Comic Books and Cold Ones - Scarlet Witch - This is Your Life, These Are Your Beers!

Scarlet Witch - This is Your Life, These Are Your Beers!

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01/25/21 • 93 min

Comic Books and Cold Ones

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3 sets of parents, a dissembled synthezoid husband, & your sister-in-law slept with your realtor, Scarlet Witch – This is your life! For their unlucky 13th episode, KMac & Yek are roasting the probability bending, red headed Avenger’s wacky family & breakdowning her breakdowns. If you are watching WandaVision, this is your chance to get ahead of the shock that is twin demonic baby hands.

Wanda Maximoff ‘s (Ana; Curly Top) Family Tree:
Brother: Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver; Mateo)
Nurse Maid: Bova Ayrshire (The Old Woman on the Hill, Bessie)
Gypsy Parents: Django & Marya Maximoff
Real Parents: Max/Erik/Magnus Eisenhardt/Lehnsherr (Magneto) & Magada Lehnsherr
Fake Parents: Robert Frank (Whizzer) and Madeline Joyce (Miss America)
Fake Brother: Robert Frank Jr. (Nuklo)
Stupid Retcon Mom: Natalya Maximoff
Coven Momma: Agatha Harkness
Creepy Uncles: High Evolutionary & Chthon

Husband (Div.): The Vision (B-Waves -S. Williams & A. Lipton/ Spare parts -original Human Torch)
Brothers-in-Law: Simon Williams (Wonder Man), Eric Williams (Grim Reaper), Jim Hammond (original Human Torch)
Sister-in-Law: Frankie Raye (Nova)
Parents-in-Law: Sanford Williams & Martha Williams; Ultron & Alkhema/Mockingbird; Phineas T. Horton (Thomas Raye)
Grand Parents-in-Law: Hank Pym (all the names) & Janet Van Dyne (Wasp)
Sister-in-Law: Crystal Amaquelin
Niece: Luna Maximoff

Children: Thomas (Tommy) & William (Billy) (Essence of New Salem witches/Parts of Mephisto's soul)

Stalker: Toad
Ex-Betrothed: Arkon; Set

1st Breakdown: Yesterday Quest (Avengers 185-187):
Remember that time you were born with your twin brother to a wayward single-mom frightened by her mad mutant love, Mags, birthed by an anthropomorphic cow midwife on Wundagore Mountain & were marked as the vessel by the evil Elder God Chthon? Well, you loved it so much you went back to Wundagore for Modred the Mystic (Future vegetable) to capture you for Chthon to possess you & snag all the Avengers until the power of Django’s love saved you? Yeah, good times. Baby, crazy looks good on you.

2nd Breakdown: Immortus Long Con (Avengers West Coast 47-57, 60-62)
Remember that time you were the object of a super long con by 'Morty in that he tricked you into marrying a synthezoid, birthing devil energy babies, getting enthralled by an ancient symbiotic parasite, getting enthralled as the bride of a snake Elder God, having your babies turned into the hands of a demon man ala Sock Puppet Babies, & then snapping to try and help daddy Mags destroy all humanity, just so 'Morty could use you as a reality-nexus anchor to impress three lame-o time gods? Yeah, good times. Double crazy looks even better.

3rd Breakdown: (Avengers Dissembled/House of M):
Remember that time you warped reality to romance Captain America, get Tony Stark fake drunk, animate Agatha Harkness’ corpse, and kill Ant-Man and Hawkeye with every villain in the Avenger’s bad guy deck all ‘cause you forgot you had fake demon energy babies, then you made a new reality with Mags as overlord? Well, after you snapped harder & wiped at all mutants. Yeah, good times. Damn vixen triple cray cray style.

Beers:
KMAC Serenity Now, Hidden Springs Ale Works, Tampa, FL
Style: Cherry Sour Ale, 5.5% ABV
Rating: Like fake head babies Tommy & Billy, turn your head once and then two beers are gone.

Yek:

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Children: Thomas (Tommy) & William (Billy) (Essence of New Salem witches/Parts of Mephisto's soul)

Stalker: Toad
Ex-Betrothed: Arkon; Set

Beers:
KMAC Serenity Now, Hidden Springs Ale Works, Tampa, FL
Style: Cherry Sour Ale, 5.5% ABV
Rating: Like fake head babies Tommy & Billy, turn your head once and then two beers are gone.

Yek:

Hit us up at Email: [email protected], Twitter: @CBCO_Podcast, or Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comicbooks_coldones/

Previous Episode

The 12 Days of Bat-mas (DC Cinematic), Part 2

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“Every time Joe Chill’s gun rings, a Batman gets his wings!” Let’s keep your pointy Penguin beak wacking, as KMac and Yek continue their nerd-along to close out the last 6 days of Bat-Mas! Catwoman slurp your dark milk stout with us to get a full Pennyworth’s of holiday cheer.

Carol theme: Live action appearances only. Let's put a smile on that face! (Note, the numbers all work out, haters. At least, we make them work that way)

Carol Verse: "On the “#” day of Bat-mas, DC Cinematic gave to me....":

Lyric: List [Kmac Fav; Yek Fav]

7 Regalia a-Riddling:
- 2 Frank Gorshin/John Astin (66): Jump suit; Green Plaid Suit, 3 Jim Carey (95): Green jump suit, Regular suit; Bedazzled white jump suit, Cory Michael Smith (Gotham): Green suit; Riddler Trench Coat Suit [What’s the answer to all riddles: Gorshin]
8 Batmobiles a-Wheel Losing:
- 1939 Cadillac Series 75 convertible (43), 1949 Mercury (49), George Barris Custom 1955 Lincoln Futura (66), Modified Chevy Impala Base (89/92), Complete Custom (95), Complete Custom (97), Tumbler (05-12), Tank (BvS) [Wonderful Toy/Turbines to Speed]
9 Catwomen Bat-tusing:
- Lee Meriweather, Julie Newmar, Eartha Kit (66), Michelle Pfeiffer (92), Casey Elizabeth Easlick (Birds of Prey), Halle Berry (Catwoman), Anne Hathway (DKR), Camren Bicondova/Lili Simmons (Gotham) [That White Gold/66 Sexy]
10 Butlers a-Butling:
- William Austin (43), Eric Wilton (49), Alan Napier (66), Michael Gough (89-97), Michael Kane (05-12), Jeremy Irons (Snyder), Ian Ambercrombie (Birds of Prey),Sean Pertwee (Gotham), Jack Bannon (Pennyworth), Douglas Hodge (Joker) [Stately Wayne Gough/I’m Michael Pennyworth]
11 Evil-Doers Eviling:
- Mr. Freeze (George Sanders, Otto Preminger, Eli Wallach, Schwarzenegger), Mad Hatter (David Wayne), King Tut (Victor Buono), Bookworm (Roddy McDowall), Clock King (Walter Slezak), Egghead (Vincent Price), False Face (Malachi Throne), Puzzler (Maurice Evans) Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman), Scarecrow (Cillian Murphy), Ra’s Al Ghul (Liam Neeson) [Nefertiti, you abandoned wench.]
12 Bats Bat-aranging:
- Lewis Wilson(43 Serial) Robert Lowery (49) Adam West (66), Michael Keaton (89/92), Val Kilmer (95), George Clooney (97), Christian Bale (05/12), Bat-fleck (Snyder), David Mazouz/Mikhail Mudrik (Gotham), Kevin Conroy (Arrowverse), Ian Glen (Titans) [I’m Keaton/Batman Ol’Chum/* for Animation’s finest]

Full Song:
"On the '#' day of Bat-mas, DC Cinematic gave to me...:"

A Bane in a Breathing Mask
2 Two-Faces
3 Gotham Penguins
4 Sonaring Batwings
5 Green Haired Jokers
6 Robins a-Holy Smoking!
7 Regalia a-Riddling
8 Batmobiles a-Wheel Losing
9 Catwomen Bat-tusing
10 Butlers a-Butling
11 Evil-Doers Eviling
12 Bats Bat-aranging!

That's 364 days worth of Dark Knight goodness with the day of Bat-mas being a gift to all, except for Thomas & Martha Wayne.
Beers:

KMAC: I am the Walrus, Hidden Springs Ale Works, Tampa, FL
Style: Berliner Weisse, 5.5% ABV
Rating: 1989 Batwing Silhouetting the Moon

Yek: Kentucky Christmas Morning, Hardywood Park Craft Brewery, Richmond, VA
Style: Bourbon Barrel Aged Milk Stout, 1

Hit us up at Email: [email protected], Twitter: @CBCO_Podcast, or Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comicbooks_coldones/

Next Episode

The Super Superman Battle Bowl

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Beer, Nachos, & Blowouts! You think the “Big Game”, we think Super Superman Bowl! KMac & Yek have dawned their beer can straw hats and giant Krytponian foam fingers to breakdown Supes 5 best fights of all time per clickbait sites. Crack open a can & get a ring side seat:

Yek: “What about Doomsday?”
KMac: “Oh, there they go! There they go! Every time I start talking about Superman, a Batman fan gotta pull Doomsday outta their @$$! That's they one! That's they one! Doomsday! Doomsday! Lemme tell you something once & for all! Doomsday was good, but compared to Superman, Doomsday ain't s***!
Yek: “He beat Superman's @$$!”
Superman vs Doomsday - Superman #74-75 (1992)

Doomsday crashes to earth all Steampunk, plows through crap JLA (“Bloodwynd!”, KMac), transforms to all Road Warrior vibing Humungus, makes Guy Gardner’s face all puffy, & beats Supes to a pulp dying in each other sweet, sweet loving embrace.

Winner: Doomsday

Superman vs Batman - Batman The Dark Knight Returns #4 (1986)

We all know this one. Old man Batman outsmarts and bashes Ma & Pa Kent’s boy into the Gotham dirt. How come it’s so easy to clean up Crime Alley? How did Supes Vs. Batman include this fight, the Doomsday fight, & Wonder Woman then turn out that s*** celluloid?
Winner: Batman

Superman vs Darkseid - Superman/Batman #13 (2004)

Doomsday all kills new Supergirl, Supes gets all #sadfaced, & then trashes Darkseid from the Kansas windows to the Source Walls. To blood drip down Darkseid’s palls?
Winner: Supes

Superman(s) Vs. Superboy (Prime) - Infinite Crisis #6-7 (2006)

Superboy gets #emo & proceeds to whale on the whole DC Universe. KMac, “Damn, he punched that guy into blood mist!”. 2 Supermen, the whole GL Corps with squished face Guy Gardner, & everyone else who can fly, presumably Bloodwynd included, are needed to slow down #angsty Superboy.
Winner: Superboy

Superman Vs. Ali - Superman Vs. Muhammad Ali (1978)

Aliens, the Scrubbs, come to earth to inspire great songs by TLC & get earth’s greatest champions to fight. Ali teaches Supes the sweet science, but it does no good when Ali typewriter punches him so hard stardust Jor-El feels it.

Winner: Ali

Beers:
KMAC: Apocalypse Party Club, Wild Mind Ales, Minneapolis, MN
Style: Smoothie-style Sour Ale, 4.5% ABV
Rating: Superboy punching through Doom Patrolers punch tasty.

Yek: Tall, Dark, & Handsome, Brookeville Beer Farm, Brookeville, MD
Style: Schwarzbier, 6.28% ABV
Rating: Muhammed Ali, the greatest tall, dark, and handsome, KOing Kal-El.

Hit us up at Email: [email protected], Twitter: @CBCO_Podcast, or Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comicbooks_coldones/