As Loud As I Want: "Unfocused" by Autumn Webb

06/18/21 • 3 min

Welcome to As Loud As I Want, a podcast that reflects the experiences of young women in rural Columbus County, North Carolina through the COVID-19 pandemic. We use spoken word and sound to share what we've been feeling, seeing and hearing in our communities. This podcast was created by a series of workshops where we learned about poetry and the arts of sound. In this episode, Autumn Webb of Buckhead, NC shares her piece, "Unfocused."
This workshop and podcast is funded in part by a grant from South Arts in partnership with the National Endowment for the Arts, with additional support from North Carolina Local News Lab and the Working Narratives Production and Education Fund. Learn more about our work and other audio productions at www.shoresides.org.Produced by Coastal Youth Media, Community CPR, and Autumn Webb. Hosted by Indya Barfield.
"Unfocused"
Focus scatters.
Dislike.
8 a.m.
It felt like 90 minutes of pain.
So tired.
The brightness of the computer.
Hurts my eyes.
It felt weird
In a way I didn't like.
At home, I got to lay down
At lunch.
It was like when we was a kid
And had naps during school.
I listen to music while I do work.
It was hard,
Being at home
And trying to learn.
The noise made it
Harder to concentrate.
Instead of desks and chalkboards,
I see the TV,
The hum of Cocomelon in the background.
The warmth of the computer on my lap.
Realizing my friends wasn't around.
These two years,
I feel like I've learned less.
Felt more difficult,
Being in class.
Every year,
I look forward to powwow.
Pandemic can't take away
Our connection
Or the taste of fear
When I go to take a test.
I love the sound when I type on the computer.
I didn't want
To wake up early.
I was so used
To waking up late.
Summer break.
Unusual.
Not the same.
We've been on our own
The whole time.
Long, tired days.
Working hard
On my summer job at Subway.
Into August,
Into my senior year.
Terrified,
But also excited for a normal year.
Music:
Unsilenced by Ketsa
In the Clouds by Be Still the Earth via Artlist
Sounds:
Digital alarm clock beeping by DB studios via Artlist
Joy Ride by Aves via Artlist
Typing on keyboard by Airborne Sound via Artlist

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Previous Episode

As Loud As I Want: "Quarantine" by Indya Barfield

Welcome to As Loud As I Want, a podcast that reflects the experiences of young women in rural Columbus County, North Carolina through the COVID-19 pandemic. We use spoken word and sound to share what we've been feeling, seeing and hearing in our communities. This podcast was created by a series of workshops where we learned about poetry and the arts of sound. In this episode, Indya Barfield of Whiteville, NC shares her piece, "Quarantine."
This workshop and podcast is funded in part by a grant from South Arts in partnership with the National Endowment for the Arts, with additional support from North Carolina Local News Lab and the Working Narratives Production and Education Fund. Learn more about our work and other audio productions at www.shoresides.org.Produced by Coastal Youth Media, Community CPR, and Indya Barfield. Hosted by Indya Barfield. "Quarantine"
Covid changed everything,
our lives will never be the same.
Thinking back to how things
Used to be,
Riding down to Myrtle Beach
Walking to Coastal Grand Mall
Or through Broadway.
How can anyone stay sane?
Wearing masks every day.
The feel of paper against my cheeks,
No smiles from strangers.
It's a different type of pain.
No fun,
No walking the aisles of Wal-Mart
On Columbus Corners Drive.
The sweet smells
From the bakery at the front
As I picked out my favorite
Sugar scrub.
Greeting family members,
Classmates from high school.
No games,
No deep conversations with
Nyasia from Hallsboro,
Trinity from Fayetteville.
My mom says to quarantine,
And I do.
Everyone is beginning to complain.
Out of work,
Out of money.
Checking our bank accounts,
Waiting for the stimulus.
Shortages on toilet paper.
When Whiteville hears
A hurricane is coming,
It's gone:
Bread, water, toilet paper.
This is the same.
Where there's sunshine
There's rain.
Is this a never ending
Pandemic game?
Lost loved ones.
Friends grieve grandmothers.
Broken families.
I try not to focus on it
As I drive to a new job,
Mask on,
Making do with what I have.Music:
Unsilenced by Ketsa
Reflections on the Water (ft. DYEBRIGHT) by SPEARFISHER via ArtlistSounds: Unemployment Claims Rise To Nearly 50 Million Amid Coronavirus Pandemic by NBC News NOW
NC toilet paper maker: ‘We can’t keep up with demand’. By Fox 46 Charlotte
Supermarket - Store Ambience, Checkout, Scanning Products Beeps by Shirley Spikes
Cityscape and Streets - Pedestrian Mall, Walla, Footsteps by West Wolf

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Next Episode

As Loud As I Want: "It's Time To Game" by Aunya Kirksey

Welcome to As Loud As I Want, a podcast that reflects the experiences of young women in rural Columbus County, North Carolina through the COVID-19 pandemic. We use spoken word and sound to share what we've been feeling, seeing and hearing in our communities. This podcast was created by a series of workshops where we learned about poetry and the arts of sound. In this episode, Aunya Kirksey of Bolton, NC shares her piece, "It's Time To Game."
This workshop and podcast is funded in part by a grant from South Arts in partnership with the National Endowment for the Arts, with additional support from North Carolina Local News Lab and the Working Narratives Production and Education Fund. Learn more about our work and other audio productions at www.shoresides.org.Produced by Coastal Youth Media, Community CPR, and Aunya Kirksey. Hosted by Indya Barfield.
"It's Time To Game"
During the pandemic,
I spent a lot of time gaming.
Mystery games, challenge games, story games.
Games that you could just do
Whatever you like.
Some people think it's wrong,
While some say it's life.
No time to fight,
Because that don't feel right.
Make a career out of gaming.
May be ridiculous to some.
I go to another dimension.
It takes away a lot of tension,
Like if you come home
From a stressful day at school,
Wou could just go on your tablet
Or you whatever you have
And play on it.
Some people say I spend a little too much on it.
I'm in the middle about that.
Makes me want to stay in the house more,
But it gave me something to do at home.
To me it's not lame,
So it's time to game.
Music:
Unsilenced by Ketsa
Sounds:
Fortnite Season 5 Solo Win No Commentary Gameplay Mandalorian by Anthony Allen via YouTube
GAMING CAREERS: How to Get a Gaming Related Career // Turn Gaming into a Career by ewby via YouTube