Culture Sex Relationships

Here's a shorter version of a longer chat (by myself, but with you) about dating apps. Why people might be fed up of them some of the micropolitics at play and how we might actually make use of them. Here's a really interesting podcast from the Centre for Sex, Love and Relationships https://ahc.leeds.ac.uk/homepage/420/centre-for-love-sex-and-relationships and here's a piece I contributed some ideas for at the FT https://www.ft.com/content/17fb28ae-1e0c-4a32-8c26-59e15c821a48

In this blog I try to use Deleuze & Guattari's ideas to help us to understand the current awful transphobia. Hopefully you'll find it useful (and easy enough to understand) with some hopeful / helpful ideas. Free at my CSR Patreon https://www.patreon.com/posts/molar-and-gender-127351062?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

Here are the questions and some of the links I mentioned "Everyone I know and everyone I follow on social media is very pro-vaccines and so I kind of go along with the crowd on this one, without really knowing much, something I’m not proud of and want to change. All of the discourse I see online is very loud and angry and - I’m sure it’s with good reason - but I struggle to build my own stance on it based on this. I was wondering if you could answer something along the lines of ‘How can we practice consent in discussing and making choices around vaccines whilst also protecting each other and especially the most vulnerable in our society?’ I know it’s a big and sensitive topic (especially at the moment) so totally okay if it’s not something you want to tackle right now but thought I’d put it out there just in case." Freedoms and Covid https://www.bishuk.com/relationships/freedoms-and-covid/ Herd immunity https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/herd-immunity-lockdowns-and-covid-19 Vaccine hesistancy https://www.bmj.com/content/372/bmj.n513 Going with the cognitive grain paper https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01483/full “I work with teenagers in my private practice and run a training course for counsellors wishing to work with C & YP I wonder if you could discuss the following question in an 'Ask Justin' show if you feel it would interest your patreons. How to support under 21's in consensual decision-making re sex? I am particularly interested in the decision-making or not of those YP who say the following ' I have to have sex or they will tell everyone at school I won't' ' It's what you do to keep a relationship' 'blow jobs aren't sex and they are expected of course' I am struck by the lack of their knowledge around consent and choice.” https://www.bishuk.com/can-we-talk-about-consent/ https://www.bishuk.com/tag/consent/ https://bishtraining.com/product/the-consent-teaching-pack/ “In response to your invitation for questions for the podcast, I was thinking recently that maybe it's time to query user guides. I think to the extent that they help people reflect and focus on their own needs and desires, it's really helpful. But I think the concept is a bit limiting. It risks fixing people's understanding of their sexuality, and propagating quite a static model of it. If you understand your sexuality is something that evolves over time, and connecting with another person as something that has a possibility of revealing different aspects of it, I'm not sure how user guides could do this justice?” Our zines https://megjohnandjustin.com/publications/ Our episode on this https://megjohnandjustin.com/you/writing-our-own-scripts/ Deleuze and Guattari episode https://culturepowerpolitics.org/podcasts/ Also latest ACFM https://soundcloud.com/novaramedia/acfm-trip-14-desire

"Hey! I want to say thanks for all your work — it’s great and I’ve recommended this podcast to a bunch of mates. You’re really doing a service here and I’m incredibly appreciative. My question is kinda related to covid bubbles and covid horniness. Is it cool to ask someone you’re bubbling with if they want to have sex? Can you do this in a way which doesn’t mess up the delicate ecosystem of the bubble?/ leaves loads of room for them to say no? And in a way where you can maintain Vibes where you’re comfortable with hanging out whatever the outcome? It seems like there’s pros and cons but wondering what your take is and if you’ve any advice as to how to be really careful with consent around this question." [I realise I answered this question assuming the bubbles live together when they might now, but I think the answer still works] Here were my notes for the answer. Change is inevitable, we're always changing. Even thinking this causes a change. Delicate eco system, how? What processes do you have in place to keep that? How have you navigated the changes? Are you all doing a little bit of work, in an embodied on-going way? Is one person doing a lot of work? What are the rules already about contact, intimacy, sexual chats, flirtation? What is implicit and what is explicit? What would destroy the eco system, what would enhance it? Are delicate eco systems always good? Is there a vibe? God I'm so horny, I wish I could date someone, have they changed sex, I'm so bored of wanking. No vibe no go. Useful to think about what you want from the sex. What kind of sexual, intimate, or sensual contact might do this? Think about what the home means. For some it's a place where it can feel sexy, for others it might really not. Familial warmth, sexy hot times. How might you employ different aspects of your relationship to be able to manage these often competing vibes? Think about your sexuality scale. What meanings does sex have for you? If you're someone who can have friendly sex just like watching a film with a friend or having dinner with them, cool. What about the others? How many are there in a bubble? Who do you want to be involved with? Think about the broader eco system beyond the bubble? Is this just a break glass on case of emergency? What happens after? Is it a fantasy of yours? Acting on crushes - booof First question. I was wondering how you felt about the living situation and how we get on. Open it up to be about all things in the eco system and what's on offer. Say what you want. Having a vague notion that might be up for some sexy times with them is good because if you don't ask you don't get. Ask in a way where there is a range of possible options. Give space and time and allow for awkwardness. If it's not awkward it probably means that someone is going along with something to make you feel at ease. Notice what's going on for you after you've put it out there. What does everyone want the sex to do for them? Something new, excitement, to feel desired, orgasm/pleasure, be in a different headspace, transcend, intense relaxation, to be in a completely different power dynamic (owned, or not in control, not making decisions, sub space) etc. Transactional. One person doing it for another. Expand the range of erotic possibilities that best meet these needs. Start with a couple of things you're both keen on. Red flags for you about sex but also about maintaining the eco system afterwards? Places. Things said. Roles. Sense of an event. A before during after. User guide volume knobs. If you're turning one thing up, do you need to turn other things down? More solo time?

It was about how to go about dating when in a committed relationship anarchy (RA) / non-hierarchical / abundant relating arrangement and when you are planning on having a kid with someone from that arrangement. I asked the listener to listen to the recording before I published it to make sure that it was vague enough and they okayed it and said it was helpful :-) If you have a question let me know! culturesexrelationships at gmail dot com or via link.tree/culturesexrel