S5E6 Boundaries Around Holidays and Gatherings
11/23/23 • 3 min
Welcome to this episode of Alopecia Life. The time for gatherings is here. Holidays, work parties, get-togethers with friends and family that "should" be fun. But...sometimes these gatherings turn into colossal upsets due to well-meaning or misguided family and friends. Of course, there does tend to be one total ass-hat who likes to take up space too. The early days of being diagnosed can be increasingly difficult with all of these events that we're expected to attend.
Over the years, I've heard from others living with alopecia that they don't feel supported, and that holiday meals are overtaken with conversation about their hair loss, re-growth, what they are choosing to wear on their heads, and the new treatment options that are available.
For those who are listening and are looking for ways to support us...here are a few do's and don't's.
Don't - Touch our head unless you've been given permission. Don't stroke our wig, ask us to be free and take our hat or scarf off, and definitely NEVER lick our heads in a drunken gesture of affection. Yes, that has happened to me. Not cool.
Do - Ask us how our life is outside of our hair loss. We are so much more than our hair. Smile at us, include us in conversation about food, sports, television shows, and the things that interest us. Don't be weird.
For those of us who are on the receiving end of comments from colleagues, and family members who just don't quite get it yet, establish some boundaries. Not everybody is out to get us, as we know, but sometimes it feels like that. Determine whether it's time to educate, give them the bird, or just walk away and take time to yourself in a safe place or with a safe person. My hope is that you have a safe person who has your back. If you know there's always that auntie who just can't keep her comments to herself, roleplay with your safe person to come up with a response that feels right. Education can be taken on by family or a trusted friend too, and sometimes that may look like them taking that challenging person aside and telling them that google exists for a reason, and go look it up to get educated, point them to some helpful resources, or just tell them to shut the hell up.
However you choose to spend your holidays, know that your boundaries can be set and expanded on. You are not alone. Take your safe person, have some quick answers, and enjoy the season. I'd love to hear your good and bad holiday stories of things that have been said or done. Let's connect over all of these things over on the FB Alopecia Life group page, on Instagram or through reaching out to me in person.
If you're looking for resources to point family to, I have a FREE Alopecia 101 course that maps it all out for them. I've put that link here in the show notes. https://www.alopecialife.com/alopecia-areata-online-course/
Alopecia Life provides free resources for school and home education, including a growing list of alopecia books, education videos on YouTube, links to support groups within the US, UK, Canada and more. You will also find access to Head-On, Stories of Alopecia, the Alopecia 101 free course, paid Alopecia Roadmap course for parents of children living with alopecia, and personalized coaching. Together, we can make a difference. To find out more, https://www.alopecialife.com/
Welcome to this episode of Alopecia Life. The time for gatherings is here. Holidays, work parties, get-togethers with friends and family that "should" be fun. But...sometimes these gatherings turn into colossal upsets due to well-meaning or misguided family and friends. Of course, there does tend to be one total ass-hat who likes to take up space too. The early days of being diagnosed can be increasingly difficult with all of these events that we're expected to attend.
Over the years, I've heard from others living with alopecia that they don't feel supported, and that holiday meals are overtaken with conversation about their hair loss, re-growth, what they are choosing to wear on their heads, and the new treatment options that are available.
For those who are listening and are looking for ways to support us...here are a few do's and don't's.
Don't - Touch our head unless you've been given permission. Don't stroke our wig, ask us to be free and take our hat or scarf off, and definitely NEVER lick our heads in a drunken gesture of affection. Yes, that has happened to me. Not cool.
Do - Ask us how our life is outside of our hair loss. We are so much more than our hair. Smile at us, include us in conversation about food, sports, television shows, and the things that interest us. Don't be weird.
For those of us who are on the receiving end of comments from colleagues, and family members who just don't quite get it yet, establish some boundaries. Not everybody is out to get us, as we know, but sometimes it feels like that. Determine whether it's time to educate, give them the bird, or just walk away and take time to yourself in a safe place or with a safe person. My hope is that you have a safe person who has your back. If you know there's always that auntie who just can't keep her comments to herself, roleplay with your safe person to come up with a response that feels right. Education can be taken on by family or a trusted friend too, and sometimes that may look like them taking that challenging person aside and telling them that google exists for a reason, and go look it up to get educated, point them to some helpful resources, or just tell them to shut the hell up.
However you choose to spend your holidays, know that your boundaries can be set and expanded on. You are not alone. Take your safe person, have some quick answers, and enjoy the season. I'd love to hear your good and bad holiday stories of things that have been said or done. Let's connect over all of these things over on the FB Alopecia Life group page, on Instagram or through reaching out to me in person.
If you're looking for resources to point family to, I have a FREE Alopecia 101 course that maps it all out for them. I've put that link here in the show notes. https://www.alopecialife.com/alopecia-areata-online-course/
Alopecia Life provides free resources for school and home education, including a growing list of alopecia books, education videos on YouTube, links to support groups within the US, UK, Canada and more. You will also find access to Head-On, Stories of Alopecia, the Alopecia 101 free course, paid Alopecia Roadmap course for parents of children living with alopecia, and personalized coaching. Together, we can make a difference. To find out more, https://www.alopecialife.com/
Previous Episode
S5E5 Seasons Of Change with Skye Waggoneer
Thank you for listening to today's podcast. Back in September of this year, I re-interviewed Skye from season 2 of Alopecia Life to get an update on how things had changed for Ohna from when she was 9 until now at 13 with regards to school. Back then, It was 2020, and we were talking about back-to-school at a very strange and uncertain time. Today's interview is with Skye only. Ohna has given us the go-ahead and trust to share about her experience through Skye's own perspective. As we move into the holiday season, I know having a back-to-school podcast is a little off-topic, but the wisdom she shares is always good information to file away for any season.
Please note, there are a couple F-bombs thrown into the interview.
Alopecia Life provides free resources for school and home education, including a growing list of alopecia books, education videos on YouTube, links to support groups within the US, UK, Canada and more. You will also find access to Head-On, Stories of Alopecia, the Alopecia 101 free course, paid Alopecia Roadmap course for parents of children living with alopecia, and personalized coaching. Together, we can make a difference. To find out more, https://www.alopecialife.com/
Next Episode
S5E7 How to Share Your Story & Have It Make An Impact with your College Essay, with Jill Shulman
Welcome to this episode of Alopecia Life. A few months ago, I was talking with Kylie, another CAP mentor, who expressed an interest in helping college-bound kids share their alopecia story in the essay portion of their college application. I thought it was a fantastic idea, and got to work looking for the perfect podcast guest to speak on this topic, and found Jill Shulman. Jill is the author of College Admissions Cracked: Saving Your Kid (and Yourself) From the Madness. She is an established College Admissions expert who offers an empowering, low-stress approach to succeeding in the admissions process. She has so much knowledge and experience around the topic, and I can't wait for you all to meet her and hear what she has to share.
*More About Jill: Jill is the founder of In Other Words, a college essay coaching service, and has evaluated thousands of applications in admissions offices at top colleges. She has taught writing at The New School and City University of New York; appeared in the news at Forbes, the La Times, CNN, and NEPR; written for the New York Times, Family circle, Parents, and O the Oprah Magazine. Jill has recently launched IntrepidApplicant.com to help decrease anxiety for students writing the college application personal essay.
Thank you so much for sharing your time with Jill and me today. To find out more about Intrepid Applicant, order her book, or take advantage of all the free resources she has on her website, check out the show notes for her website and ways to find her on social media. We also have a link here in the show notes for The Price You Pay For College by Ron Lieber with practical advice and outstanding reporting.
Website JillShulman.com
Book College Admissions Cracked: Saving Your Kid (and Yourself) From the Madness
Intrepid Applicant for writing a knockout college personal essay
https://www.facebook.com/jillmargaretshulman
Alopecia Life provides free resources for school and home education, including a growing list of alopecia books, education videos on YouTube, links to support groups within the US, UK, Canada and more. You will also find access to Head-On, Stories of Alopecia, the Alopecia 101 free course, paid Alopecia Roadmap course for parents of children living with alopecia, and personalized coaching. Together, we can make a difference. To find out more, https://www.alopecialife.com/
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