Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast

We all know that wellness is important, but how about sexual wellness?

Sara and co-host Ben are recording from London this episode, and they talk to Billie Quinlan and Anna Hushlak, the creators of Ferly (formerly called Leika at time of recording), an app that guides women through various areas of sexual wellness, aiming to transform their relationship to sex.

Billie and Anna introduce the concept of sexual wellness, which is not merely the freedom from sexual dysfunction, but also the ability to experience sexual pleasure.We discuss why people sometimes don’t equate sex with wellness and as such, tend to overlook it.

Billie and Anna deliver an empowering message – equating sexual wellness with self-respect and self-love, and defining the impact that it has on a woman's entire life, not just in the bedroom.

---

How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz:

Follow us on Instagram.

Show notes for this episode here.

How has the global pandemic affected your sex and love life? And how can you ‘corona-proof’ your relationship against the stress, uncertainty and conflict?

A crisis like the one we find ourselves in accelerates the dynamics of any relationship, and you may feel more intense emotions for each other or reach breaking point more quickly.

We’re all concerned about staying physically healthy during these times; but it just as important to keep your relationships safe, strong and healthy too.

Sara chats with clinical psychologist Dr. Kimberly Carder, as we discuss practical strategies and solutions to answer the following crowdsourced questions from followers:

1. How do I reduce anxiety for myself, and comfort and reassure my partner during this crisis?
2. I’m around my partner all the time, and we don’t have much desire for sex right now. How can we spice things up and re-capture that sense of excitement?
3. We’re both stuck at home at this intense time, which is driving us to nitpick and fight with each other over lots of small things that wouldn’t normally bother us. What can we do?
4. My partner and I are stuck in different cities, and I’m feeling lonely and bored now that we’re separated. What can we do to feel more connected?
5. My partner thinks I am over reacting and minimizes my fear of the coronavirus, how can I get them to take it more seriously?
6. Is it even safe to have sex these days?

Kim and Sara talk about why the power of “teamwork” is more essential than ever during these times, and the need for the 4Cs – creativity, communication, connection and commitment – to strengthen any relationship, and keep things hot and sexy!

----

Want more tips on corona-proofing your sex and love life? Get Sara’s online training

Follow us on Instagram

Follow Dr Kimberley Carder on Instagram

Detailed show notes for this episode here

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

Ever felt self-conscious about your body during sex? Studies show that shame and anxiety about one's body lead to the avoidance of physical intimacy and reduced sexual satisfaction.

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat follow Curvasian.com founder and body positive advocate Bertha Chan through her journey that led her to thrive as a plus-size woman in Asia.

Having never been able to find a dress to fit into growing up—not to mention having to endure judgement from those who were dear to her—a fateful encounter with a plus size and body positivity community on Instagram inspired Bertha to take an active role in empowering millions of women just like her around the world.

Bertha touches on why its so important that body positivity starts with self acceptance, and not relying on other people to validate you.

She also shares some of her strategies around becoming more body confident in the bedroom, including how to have an open conversation with one’s partner and also how she asks her partner to shower love on the specific body parts she feels insecure about during sex.

This is a brave, vulnerable conversation about resisting the challenges and pressures that society places upon us to look a certain way or fit a certain mould. Regardless of what size or shape you are, we learn what can be done to cultivate a stronger sense of body positivity as a practice in our day-to-day lives, and of course, our sex life!

---

How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

Follow us on Instagram

Detailed show notes for this episode here

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

Is your perception of BDSM and kink informed by the infamous Fifty Shades of Gray?

Even though the Fifty Shades franchise does a lot to bring BDSM to the mainstream, it also get a lot of things wrong. Particularly one of BDSM’s key principles, negotiating consent.

Sara and co-host Kat sit down with Jannus of KinkBites — a veteran kinkster, community organizer, and Hong Kong dungeon manager — to lament the Fifty Shades effect, and the myths and misconceptions around BDSM that it perpetuates.

We talk about how the “church of kink” is full of variety (and not all about pain) and how kinky people come from all walks of life. Jannus’s shares his own personal introduction to kink – when his desire to learn how to do better drag resulted in a fateful encounter with Mistress Decima, Hong Kong’s “Godmother of Kink”.

Jannus provides recommendations to beginners and newbies who want to get started with BDSM. He sheds light on common BDSM terminology, what toys one can start with, dating as a kinky person and how to introduce a vanilla partner to your kinks. All in a fun, non-threatening, consensual manner.

---

How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

For more sex-positive resources, visit Sarasense

Or follow us on Instagram

Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)

Do people with disabilities have a right to be sexual? And what can they teach able-bodied people about intimacy and sexuality?

On this episode, Sara and co-host Kat talk to Carmen Yau, a registered social worker with a PhD from Hong Kong Polytechnic University and founder of erotica collection, “Sugar’s XXX Stories”.

Having been born with spinal muscular atrophy, Carmen is an iconic spokesperson for the sexual equality of people with disabilities and women. She is very vocal about breaking the taboo of people with disabilities often being considered asexual, as well as debunking other myths.

Armed with her own personal experiences living in a traditional Asian culture which focuses on “infantilising” people with disabilities as a form of protection, she shares how she was able to explore her sexuality, in spite of her physical limitations.

In particular, she talks about the creativity that people with disabilities use in terms of coming up with unique sex toys, sex positions, and even how their bodies can sometimes develop heightened senses that can lead to “abstract orgasms”

This episode will challenge your idea of what is considered “normal” in sex and sexuality. Listen in as Carmen shares an empowering message for everyone, whether disabled or able-bodied -about loving one’s body and valuing oneself. She believes that how you perceive yourself impacts how you conduct yourself with others, and how fruitful your life will be.

---

How confident a lover are you? Take the quiz

Follow us on Instagram

Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you’ve gotten value from this podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you subscribed and left a review. :)