Scarlet Witch - This is Your Life, These Are Your Beers!

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3 sets of parents, a dissembled synthezoid husband, & your sister-in-law slept with your realtor, Scarlet Witch – This is your life! For their unlucky 13th episode, KMac & Yek are roasting the probability bending, red headed Avenger’s wacky family & breakdowning her breakdowns. If you are watching WandaVision, this is your chance to get ahead of the shock that is twin demonic baby hands.

Wanda Maximoff ‘s (Ana; Curly Top) Family Tree:
Brother: Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver; Mateo)
Nurse Maid: Bova Ayrshire (The Old Woman on the Hill, Bessie)
Gypsy Parents: Django & Marya Maximoff
Real Parents: Max/Erik/Magnus Eisenhardt/Lehnsherr (Magneto) & Magada Lehnsherr
Fake Parents: Robert Frank (Whizzer) and Madeline Joyce (Miss America)
Fake Brother: Robert Frank Jr. (Nuklo)
Stupid Retcon Mom: Natalya Maximoff
Coven Momma: Agatha Harkness
Creepy Uncles: High Evolutionary & Chthon

Husband (Div.): The Vision (B-Waves -S. Williams & A. Lipton/ Spare parts -original Human Torch)
Brothers-in-Law: Simon Williams (Wonder Man), Eric Williams (Grim Reaper), Jim Hammond (original Human Torch)
Sister-in-Law: Frankie Raye (Nova)
Parents-in-Law: Sanford Williams & Martha Williams; Ultron & Alkhema/Mockingbird; Phineas T. Horton (Thomas Raye)
Grand Parents-in-Law: Hank Pym (all the names) & Janet Van Dyne (Wasp)
Sister-in-Law: Crystal Amaquelin
Niece: Luna Maximoff

Children: Thomas (Tommy) & William (Billy) (Essence of New Salem witches/Parts of Mephisto's soul)

Stalker: Toad
Ex-Betrothed: Arkon; Set

1st Breakdown: Yesterday Quest (Avengers 185-187):
Remember that time you were born with your twin brother to a wayward single-mom frightened by her mad mutant love, Mags, birthed by an anthropomorphic cow midwife on Wundagore Mountain & were marked as the vessel by the evil Elder God Chthon? Well, you loved it so much you went back to Wundagore for Modred the Mystic (Future vegetable) to capture you for Chthon to possess you & snag all the Avengers until the power of Django’s love saved you? Yeah, good times. Baby, crazy looks good on you.

2nd Breakdown: Immortus Long Con (Avengers West Coast 47-57, 60-62)
Remember that time you were the object of a super long con by 'Morty in that he tricked you into marrying a synthezoid, birthing devil energy babies, getting enthralled by an ancient symbiotic parasite, getting enthralled as the bride of a snake Elder God, having your babies turned into the hands of a demon man ala Sock Puppet Babies, & then snapping to try and help daddy Mags destroy all humanity, just so 'Morty could use you as a reality-nexus anchor to impress three lame-o time gods? Yeah, good times. Double crazy looks even better.

3rd Breakdown: (Avengers Dissembled/House of M):
Remember that time you warped reality to romance Captain America, get Tony Stark fake drunk, animate Agatha Harkness’ corpse, and kill Ant-Man and Hawkeye with every villain in the Avenger’s bad guy deck all ‘cause you forgot you had fake demon energy babies, then you made a new reality with Mags as overlord? Well, after you snapped harder & wiped at all mutants. Yeah, good times. Damn vixen triple cray cray style.

Beers:
KMAC Serenity Now, Hidden Springs Ale Works, Tampa, FL
Style: Cherry Sour Ale, 5.5% ABV
Rating: Like fake head babies Tommy & Billy, turn your head once and then two beers are gone.

Yek:

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