time, he refused, but he finally said to himself, “even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this Widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice so that she won’t eventually come and attack me”. And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones who cry out to Him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice and quickly. However, when the Son of man comes, will He find faith on the Earth?”

Does this mean that if I keep asking that I can eventually wear God down and He’ll give me what I’m asking for? Well, we have to be careful, not to reduce God’s sovereignty to a magic formula.

Number three is thinkin

Next Episode

4 Way You'll Get Tripped Up Speaking the Truth in Love

In this episode, we talk about how to speak the truth in love and the 4 ways you'll get tripped up trying to do it.
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Building Faith Podcast from Kris Reece Ministries is a podcast to provide biblical solutions to life's tough challenges.
In today’s blog, we will be discussing ways that you may get tripped up while speaking the truth.

There are typically two types of truth-tellers, the avoided, and the blurter. If you are the avoider, you typically do everything you can to avoid the topic at all costs. That is, however, until your internal pressure cooker blows and you spew out everything that you’ve pushed down. If you are the blurter, you have no problem telling it like it is, but, you usually leave people feeling 2 inches tall and you wonder why they want to avoid you as Christians.

As Christians, you will likely want to be like Jesus, bold in your expression of Truth, yet gentle in your delivery, all in the name of love. Ephesians 4:15 instructs us, but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head. That is Christ. Speaking the truth in love is not just a matter of having a gentle and meek demeanor or a sweet-sounding voice.

So, let’s talk today about how to speak the truth in love and the four ways that you’re going to get tripped up trying to do it that way.

Number #1 – Check your heart.

Luke 6:45 tells us the good person out of the good treasure of his heart, produces good and the evil person out of the evil treasure produces evil. For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks. What comes out of your mouth comes from within you, no amount of sugar coating is going to change what’s in your heart.

In Ephesians 4:1, Paul tells us “Therefore, I, a prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling which you have been called; with all humility and gentleness, with patience bearing with one another, in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.”

We see that speaking the truth in love is not a matter of having just the right words with the right tone of voice so that you come across as gentle, humble, and patient. Rather, it’s about having the right heart where you are patient, humble, and gentle. If you are the type who can only be these things for only so long, I submit to you that you are merely trying to make behavioral changes and not true heart changes because whatever is in you, eventually will come out of you. If your heart isn’t in the right place, you will likely have a self-centered motive when you’re communicating. The best way to avoid this is to ask God to examine your heart before you communicate the truth.

Number #2 – Put honesty in the front seat!

You’ve heard it said, “honesty is the best policy” and it is true my friend. 1st Corinthians 13:6 reminds us that love rejoices with the truth. So be honest, not only in what you say but also in what’s going on inside of you. If you don’t recognize and acknowledge the fears; the apprehensions that are all going on inside of you, they will quietly continue to drive you and your moods. Despite how hard you try to speak the truth in love, we often think that honesty is rude and cruel, especially when delivering something difficult or something that others don’t want to hear. The truth is the only ones who don’t want to hear the truth are those who are living a lie. Sometimes, your desire to do the right thing to help someone can cause you to stay in an abusive situation.

Matthew 7:6 tells us this, “do not give to dogs what is Holy and do not throw your pearls before pigs lest they trample them underfoot and turn and attack you.”