Blueprints

This episode’s question comes from Bradley in Las Vegas, Nevada:

Question:

"You’ve talked about the challenges of parenting in a culture of hurry and hostility. But what about the part of culture that seems to be getting more hopeless? How can we raise our kids to have hope in a world that feels like things are only getting worse?"

The Goal:
Instilling hope in our children, despite the increasing hopelessness in the world. While cultural despair is real, it doesn't need to infiltrate our homes. By aligning our perspective with God's truth, we can offer hope to our kids.

Common Misconceptions:
Many people believe the world is worse now than ever before, but biblically, there's nothing new under the sun. What’s changing is our perspective, not necessarily the state of the world.

How to Stay on Track in Parenting:

1. Perspective Matters:
   • The biblical worldview tells us that while challenges are real, this isn’t the worst the world has ever been. Wars, famines, and hardship have always existed, but today’s hyper-connected media amplifies fear and anxiety.
   • It's essential to shift our focus from the gloom to the bigger picture of God's plan, much like the analogy of holding a credit card close to your face—when it's too close, it's all you see, but when you step back, the world becomes clearer.
2. Anxiety is Caught and Taught:
   • If we’re anxious, our kids will be too. Children pick up on our emotions and responses. While anxiety is real and should not be minimized, we must recognize its contagious nature and be intentional about creating an environment of calm and trust.
   • Jesus himself spoke frequently about fear, reminding us to “be anxious for nothing,” and that anxiety is not an outgrowth of the Holy Spirit.
3. We Don’t Have to Play the Game of Hopelessness:
   • Though the world is filled with fear and hopelessness, as followers of Christ, we’re invited to live differently. We are called to a life of hope, grounded in God’s promises, not in the shifting circumstances of the world.
   • Parenting with this perspective can set our children free from the fears that dominate culture, allowing them to grow with hope and confidence in God's ultimate control.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode

• "Anxiety is caught and taught. If a parent is anxious, so will a kid be."
• "Just because hopelessness is part of the culture doesn’t mean it has to be part of your family."
• "Our world isn’t worse than it’s ever been. It’s our perspective that’s gotten worse."
• "Jesus said, ‘Do not be afraid,’ not because the world wasn’t hard, but because God is bigger than the world's problems."
• "Anxiousness is not a fruit of the Spirit."

Key Points Takeaways:

• The world isn't worse than ever, but our perspective often makes it seem that way. Shifting our focus allows us to raise children who see beyond the immediate chaos.
• Children learn anxiety from their parents. Being open about our struggles while pointing to hope in God’s promises helps our kids navigate a world full of fear.
• God offers a life of hope: We are not doomed to play by the world's anxious rules. We can parent with hope, knowing that God is in control.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss the growing sense of hopelessness in the world and how parents can counter that by instilling hope in their children. Remember, anxiety may be present in the culture, but it doesn’t need to define your home. Focus on God’s bigger plan, and model trust and hope for your kids.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

Welcome to this episode of Blueprints, where Greg and Cody discuss how to talk to your kids about faith and doubt.

Listener Question:

• From: Amanda in Chicago, Illinois
• Timestamp: 4:58
• Question: "I'm a parent of two children, ages 8 and 10, and I'm struggling with how to approach faith with my kids. They have started expressing doubt and questioning the teachings they've grown up with. How can I encourage their spiritual growth without making them feel pressured or judged while still maintaining the core spiritual values I believe are important for their lives?"

The Goal: To help parents navigate their children's faith questions with understanding and without fear, ensuring that these inquiries are part of a healthy spiritual journey.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

1. The Big Idea:
   • It's not our job to save our children; that's God's role. Our responsibility is to model genuine faith and allow God to work in their lives.
   • Emphasizing that questions and doubts are natural parts of a spiritual journey and can lead to deeper understanding and faith.
2. Biblical Inspiration:
   • Faith is described as a dynamic interaction initiated by God, with biblical figures like Abraham and Moses illustrating how personal struggles and doubts can lead to profound faith.
   • Discussion on how biblical stories teach us about the strength of faith that includes questioning and seeking.
3. What’s at Stake:
   • Ignoring or dismissing children's spiritual doubts can lead to disengagement from faith.
   • Encouraging open dialogue about faith and doubts can strengthen personal and family faith journeys.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Understanding and Openness in Faith:

1. Model Genuine Faith:
   • Share personal struggles and victories in faith transparently with children.
   • Demonstrate that faith can coexist with doubt and is not a pathway devoid of obstacles.
2. Foster a Safe Environment for Questions:
   • Encourage children to express their doubts and questions without fear of judgment.
   • Use questions as opportunities for joint exploration of faith, not just teaching moments.
3. Encourage Exploration and Curiosity:
   • Support children in seeking answers and understanding, showing that faith is not about having all the answers but about seeking truth with God's guidance.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "It's not your job to save them; it's God's job to save them."
• "Faith is not forced; if it's forced, then it's not real faith."

Greg and Cody’s Parenting Wins & Fails:

1. Greg’s Insight:
   • Shares a personal story of dealing with his son's straightforward approach to the Bible, illustrating the importance of adapting to children's evolving spiritual needs.
2. Cody’s Reflection:
   • Discusses how his initial resistance to family activities like puzzling turns into a metaphor for participating in messy but enriching family and faith dynamics.

Intro Timestamp: (00:00) - Cody discusses how assigning significant tasks to children can inspire them to take actions seriously, highlighting the connection between responsibility and the development of poise.

Listener Question:

• From: Lauren in Katy, Texas
• Timestamp: (06:00)
• Question: "How can I teach my children to interact pleasantly with adults and demonstrate poise in various situations? They sometimes act awkwardly, like staring or making strange noises instead of engaging normally."

The Goal: To help children develop poise, focusing on others-oriented behaviors rather than self-control, enabling them to handle various social situations gracefully.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

1. The Big Idea:
   • Poise is not merely about self-control; it's about cultivating an others-focused approach, where children learn to consider the feelings and needs of others in their actions.
2. Biblical Insights:
   • Discussions on biblical teachings that support the development of poise, such as living a quiet life (1 Thessalonians) and understanding the appropriateness of actions (Ecclesiastes).
3. What’s at Stake:
   • Developing poise in children helps them navigate social settings effectively, enhancing their ability to show respect and consideration for others, which is essential for their spiritual and social growth.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Poise:

1. Model Poise and Consideration:
   • Parents should demonstrate how to behave appropriately in various settings, providing a living example for their children.
2. Teach Situational Awareness:
   • Explain the expectations and norms of different social settings to children beforehand, helping them understand how to act accordingly.
3. Encourage Reflective Learning:
   • Discuss and review past experiences with children to reinforce lessons learned and encourage better choices in the future.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "Poise helps our kids live an others-focused life."
• "Poise is a way to show others love because it is based on a deep awareness of what people need in that particular moment."

Greg and Cody’s Insights:

1. Greg's Reflection:
   • Shares a personal story of his own childhood and how understanding from a young age shaped his interactions and behavior in public.
2. Cody’s Experience:
   • Talks about how teaching his children to handle various public settings has been a progressive journey of learning and adjustment.

Timestamps for Key Sections:

• Introduction to Poise Discussion: (00:00)
• Listener Question and Response: (06:00)

This episode’s question comes from Emily in New Jersey:

Question:

"No matter how much I discipline my kids, they keep misbehaving. How do I get my kids to behave and do the right thing?"

The Goal:
Good behavior is not the ultimate goal of good parenting. While discipline is important, the true focus should be on shaping a child’s heart and identity, rather than just their actions.

Common Misconception:
Many parents fall into the trap of thinking good parenting means having well-behaved children. However, focusing solely on behavior risks teaching children that love is conditional.

Staying on Track in Parenting

1. Good Behavior is Not the Ultimate Goal:
   • Good behavior is important but not the most crucial outcome of parenting. Parenting is about guiding children in character development, not just behavior correction.
   • Discipline is essential, but it should be seen as a process of shaping children into the person God designed them to be.
2. Behavior and Love Shouldn’t Be Conditional:
   • When parents make behavior the ultimate goal, they unintentionally teach that love is earned through obedience. This results in children who either rebel or behave out of fear.
   • God’s love for us is not transactional, and our parenting should reflect that same covenantal love—unconditional and consistent, regardless of behavior.
3. Misbehavior is a Learning Opportunity:
   • Instead of viewing misbehavior as a failure, see it as an opportunity for growth and discipleship. It’s a chance to teach your child about their identity and potential.
   • Discipline the action, but affirm the child's identity, reminding them that they are loved and capable of more.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode

• "Good behavior is not the goal of good parenting."
• "Kids are really bad at being adults—and that’s okay."
• "Love is not conditional to obedience."
• "When we make behavior the main thing, we teach our kids that love is earned."
• "Parenting isn’t about behavior modification, it’s about identity shaping."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Behavior isn't everything. Good behavior is fine, but it's not the ultimate goal. Parenting is about shaping a child’s heart and character.
• Love must be unconditional. If we emphasize obedience over love, children may feel that they have to earn our love through good behavior, which is not the message we want to send.
• Focus on identity over actions. Use misbehavior as a teaching moment to guide children in becoming the people God designed them to be, rather than simply correcting their actions.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody challenge the common belief that good parenting equals good behavior. True parenting involves guiding children through love, identity, and discipleship—not just focusing on their actions.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

This episode’s question comes from Eric in Billings, Montana:
Question:
"I see a lot of other parents pushing their kids really hard to succeed. Sometimes it feels too much. Am I hurting my kids by not pushing them hard enough?"

The Goal:

Winning or achieving success should not be the ultimate focus of parenting. Instead, the aim is to nurture children’s hearts and help them become whole, healthy individuals.

Common Misconception:

Many parents believe that their job is to ensure their kids achieve success, whether in sports, school, or life. But this pressure often teaches children that their worth is tied to performance, which can stifle their growth and lead to anxiety.

1. Winning is Not the Goal:
   • Winning or high achievement is not a measure of parental success. What matters more is raising children with character, joy, and resilience.
   • A shift from performance-based parenting to heart-centered parenting allows kids to thrive without fear of failure.
2. Love is Not Based on Success:
   • Emphasizing performance can inadvertently make kids feel that they need to earn their parents' approval. God's love is unconditional, and our parenting should reflect that.
   • Success-driven parenting risks building fragile identities that crumble when achievements fall short.
3. Failure is a Growth Opportunity:
   • Losing or falling short can be valuable teaching moments. These moments provide opportunities to build character, humility, and perseverance.
   • Instead of focusing on wins, focus on effort, attitude, and joy in the process—whether your child wins or loses.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "An emphasis on winning is a losing plan for parents."
• "God’s love is not based on merit, and neither should ours be."
• "Our kids are more than what they accomplish."
• "Winning might feel good, but it’s not the point—wholeness is."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Winning isn’t everything: Success isn’t the goal. Parenting should focus on shaping character, not chasing achievements.
• Love must be unconditional: Children need to know they are valued beyond their accomplishments.
• Embrace failure: Use moments of struggle as opportunities for growth. Value your child’s effort and attitude more than their outcome.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody challenge the idea that success defines good parenting. They explore how focusing on effort, joy, and character development—rather than chasing wins—leads to healthier children and relationships. Parenting, they argue, should reflect God’s unconditional love, freeing kids to grow without the fear of failure.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com