Confessions of a Prison Pimp

Episode Notes

Do you have questions you'd like me to answer or stories to share? Any questions, comments, or critique? Feel free to text or call and leave a message at +1 360-474-PIMP! That's +1 360-474-7467.

Summary:

This week, I will walk you through JPay, which is one of the major prison vendors for communications, banking, and entertainment. JPay, like Corrlinks and Getting Out, allows friends and family of inmates to send and receive email messages, videos, and photos through a special, heavily monitored network, which is very different than email services like Google and Apple to which you and I are accustomed. I’ll share with you what that means in terms of your privacy (spoiler: you have none) and I also want to spend some quality time talking about DOC rules and what I learned from Dan encouraging me to bend and break the rules. Finally, I’ll read a selection of JPay messages, including the ones where Dan introduces me to Leon, his brother and cellmate, and plants the seeds of his “multimedia business” idea.

Highlights:

Intro to JPay (2:12)
Message from Dan to Me on 2/22/2018 (9:20)
Message from Me to Dan on 2/22/2018 (13:55)
Message from Dan to Me on 2/22/2018 (24:52)
7 Rules of JPay you aren't taking seriously enough (27:32)
The Favor (31:45)
Featured Artists:

• Broken A/C by Holizna

• Single Still by Blue Dot Sessions

• Stucco Grey by Blue Dot Sessions

• FADED by Drake Stafford is licensed under an Attribution License

• In The Box by Blue Dot Sessions

• Lacrimose by Blue Dot Sessions

• Chai Belltini by Blue Dot Sessions

• Addictions by Holizna

• Inside the Toy Submarine by Blue Dot Sessions

• Tralaga by Blue Dot Sessions

• An Unknown Visitor by Blue Dot Sessions

Additional Resources

Connect with the Prison Pimp at The Prison Pimp Website, on my Facebook page, or on Twitter Also, come see my first YouTube video which will be posted on 6/18/2022. Coming soon, I will also be on TikTok!.

UPDATE 02-JUL-2022: I have attempted to fix the levels and edited out about 20 minutes of garbage, then added back some new material. I know some of you may have bailed mid-way through so I hope you will give me another chance as I learn how to be the best podcast host I can be!

This week, I will introduce you to the ups and downs of prison phone systems, you’ll hear Dan’s voice for the first time, as well as the love of his life who was also supposed to be my roommate and girlfriend. I also want to warn you ahead of time about this part, you’ll hear the first time Dan really showed me his dark side. It was difficult for me to listen to again and, for those who might be triggered by verbal abuse or threats of violence, I’ll warn you before that section starts in case you want to skip ahead a bit. After that, I’ll downshift into playing seven of the most awkward, cringeworthy audio clips from prison calls. And finally, you’ll hear just one of many moments at the end of a call where Dan really was being a sweetheart.

1. Dan tells me about his birthday card (1:51)
2. Musings on different types of sausage (6:20)
3. Typical audio issues with GTL and Connect Network (11:04)
4. Less like a love triangle and more like a fifth wheel (14:38)
5. Questions sometimes make Dan angry (19:48)
6. Trigger Warning: Abusive Language & Threats (27:56-30:18)
   
7. 8-3-1 (32:15)
8. Top 7 Cringe-inducing phone call clips (33:02)

National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-7233

National Grad Crisis Line
(877) 472-3457

National Sexual Assault Hotline
(800) 656-4673

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(800) 273-8255

Writers Drinking Coffee podcast: https://www.writersdrinkingcoffee.com

Pictures of KITTEHS on my website: https://keeganpatterson.com

Busted A/C Unit & Get Evil by Holizna
Cran Ras by Blue Dot Sessions
Via Verre by Blue Dot Sessions
The Records by Blue Dot Sessions
The Caspian Sea by Blue Dot Sessions
Borough by Blue Dot Sessions
Club Moka by Blue Dot Sessions
Gilroy by Blue Dot Sessions
Plum Blossom by Blue Dot Sessions
Aloscape 2 by Blue Dot Sessions

Do you have questions you'd like me to answer or stories to share? Any questions, comments, or critique? Feel free to text or call and leave a message at +1 360-474-PIMP That's +1 360-474-7467.

You can also connect with me at at

The Prison Pimp Website, on our

Facebook page, or on

Twitter Also, come see our first

YouTube

This week, I will walk you through my top five jPay pet peeves and solutions to avoid those mistakes. I’ll also read a jPay message from Dan that is both touching and prohpetic. You’ll see.

1. The App Crashes (1:42)
2. Search functionality sucks or is missing (2:45)
3. Your data isn’t necessarily yours (3:48)
4. No communication when problems occur (5:08)
5. Tech support is confusing and shifts blame (9:42)

Busted A/C Unit & Bus Stop by Holizna

JoDon by Blue Dot Sessions

Rue Severine by Blue Dot Sessions

Do you have questions you'd like me to answer or stories to share? Any questions, comments, or critique? Feel free to text or call and leave a message at +1 360-474-PIMP That's +1 360-474-7467.

You can also connect with me at at

The Prison Pimp Website, on our

Facebook page, or on

Twitter Also, come see our first

YouTube

Hello, friends! Welcome to the Confessions of a Prison Pimp Podcast. After some careful consideration and taking in some thoughtful and helpful listener feedback, I have decided to take a short break over the summer so I can work on improving the podcast. Don’t worry, though. I will be back in the fall, I promise! I’m not going anywhere. I simply need to give myself some time to get comfortable with Logic and to possibly reformat the podcast. I dunno. I do know I can make it better and I want to put more effort more efficiently into what I am doing.
Although I am having a lot of fun with it, I also keep missing deadlines which makes the fun evaporate. I don’t like that and I know you don’t either. So, in order to make Confessions of a Prison Pimp the best it can be, here are at least three improvements you can and should expect upon my return:
1. Education. I will take the time to finish the Logic Pro X and Final Cut Pro X classes I started. I thought I could get by with a few tricks I picked up on YouTube, but It’s simply taking me too long to produce the episodes and I still don’t feel like I am properly mastering the audio. Once I improve my Logic skills, that should drastically reduce the time it currently takes to produce each episode which has been another big problem.
2. Storytelling. I will continue to produce the show over the summer, even though I won’t be publishing episodes. Then, when I return, I will release a batch of episodes that you can binge. A “binge batch” if you will. No? Okay. Because I am approaching the story from a topical standpoint instead of on a linear timeline, there is quite a bit of jumping around. To compensate, I thought releasing all of the foundational episodes out together would help you, my dear listeners, to follow what the heck is going on. Imagine going to IKEA and getting four legs this Saturday, then four cam locks the following Saturday, and then the Saturday after that oh look it’s that useless earthquake strap that everyone on the east coast and not in Oklahoma throw away. The point is, it would be really hard to follow over such a protracted period. But, if you had all of those pieces at the same time, you would easily see how they fit together without having to constantly remind yourself what a cam lock is and where it goes. Plus, who doesn’t love a good podcast to binge when the weather gets cooler?
3. The Book. I will be working on the book over the summer as well. Shocker, I know, but the podcast has suffocated the book and, so far, I have hardly touched it. I think the book needs to be at least halfway finished so that the podcast is filling in the gaps without giving too much of the story away.
If you would like a heads up when the show is about to resume, you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter or go to my website and sign up for my newsletter. I will continue to be active on social media and I will put out an update with a revised release schedule and the show will resume and I guarantee there will be some cool perks to signing up for my mailing list. I know this is sudden, but it really is for the best. I want to put out the best possible podcast and I just don’t feel like I’m doing that right now. It’s a disservice to you and to myself and we all deserve better!
I want to thank everyone who listened to last week’s episode and came back for more. Thank you as well. It means a lot to me and I sincerely appreciate it! If you haven’t already subscribed to the podcast, please do so now so that you will be the first to learn of my return and you will catch any special updates as they are released. I love you all and I will talk to you soon!
Today’s Musical Selections:

Busted A/C Unit by Holizna
Pedalrider by Blue Dot Sessions

In the first episode of Confessions of a Prison Pimp, Keegan reads excerpts from the first letter he got from Dan as well as his first reply. The lesson here is, if someone tells you that you have a "sexy name", you should proceed with extreme caution. This entire podcast is a warning about what can happen when you don't pay attention to those kinds of details in any relationship, let alone one with a prison pen pal.

“Busted A/C Unit” by Holizna
“OneEightFour” by Blue Dot Sessions
“Zuegma” by C. Scott
Chaunce Libertine by Blue Dot Sessions
“Symphony N° 40 in G Minor” by Blue Dot Sessions
“Uncertain Ground” by Blue Dot Sessions
“Lupi” by Blue Dot Sessions

Do you have questions you'd like me to answer or stories to share? Any questions, comments, or critique? Feel free to text or call and leave a message at +1 360-474-PIMP That's +1 360-474-7467.
You can also connect with me at at
The Prison Pimp Website, on our
Facebook page, or on
Twitter Also, come see our first
YouTube