bloom stories

Welcome to Bloom, the podcast where mum’s share their unfiltered birth experiences. We hope that by listening to their stories, you feel empowered and inspired, wherever you are on your own journey.

Laura and I discuss home vs hospital births, weirdly wonderful pregnancy cravings, how mentally straining pregnancy is, how empowering birth can be, how hard it feels to go back to work but also how hard NOT working would also be. Listen to her story to find out how she rode the contraction wave to a home birth and how that compared to her second, equally positive hospital birth.

As one of 12 herself, large families are nothing new to Clare. Maybe it’s no surprise therefore that she takes the rollercoaster of being mother to her own five children, all in her stride. Join us as Amelia and Clare discuss what she has learnt from five pregnancies, five births and looking after five babies. We also tackle the impossible question of how to balance your own personal needs as a woman who has intelligence, talents, ideas and ambitions - with the needs of your children. Spoiler alert, it’s not easy!

Poppy’s story feels incredibly important to tell and I am really grateful that she has entrusted us with it. In the UK today, it is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth (source) yet, loss is usually only talked about behind closed doors. Poppy has been strong enough to share her story which includes giving birth to Daphne, her second baby, who was still born at 35 weeks. In speaking about the hardest days of her life, I know that Poppy will help other mothers who have lost babies feel less alone and she also shares valuable resources that can help any mothers out there who are dealing with grief. When you lose a baby, they are still your baby, they are a part of you forever and they never leave you. We hope that by giving Daphne’s story a home, it in some very tiny way lets her live on. TRIGGER WARNING We talk about a lot, including loss and still birth:

• A beautiful, straight forward first pregnancy
• Wanting the picture perfect dreamy natural birth
• Underestimating the pain involved in labour
• The influence of the prep course you choose to go on
• Fundamentally disagreeing with the idea that “You’ve failed” if you’ve not had the fairy lights, birth pool, no pain medication birth
• The fear of going into the unknown and not knowing how far the pain will go
• Settling into the rhythm of contractions and working out the best positions and coping methods over the hours of labour
• A practical partner getting you through the many wobbles of “I can’t do this”
• Oxytocin drip to advance labour
• Sleeping in between contractions
• Sickness with pethadin injection
• Asking for an epidural, too late
• The perfect first hour holding your new baby
• New and unexpected depths of love
• A wonderful surprise at being pregnant again
• Secret “lockdown” pregnancy
• Noticing at 34weeks that baby isn't kicking
• “I’m sorry”
• Realising your baby no longer has a heartbeat
• Being sent home to wait for a phone call, knowing your baby is dead inside you
• A weirdly “normal” labour in a bereavement suite
• Into surgery to remove the placenta
• Cuddle cots and memory boxes
• Wonderfully compassionate bereavement midwives
• Follow up support and care at hospital
• The grief pool
• Feeling like a new mother, without a baby
• I need a baby
• Getting pregnant again quickly
• The daily and constant anxiety having lost one baby
• Maternity leave after a still birth
• The innocence of life being infallible, taken away
• A beautiful, quick third birth
• A day in family life today
• A hilarious encounter with a tower of scotch eggs
• The people and organisations who have helped manage grief and their loss
• Advice for mothers who have lost babies, from someone who is living it too

Emily has had a whirlwind ten years. From relocating her whole life from Hertfordshire to the Midlands in order to live with her partner, to having three babies under five, to being made redundant whilst pregnant with her second child, to becoming self-employed and learning to juggle childcare as well as the very different needs of her three beautiful children. Emily has it all going on and she’s somehow managing to keep it all together without day to day support from family, who live on the other side of the country. We talk about her three c-sections and what her secret is to staying afloat.In this episode we talk about:

• Moving to the other side of the country and having no family nearby
• Being made redundant and becoming self-employed
• The fear before bedtime, not knowing what type of night you’re going to get
• Taking it slower and more gently third time round
• Trying to relax while there’s chaos around you
• Hoping and trying to get pregnant then feeling sad when it becomes a reality
• Finding it tough when friends aren’t in the same stage as you
• The experience of prior pregnancies giving you more confidence in your judgements and knowing when to worry vs not
• Buying other parent friends through NCT
• Waters breaking
• Being induced but nothing happening
• An emergency c-section
• Not eating for 26 hours
• Asking for morphine!
• Being discharged a few hours after a c-section
• A lockdown pregnancy and birth
• The unexpected joy of having no visitors in hospital
• A hole in uterus after the first c-section
• Painful post labour contractions with third baby
• Infected c-section scar
• Trying to rest and recover whilst having a toddler jumping all over you
• What to be careful of after a c-section
• Being tempted to rush recovery and it always being a mistake
• Life post third c-section
• Third child born at 38 weeks
• Feeling so much more confident third time round
• Struggling to introduce a bottle at four months following breastfeeding
• Learning to feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of family or in public
• The constraints of breastfeeding and wanting more than an hour to yourself
• Introducing one bottle in the evening and breastfeeding the rest of the day
• When your career stalls and your partners carries on
• Being made redundant while pregnant with second child
• Super grannies rallying round to help with childcare
• Catering to three children with very different needs

The highest highs, the lowest lows. The elation seeing a positive test, followed by the terrible grief of miscarriage. Trying to become pregnant again, yet unable to accept the fact when it happens. A physically healthy twin pregnancy, filled with anxiety. Needing help, but not wanting it when it arrives. Instagram vs the reality of life with newborns. The torture of two cries and having to decide who first. Wanting to do it all yourself and the guilt when it is impossible. Feeling entirely in love with your babies, yet wondering “why did we rush this”? Meg’s journey to motherhood is full of the contradictions and inner conflicts that are relatable to so many mothers. Together, we dive into them all and discover how Megs is navigating them all with her two beautiful boys.

In this episode we talk about:

• A stressful eight months trying to conceive
• First ever panic attack
• Losing a first baby: the deep and enduring grief
• The role of social media in shaping unrealistic expectations inducing unnecessary stress
• A very quick second conception
• Struggling to accept the second pregnancy after prior loss
• Chose to live in ignorance as long as possible as a coping mechanism
• Finding out there were two heart beats
• High intensity cognitive behavioural therapy due to high levels of anxiety and disbelief
• Two weeks miscarriage leave from work
• Heart burn and acid reflux
• Becoming proud of your stretch marks
• Weight gain post birth
• Struggling with the idea of a caesarian
• Why the anaesthetist is your best friend during a c-section
• When baby is taken to intensive care
• Holding both babies for the first time, at three days old
• Tube feeding and jaundice
• The car journey home on a sunny Easter Sunday
• Taking it day by day, nappy by nappy, feed by feed
• Envy of those with one baby
• A brutal reality check
• Breastfeeding and pumping for twins
• Need help so badly but finding it so hard to see someone else looking after your baby
• The torture of hearing two cries and having to choose