Blessed in This Mess

This is a rewind of Episode 8, “Finding Peace After Caregiving Ends,” strategically shared in the week before Father’s Day. Today I’m speaking to the hearts of listeners who have lost fathers, husbands, grandfathers, uncles, or someone special who’s been like a father. This is a deeper dive into a more emotional subject that is messy to think about and messier still to put into words. “What do I do now that my caregiving days are over?” “How do I heal from the absence of someone whose life has been so intimately interwoven with mine?”

There are volumes written on grief and recovery from loss. Full disclaimer, I am not a therapist. These are my observations about the grief process and tools that may help in healing, based upon all that I've learned. I offer three simple takeaways from three credible sources that have been useful for me and many others who are traveling this path to healing and wholeness after caregiving ends.

Resources:

• The Journeying Through Grief booklets by Dr. Kenneth Haugk, https://www.stephenministries.org/griefresources/default.cfm/774
• The Voices of Grief DVD, available to be streamed or purchased, https://voicesofgrief.org/
• The website for Emily P. Freeman’s podcast and book, The Next Right Thing, https://emilypfreeman.com/
• Today’s Bible touchpoint, from Ecclesiastes, 3:11, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3%3A11&version=NIV

Takeaways:

• Losing a loved one has been particularly difficult during these pandemic years, causing additional caregiver trauma.
• Dr. Kenneth Haugk is the author of a series of booklets called Journeying Through Grief that are designed to be read at particular times in the first year after loss.
• My takeaway from these booklets is “find your healing people.”
• Each person’s journey through grief is unique.
• There is no timetable for grief.
• Voices of Grief: Honoring the Sacred Journey is an award-winning documentary filled with helpful information from contemporary authors, poets, and grief experts.
• My takeaway from this resource is, “You will be whole again, but you will never be the same.” This is not necessarily a bad thing.
• Author Emily P. Freeman hosts a podcast and has written a book, both titled The Next Right Thing. Her work focuses on helping people in any life circumstance discern next steps, especially when decision making is difficult.
• My takeaway from Emily’s work is “Be open to being the wink of God for someone else.”
• Our Bible touchpoint from Ecclesiastes 3:11 is a reminder that we are on God’s time, and that He continues to work in our lives, even when some of the things we experience cannot be explained.

Let’s Connect!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lorischlosserspeaks

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorischlosserspeaks/

Website: https://www.lorischlosser.com/

Last week I spoke on Zoom to Margaret in England, as we chatted about my upcoming online talk to employees of a global technology company. It seems the need for support for family caregivers crosses oceans and time zones. We have so much in common, regardless of geography.

After scanning my website and listening to a few episodes of this podcast, Margaret wanted me to be sure include some dialogue about the upsides of being a family caregiver. To focus on the positives, despite and in the face of the grind...the day-in-and-day-out vigilance, the interrupted sleep, the appointments, the worry, the stress, the mess. Challenge accepted!

Today I’d like to suggest that we are becoming more. No. Not more grumpy or short-tempered; although some days feel like that. No. I mean the more you and I are becoming over the long haul. How do I know this is happening? Because I’ve been paying attention to us. And, as time marches on, we are becoming more of the good stuff, despite our messy days as a family caregiver. Today I cover my top 5 observations about the ways the family caregiving journey is molding us into better human beings.

Resources:

My story in the Illinois Times, https://www.illinoistimes.com/springfield/blessed-in-this-mess/Content?oid=14868320

My interview with NPR Illinois, https://www.nprillinois.org/community-voices/2022-05-20/lori-schlosser-provides-encouragement-to-caregivers-with-podcast-blessed-in-this-mess-community-voices

Today’s Bible touchpoint, James 1:2-4, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+1%3A2-4&version=NIV

Takeaways:

• Despite the difficulties around being a family caregiver, there are upsides to the journey.
• We are become MORE of the good stuff in many ways. I offer five.
• We are more deeply connected to friends who “get it.”
• We are more accepting and flexible around accommodating others who have needs, even those different than ours.
• We are more empathetic, better listeners, better encouragers.
• We can be more influential, offering education and advocacy in schools, with medical systems and insurance companies, and in the halls of government.
• We are more resilient, because we’re accustomed to finding joy in hard places and figuring out how best to cope with strain over time.
• It is an act of extravagant love to persevere as a family caregiver. But that perseverance is shaping us into better human beings.

Let’s Connect:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lorischlosserspeaks

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorischlosserspeaks/

Website: https://www.lorischlosser.com/

This episode focuses on an element of emotional health I believe is a game changer, practicing gratitude, even when caregiving is messy. I share a story about a pair of inexpensive sunglasses that remind me of famous actress, Elizabeth Taylor. She was often photographed wearing large, round, dark lenses with black frames. I inherited a similar pair after my mom passed, and the lenses make the world look so beautiful! The lens through which we see the world makes a difference, doesn’t it? My focus today is on adopting a lens of gratitude, defining that lens, and offering a few simple suggestions around using it. Given the challenges of family caregiving, there’s no shame in needing an occasional reminder around being grateful, because the benefits of this perspective are huge.

Resources:

Today’s Bible touchpoint, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Thessalonians+5%3A16-18&version=NIV

Takeaways:

• A lens of gratitude is a conscious choice that takes practice and periodic reminders.
• This lens is an antidote to the darkest parts of caregiving, because it promotes a change in perspective, from what is wrong in our lives to what is right.
• This lens is also a powerful tool to share with the loved ones in our care as well as others we connect with each day.
• Start with the Rule of 3: Find 3 things you are grateful for each morning or evening. Some use gratitude journals for this exercise, but they are not necessary, unless you prefer to write them down.
• Tiny can be mighty. Your items don’t have to be monumental, just meaningful. They could be as basic as, “I’m grateful for the end of another week.”
• If you’re stuck, consider 3 things you were able to accomplish today. This can also be very basic, like “I was able to take a shower and wash my hair between tasks.” Or “I was able to take a 10-minute walk.”
• Simply gratitude, each day. This is your reminder about the power of this lens. 😊

Let’s Connect:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lorischlosserspeaks

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorischlosserspeaks/

Website: https://www.lorischlosser.com/

This episode is strategically timed to run prior to Mother’s Day and Father’s Day 2022, after so many of us have lost loved ones in the pandemic years. Several listeners have asked me to address this topic, because they are struggling with it. This is a deeper dive into a more emotional subject that is messy to think about and messier still to put into words. “What do I do now that my caregiving days are over?” “How do I heal from the absence of someone whose life has been so intimately interwoven with mine?”

There are volumes written on grief and recovery from loss. Full disclaimer, I am not a therapist. These are my observations about the grief process and tools that may help in healing, based upon all that I've learned. I offer three simple takeaways from three credible sources that have been useful for me and many others who are traveling this path to healing and wholeness after caregiving ends.

Resources:

• The Journeying Through Grief booklets by Dr. Kenneth Haugk, https://www.stephenministries.org/griefresources/default.cfm/774
• The Voices of Grief DVD, available to be streamed or purchased, https://voicesofgrief.org/
• The website for Emily P. Freeman’s podcast and book, The Next Right Thing, https://emilypfreeman.com/
• Today’s Bible touchpoint, from Ecclesiastes, 3:11, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3%3A11&version=NIV

Takeaways:

• Losing a loved one has been particularly difficult during these pandemic years, causing additional caregiver trauma.
• Dr. Kenneth Haugk is the author of a series of booklets called Journeying Through Grief that are designed to be read at particular times in the first year after loss.
• My takeaway from these booklets is “find your healing people.”
• Each person’s journey through grief is unique.
• There is no timetable for grief.
• Voices of Grief: Honoring the Sacred Journey is an award-winning documentary filled with helpful information from contemporary authors, poets and grief experts.
• My takeaway from this resource is “You will be whole again, but you will never be the same.” This is not necessarily a bad thing.
• Author Emily P. Freeman hosts a podcast and has written a book, both titled The Next Right Thing. Her work focuses on helping people in any life circumstance discern next steps, especially when decision making is difficult.
• My takeaway from Emily’s work is “Be open to being the wink of God for someone else.”
• Our Bible touchpoint from Ecclesiastes 3:11 is a reminder that we are on God’s time, and that He continues to work in our lives, even when some of the things we experience cannot be explained.

Let’s Connect:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lorischlosserspeaks

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorischlosserspeaks/

Website: https://www.lorischlosser.com/

This topic is a breath of fresh air for family caregivers and care receivers. I share a favorite audio clip from the Disney movie, Mary Poppins, highlighting the importance of finding the fun “in every job that must be done.” Author Courtney Ellis suggests we should all be more open to what she calls “the joy and freedom of play.” Even in the messiness of family caregiving, I couldn’t agree more There are many benefits to a playful mindset, for caregivers and everyone who surrounds them. Playfulness is easier to work into your day than you might think. Check out this episode for four simple steps to finding the fun in your day and for approaching the messiness of family caregiving from a playful perspective. One of my favorite episodes so far! Hope it gives you fresh perspective to consider as you move through your days.

Resources:

• “A Spoonful of Sugar” audio clip from Mary Poppins Soundtrack, Disney, 1964
• The No More Perfect Podcast with Jill Savage, guest Courtney Ellis, https://open.spotify.com/episode/55W0PHmzJEarRe29zrsEen
• Website for Courtney Ellis, https://courtneybellis.com/
• A link to Courtney’s book, Happy Now: Let Playfulness Life Your Load & Renew Your Spirit, https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/happy-now-courtney-ellis/1137916322
• Today’s Bible touchpoint, Ecclesiastes 3:1-4, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%203%3A1-4&version=NIV

Takeaways:

• A spirit of playfulness can be a real blessing for a family caregiver, supporting a positive attitude for the caregiver, for the care receiver, and for everyone who comes in contact with them.
• Jill Savage recently interviewed author Courtney Ellis on The No More Perfect Podcast. Courtney wrote a book in 2021 about the importance of incorporating playfulness into your day.
• According to Ellis, “Playfulness raises us from our doldrums, lifts our gazes, and buoys our spirits. It holds the power to transform our lives. A gift from God who created us, playfulness reminds us that we are a people dearly loved and set free to tell everyone that they are dearly loved, too.”
• Caregivers can find a million reasons not to be playful, but there is joy to be found in adopting this mindset when circumstances allow it.
• My four steps to finding this joy in your day include giving yourself permission to play, looking for opportunities to play, not making it harder than it is, and not expecting perfection.
• Ellis suggests we think of something we loved to do as a child and adapt our activities in that direction or think about what we’d do for fun if we had a day to ourselves. I offer some ideas to encourage us to think more on this!
• Our Bible touchpoint from Ecclesiastes suggests there is a time for every activity under heaven, including a time to laugh and a time to dance. What a blessing to incorporate playfulness into our days as family caregivers!

Let’s Connect!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lorischlosserspeaks

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorischlosserspeaks/

Website: https://www.lorischlosser.com/