Beneath the Noise

Bipolar disorder isn’t just mood swings—it’s a lived experience that can shape everything from careers to relationships. In this episode of Beneath the Noise, I take a deep dive into what it’s like to live with bipolar disorder, from hypomania’s deceptive highs to the terrifying reality of full-blown mania. With a mix of personal storytelling, humor, and hard-earned insight, I explore my journey from undiagnosed chaos to hospitalization and, eventually, treatment. I talk about the messy reality of managing medication, the impact on friendships, and the relentless trial-and-error process of therapy. This isn’t a clinical breakdown—it’s a raw, honest look at what it really means to navigate life with bipolar disorder. If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like from the inside, this episode is for you.

"Self-care" has become a buzzword, repackaged and sold to us as $8 green juices, expensive meditation apps, and Instagrammable bath bombs. But let’s be real—none of that actually fixes the feeling of barely holding it together. So what does real self-care look like, especially when your brain is actively working against you? In this episode, we’re cutting through the BS and talking about what actually helps.

First, we get into the fundamentals—sleep, nutrition, movement, and why your brain hates doing things that are good for it. Then, we tackle the mental health industrial complex—why some advice is solid, some is useless, and some is just another way to make you feel like you’re failing at life. Finally, we talk about survival strategies that actually work—how to trick your brain into cooperating, why humor is an underrated coping skill, and why sometimes, the best self-care is just getting through the day in one piece.

Whether you’re dealing with burnout, depression, or just trying to function in a world that demands way too much, this episode is for you. No toxic positivity, no impossible standards—just real talk about how to keep going, one ridiculous day at a time.

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New Year’s Eve has always been my favorite holiday—until 2018, when it became a dividing line between the person I was before my hospitalization and the one I was trying to become after. In Into the Fog of Psychosis: Part 2, I walk you through what comes next—the exhaustion of recovery, the identity crisis that follows psychosis, and the quiet war of trying to exist in a world that wasn’t built for people like me.

From job interviews that feel like performances to the infuriating reality of getting (and affording) the right medication, this episode is about what happens after the crisis, when the world expects you to be fine again. Because the truth is, recovery isn’t linear, it isn’t neat, and sometimes, just existing is the biggest battle of all.

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I was 25 the first time I had a psychotic break—standing in a hospital shower, staring at my own reflection in an anti-suicide showerhead, trying to make sense of the person looking back at me. It wasn’t the beginning of my story, and it definitely wasn’t the end.

Beneath the Noise is a podcast about mental illness—the raw, disorienting, sometimes absurd reality of living with a brain that refuses to play by the rules. It’s part memoir, part cultural analysis, and entirely uninterested in neat, easy narratives.

This isn’t about self-improvement. It’s about survival, diagnosis, misdiagnosis, the long road of recovery, and all the ways mental illness collides with work, relationships, pop culture, and identity.

If you’ve ever found yourself spiraling at 3 AM, side-eyeing your own brain like it’s an unreliable narrator—well, you’re not alone.

This is Beneath the Noise

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Reality isn’t fixed. It bends, shifts, warps—sometimes so slowly you don’t notice until you’re too far gone to claw your way back. At first, it’s just a feeling. A whisper. A pattern hiding in plain sight. And then, suddenly, it’s everything. The world rearranges itself into a puzzle only you can solve. The messages are everywhere. The connections are undeniable.

Except... they’re not.

In this first part of Into the Fog of Psychosis, I take you inside what it’s like when your mind turns against you—when certainty replaces doubt, when fear becomes fact, and when the very foundation of reality starts to slip. Psychosis is terrifying. It’s surreal. And it’s not what people think it is.

This is Beneath the Noise. Welcome to the fog.

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