Apocrypals
Benito and Chris
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Top 10 Apocrypals Episodes
Goodpods has curated a list of the 10 best Apocrypals episodes, ranked by the number of listens and likes each episode have garnered from our listeners. If you are listening to Apocrypals for the first time, there's no better place to start than with one of these standout episodes. If you are a fan of the show, vote for your favorite Apocrypals episode by adding your comments to the episode page.
04/14/18 • 75 min
"Therefore I issue a decree that anyone of any people, nation, or language who says anything offensive against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego will be torn limb from limb and his house made into a garbage dump." -- Daniel 3:29
This week, Benito and Chris take their first foray into the Old Testament, and into the Apocrypha with the Book of Daniel, including the deuterocanonical Prayer of Azariah, Bel and the Dragon, and Susanna. Join us as we discuss Nebuchadnezzar's harsh penalties, Daniel's Encyclopedia Brown-esque early days, examine the one weird trick that makes doctors hate this local prophet, and treat you to what might be the most amazing pun of the entire Bible. Plus: Chris went to Mass!
Topics of discussion: Catholic Mass and the Lord's Prayer freestyle breakdown, the Tanakh vs. the Old Testament, a brief recap of the period between Abraham and Alexander the Great, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, turning houses into garbage dumps as punishment for bad dream interpretation, most of the Bible stories you bring up conversationally, Antiochus IV Epiphanes and an excellent goof from history, tree puns in Greek, the Septuagint, Encyclopedia Daniel, Angelic GrubHub, 2 Creeps.
2 Listeners
12/13/20 • 109 min
Happy Holidays, Theophiloi! It's our favorite time of the year, and that means we're once again reading the story about how an angel came down to herald the birth of a child whose divine nature would be revealed by a dove, and who would gather a group of followers and perform many wondrous miracles: the Blessed Voltron Mary. Yeah, apparently the whole "be not afraid" stuff happened to her first, but don't worry. Jesus gets his own unique adventures in taming lions, sittin' on a sunbeam, and being worshipped by straight up literal dragons in this, the wildest and least canonical infancy gospel of all. It's the Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew, courtesy of Brandon W. Hawk and the Early Christian Apocrypha series!
Topics of discussion: A rabbinical endorsement of our mozzarella stick tradition from The RaDR, a lifetime supply of pencils, Kayfabe Matthew, the relatability of Mary, the delight of the afternoon in Bethlehem, the hideous dogs of antiquity, Robert Animacorpus, the Starbucks in Nazareth, the angels Grubhubiel and Doordashiel, Mary's Womanly Experience, buying makeup at Tasepiphorus, the eternal reward for trees and cars, Jesus got ups, the worst thing I have ever read in my life.
Hymnal: "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" by Darlene Love, "Donner and Blitzen" by Rob Halford.
Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246
Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17.
1 Listener
08/20/23 • 73 min
Don't worry, Theophiloi! You still have some time to leave coffee out for a werewolf and decorate your anti-arousal thorn bush for Approximate Week (observed). We're bumping back our celebrations to once again bring you a Chill Hangout Sesh with some of our multipals! This time, it's the oft-mentioned Drs. Janet Spittler and Tony Burke, a pair of experts in New Testament Apocrypha that I personally mostly just ask about Wolverine from the X-Men.
Topics of Discussion: NASCAR: it really works!TM, the noncanon canon, Just Some Gospels, a few apocalypses is plenty of apocalypses, the Comically Extended Death of the Herods, Johnnys Thunderson and Bapto, Jesus and the first chain letter, Jeezey and the Bandit II, Bible Team-Up #1-7, Toxic Mark Gospels_Manual_V9_Revised_Final.pdf, a consensus of one (onesensus), remembering the yellow guy from cartoons.
Hymnal: "Hand on the Needle" by Brent Hagerman.
Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.
Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246
Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17
1 Listener
10/11/23 • 75 min
You there, Theophiloi! What day is to-day? Wait, what? OCTOBER?! Well, I guess we did miss it, then, and the spirits took their sweet time teaching us the true meaning of Approximate Week. Oh well, time is an illusion and regular publishing schedules are a prison. Either way, we're back with a brand new episode covering the Didache and talking about our mutual birthsday!
Topics of Discussion: In Burger King as in life, an X-Change of Swords, the Holy Spirit guides you to ol’ Deuts, RIP to a One, everyone should be having fun, Sigma Scripture, great news for chihuahuas, Magic Arts & Filthy Talking: Together Again, the Pepsi of Baptism, making a meal of the Eucharist, ...You might be a False Prophet.
Hymnal: "Come With Me" By Sean "Didache" Combs
Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.
Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246
Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17
1 Listener
03/29/18 • 42 min
"Then, even if your beginnings were modest, your final days will be full of prosperity." -- Job 8:7
Welcome to Apocrypals, the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, but aren't, you know, jerks about it. Join comic book writers Benito Cereno and Chris Sims as they embark on a complete, non-sequential journey from Acts to Zephaniah, with stops in the Apocrypha along the way.
Before we dive into the Good Book, though, we sit down to explain exactly why we're doing this, what our goals are, and our own history with a particularly Southern brand of Christianity.
Topics of discussion: The music of Carman, "pizza parties," Wu Tang vs. Supreme Court vs. Apostles, raps about the Gospels, St. Brightside, Paul as the Captain America of the Apostles.
1 Listener
1: Porky Party (The Book of Acts)
Apocrypals
04/08/18 • 78 min
"Look, you scoffers, marvel and vanish away, because I am doing a work in your days, a work that you will never believe, even if someone were to explain it to you." — Acts 13:41
Chris and Benito begin their Biblical journey with the sequel to the Gospels. The Holy Ghost Awakens as Peter proves to be pretty hard-line about communism, Paul goes a little too hard in the paint, and we meet our first favorite character in the Book.
Topics of discussion: Holy Week breakdown, Theophilus and the #squad, Judas exploding, St. Christopher (a werewolf), Pentecost, Ananias and Saphira vs. Full Socialism, Simon Magus, 12 dudes with like four names between them, the Party Dude of the Book of Acts, Snake Church, the two main dudes of the Bible.
1 Listener
10/30/23 • 99 min
Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine.
No, really. That's what the movie is about.
Topics of Discussion: Sex is Wacko (But Not Right Now For Teens), an empty field with fire and Danhausen, Benito: a lonely fan of corn, a bonus review of Journey to Hell (2022), Vegeta's cool shirt, approved uses of oils, puppet ministries, Nick's Mom/Atom Bomb, the purple box as metaphor, the Jared Leto of Christian Horror, the most adult magazines, The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy... Again!, a second "What the Frick?"
Hymnal: "Monster Smash" By Altégo
Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.
Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246
Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17
1 Listener
Multipals 06: Dr. Justin Sledge
Apocrypals
02/05/24 • 79 min
It's 2024, Theophiloi, and a new year means new friends for your humble sons of thunder! This time, we're chatting to Dr. Justin Sledge about Biblical esoterica and Qabalah, and you know what that means: we finally find out if Promethea or Persona 5 is a more accurate depiction of real-world theology. It turns out Sephiroth ain't just a dude with a big sword and some deep-rooted issues with his mom. Who knew? (Justin did. That's why he's here.)
Find out more about Justin and his work at https://www.youtube.com/esotericachannel
Topics of Discussion: A Froggy Fresh Christmas; New Bible Drop; Forbidden coneys; the 36th Chamber of Qabalah; The messiah’s hype man; Sixty pages on three words; The art of harmonisation; Pugilists of faith; Schrodinger’s Gnosticism; Running for the deep, mystical border; God’s Hulk (complimentary); The hedge against cultural imperialism; The Twelve (derogatory).
Hymnal: "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel
Apocrypals is edited by Editorial Deacon Lucas Brown.
Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246
Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17
1 Listener
07/12/20 • 96 min
Welcome to your Not-So-Dirty Thirties, Theophiloi! For as it is written, in the New Jerusalem, we will all be at the age where it's time to start thinking about getting an IRA, and realizing that we can't stay up drinking like we used to do... forever. This is one of the many strange things we learn in our set of three dubiously Johannine Apocalypses brought to us by New Testament Apocrypha Vol. 2, brought to us by translators Rick Brannan, Rebecca Draughon, Jeannie Sellick, Janet E. Spittler, Chance E. Bonar, Tony Burke, and Slavomir Čéplö. Join us as we learn about the church's many metaphorical body parts and witness a world-shattering kick from an angel. Plus: a truly wonderful etymology.
Topics of Discussion: (Heavy Sigh) the weather, JesusFAQS, a joke for the olds, our Obama-Era Bodies, concerns about Benjamin Harrison's corpse, candles (to smell), blue scents, seals (the boring kind), vegetable-based signs of Armageddon, a comprehensive physical description of the Antichrist, the Regulation of John, a large rock and a quick debate about terminal velocity, the Seven-Mouthed Pit of Punishment, Lord Fallsworth, Lord Fairfax, Righteous John and Just John, candles (to eat).
Hymnal: "River Deep, Mountain High" by Tina Turner, "Edge of Glory," by Jonatas Andrade (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf7gfrO6HfG8d_Ti5fCrchA)
Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals
Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.
04/05/20 • 105 min
Happy Apocryphersary, Theophiloi! It's our show's second approximate birthday and it also just happens to be Big Boy Season. we're celebrating both with our annual tradition of checking in with Enoch, one of two prophets that God liked so much that he brought him directly to Heaven to hang out with a bunch of on fire eye wheels for 3,000 years before anyone else got there. And yes, this is definitely Heaven. It's absolutely, definitely Heaven. Trust us, it's all completely normal Bible stuff.
Topics of discussion: the Portal of Hubris, Ten-Pound Necktie, Big Boi Bible, in-car worship service, Enochian: The Language of the Angels, the Ophanim Clarence, Willy Wonka nonsense, DewBox, Chalky Dry, a special appearance from The G.O.A.T., the secret Tenth Heaven, Todd McFarlane's Book of Enoch, the four things that make up history, Ultimate Genesis, planetary hours, icing bros in the seventh generation of man, Benito basically calling Chris a clown to his face even though he can't even remember what Batman says in Batman Begins, double evil, the confirmed existence of Dog Heaven, speculation about Rancho Heaven, the Exaltation of Melchizedek which is somehow even weirder than the rest of the boo.
Hymnal: "The Boys are Back In Town" by Thin Lizzy, "Gimme Gimme Gimme" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45), "Under Pressure" by Tom Scharpling, Queen, and David Bowie (thebestshow.net)
Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals
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FAQ
How many episodes does Apocrypals have?
Apocrypals currently has 125 episodes available.
What topics does Apocrypals cover?
The podcast is about History, Comedy and Podcasts.
What is the most popular episode on Apocrypals?
The episode title '2: One Weird Trick (The Book of Daniel with Apocrypha)' is the most popular.
What is the average episode length on Apocrypals?
The average episode length on Apocrypals is 89 minutes.
How often are episodes of Apocrypals released?
Episodes of Apocrypals are typically released every 14 days.
When was the first episode of Apocrypals?
The first episode of Apocrypals was released on Mar 29, 2018.
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@orderjackalope
Apr 15
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