Jessica Grose on the State of American Motherhood

Why are expectations about being a woman—specifically a mother—so unrealistic?

Mother, author, and New York Times opinion writer Jessica Grose has a lot to say on this subject. Her latest book, Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood, is inspired by her own shortcomings as a mother. She interviewed hundreds of women as part of the research process while writing the book. In it, Jessica shines a light on the current state of motherhood, and the historical context around the impossible standards for American mothers.

In honor of Mother’s Day, Jessica and I sit down to discuss the narrative and messaging to parents that “they’re doing it wrong.” Jessica urges parents to learn to trust their instincts and to show up to parenting as their authentic, imperfect selves.

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Transcript of the podcast is here!

[00:00:00] Dr. McBride: Hello, and welcome to my office. I’m Dr. Lucy McBride and this is Beyond the Prescription, the show where I talk to my guests like I do my patients, pulling the curtain back on what it means to be healthy, redefining health as more than the absence of disease. As a primary care doctor for more than 20 years, I’ve realized that patients are much more than their cholesterol and their weight, that we are the integrated sum of complex parts. Our stories live in our bodies. I’m here to help people tell their story, to find out, are they okay, and for you to imagine, and potentially get healthier from the inside out.

[00:00:45] You can subscribe to my weekly newsletter at lucymcbride.substack.com and to the show at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you find your podcasts. So let’s get into it and go beyond the prescription.

[00:01:01] Dr. McBride: Today I'm interviewing Jessica Grose. She is a mother, she is an author, and she is a New York Times opinion writer who writes a lot about parenting. Her most recent book is called Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood. I was immediately drawn to this book because it was inspired by Jess's own perceived shortcomings as a mother, something I think a lot of us women can relate to. The book combines in-depth interviews with mothers and a historical context on motherhood to help explain why our expectations about being a mom are so unrealistic.

[00:01:37] I think there's a narrative that a lot of us women and mothers absorb that if we only read the right book, if we only had the right parenting expert on speed dial, that we could be the perfect mother when it's not that simple, and frankly, we need to be better able to trust our instincts to know that by showing up, by being a good person and by leading with empathy and curiosity about who our kids are that we are good enough. Jess, I'm thrilled to have you today. Thank you so much for joining me.

[00:02:07] Jess: Thank you for having me. I just wanted to mention, we actually recently dropped the on parenting. I will still talk about parenting. I think my last column was about parenting related issues, but I wanted to have a chance to broaden my aperture a little bit, write about all sorts of issues, mostly cultural, but it's been exciting and I'm really looking forward to this year.

[00:02:30] I mean, an example of that was I just did a big piece about midlife and millennials at midlife. I am one. I am an ancient millennial. I just turned 41.

[00:02:39] Dr. McBride: What's the newsletter called now?

[00:02:41] Jess: It's just my name, just Jessica Grose.

[00:02:43] Dr. McBride: Okay, awesome. How cool is that though, Jessica, that you got to move from being a reporter, which I know you loved to giving your Opinion. I mean, anyone who knows me will tell you that. I love data. I love analysis....