Celebrity Afterlife Report

U.S. Senator John McCain just arrived in the Next World. His arrival ceremony, attended by a huge crowd, was marred by a press release from a person we’ve covered many times on the Report. Who was the wet blanket and what did he say to insult war hero McCain? Robin Leach, former star of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, also just arrived in the Afterlife. Sources say that he may already be planning a return to show business. We’ll tell you what we know so far. Legendary playwright Neil Simon is the last of our three new arrivals. After his welcoming ceremony concluded, he received a shock followed by a pleasant surprise. What was the Odd Couple author told that rocked him back on his heels. You’ll find out. Veteran comedy actress Charlotte Rae took a job on the Next World sitcom “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” Apparently, however, all is no happy on the set as Rae found out on her first day when she was confronted by another cast member. We’ll name names and tell you how the show is planning on handling the situation.

The Queen Of Soul, Aretha Franklin, just arrived in the Next World. As you’d expect, there was a huge crowd on hand to welcome her to her new existence. We have all the details for you. Charlotte Rae who played Mrs. Garrett on The Facts Of Life, has accepted a part on a TV show. The Celebrity Medium is concerned taking the job may be a bad move for the veteran actress. Just wait til you hear why. There’s been yet another postponement of the announcement of the names of the boy and girl Martin Luther King Jr. and spouse Adolf Hitler adopted. People are starting to speculate about the delay and the speculation isn’t all kind. TV producer Steven Bochco is apparently planning on reviving his least successful show, Cop Rock. The Afterlife show biz community is buzzing about why Bochco would throw his energy into such a seemingly bad idea. We’ll tell what the word on the street is.

Fred Trump, father of the American President, is in a heated feud with Nicola Tesla, the scientist he hired to help him with the World Of Trump, the tourist attraction praising his son currently under construction. Rumor is that Tesla has walked off the project. You won’t believe it when we tell you what’s causing the rift. Charlotte Rae, the actress best known for playing Mrs. Garrett on TV’s The Facts Of Life, just arrived in the Next World. It seems that she may be back in the public eye before long. We’ll tell you why. Martin Luther King Jr. and hubby Adolf Hitler have accepted an offer to appear on a TV talk show, one that might cause problems for their newly-adopted son and daughter. You won’t believe it when you hear what the two newlyweds have agreed to. The producers of “Mayberry Today,” the update of the old Andy Griffith Show have come up with a solution to the problem of actor Don Knotts no longer looking like the wiry character he used to play. Their solution, however, is causing bigger problems on the set. Wait til you hear why the other actors can’t keep a straight face.

As predicted on this show, Fred Trump and Nicola Tesla have clashed over the direction Fred’s under-construction tourist trap The World Of Trump should take. As of now, Tesla is on strike until the argument is settled. In the aftermath of their ill received appearance on “The Girls,” Adolf Hitler and his husband Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. have gotten offers from many other talk shows to make an appearance. One offer is particularly interesting and we’ll fill you in on the details. Former Hollywood heartthrob Tab Hunter has already started his new career in gay porn. A source has given us a description of his on-screen “presence” and it may surprise you. “Mayberry Today,” the modern-day reboot of the original Andy Griffith Show is currently filming. One co-star looks radically different than how his fans remember him. The producers have a plan to fix that and we’ll tell you what radical steps they’re taking to accomplish it.

Nicola Tesla, famously eccentric scientific genius, has taken a job working for Fred Trump, father of the president, on a upcoming tourist attraction about his son. How are the men getting along? About as well as you’d expect. We’ll give you the deets. Tab Hunter, a recent arrival in the Next World, got an offer from the Wright Brothers to work with them producing gay porno movies. We now have his response and it may not be what you’re expecting. Babe Ruth is now the official co-host on the radio show he lost to Professor Stephen Hawking. The early reviews are in on their collaboration. Is it a hit or a miss? You’ll find out. Adolf Hitler and his new mister Martin Luther King Jr. appeared on TV the other day to announce the names of their two adopted children. What they said surprised everyone, including the hosts of the show. Just wait til you hear!