Adoption Unfiltered

“One of the most surprising things is the feedback I’ve gotten from people who find Adoptees On: ‘OMG, I literally thought I was the only who had these internal, tumultuous feelings.’ ” —Haley Radke, host and creator of the podcast Adoptees On.

Is there such a thing as an ethical adoption? What are the implications of upstream vs downstream efforts to prevent mother-child separation? What would true informed consent look like for placing parents and for adopting parents? Is adoption a permanent solution to a temporary situation?

And underneath it all, what is the role of deeply listening while tackling such big questions?

We do it—we go into hard places that include religion and politics. Tune in to hear our multiple perspectives.

What would it be like to live in a community that protects you from pain, grief, loss, and other difficult feelings? How would it be to have so much sameness among community members that envy was eradicated? What if individuals were prevented from making bad choices?

What would happen in a community that completely downplays genetic connections, a community in which everyone is an adoptee?

Newbery Medalist Lois Lowry envisioned such a community in her 1993 young adult novel The Giver, which is on many banned books lists, and was also adapted into a 2014 film starring Jeff Bridges and Meryl Streep. Over the years, many of us in the adoption community have read The Giver without a backdrop of adoption, but when we re-read it with adoption in mind, the story pops in a completely new way.

Watch here as adoptees, birth parents, and an adoptive parent discuss a dystopia in which emotions are suppressed, Birth Mother is a job assignment, and everyone lives in the fog—except for protagonist Jonas and title character, The Giver.

Special thanks to panelists Julian Washio-Collette and Muthoni Gaciku Kittredge for sharing their observations as an adoptee and birth parent, respectively.

Note: If you are interested in discussing The Giver in your own book club and would like access to our free discussion guide, please write to [email protected] with your request. The Giver book: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giver The Giver film: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giv...) One Child Nation film (mentioned): https://www.onechildnation.com/ Want more Sara? Visit https://saraeasterly.com/ Want more Kelsey? Visit https://www.instagram.com/fromanotham... Want more Lori? Visit https://LavenderLuz.com/ Adoption Unfiltered: https://www.adoptionunfiltered.com/

What will happen when the Supreme Court officially rules on Roe v Wade? Sara Easterly (adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth mom) and Lori Holden (adoptive mom) talk about the overlap between abortion and adoption. Not an easy conversation! Adoption and abortion are so often pitted against each other as opposite sides of coin when it comes to pregnancy decisions. But as Sara points out, there are similarities:

• Both have inherent in them aspects of classism and racism;
• Both tend to be shrouded in shame and secrecy;
• Both come with disenfranchised grief, the kind in which loss is not acknowledged by society.

Other places we go:

• “Would you rather have been aborted?”—asked of adoptees.
• “It’s God’s will.”
• The impacts, foreseen and unforeseen, of Safe Haven boxes.
• How prepared are communities in which an option is taken away? What is in place to help women parent well or place their baby for adoption well? (The answers are frightening.)

Adoption Unfiltered is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation, and we are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders.

To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: https://youtu.be/g0LjNTQrqNs

Adoption tropes make for blockbuster films and viral news stories, but, as we do here on Adoption Unfiltered, let's dive deeper. Why do such tropes exist and perpetuate? Why do we harbor cultural biases such as: adoptive parents being unquestioningly unselfish and amazing; birth parents being undeserving of raising their kids; adoptees being ungrateful if they speak up and share a fuller story about adoption. Novelist and book reviewer Alice Stephens joins us to talk about why common adoption tropes are problematic. Alice is also an editor, writing coach, and Korean adoptee. One recent example in the news has to do with the film The Blind Side, which told the story of Michael Oher and the Tuohy family. People drink up these simplistic stories ... and then draw conclusions about all adoptions, all adoptive families, all birth parents, and all adoptees. Who owns these adoption stories? Who should own these adoption stories? What do we all need to know to be better consumers and creators of these stories? We have thoughts on all that!

Adoption Unfiltered⁠ is presented by adoptee Sara Easterly, birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, and adoptive parent Lori Holden. Collectively, we bring 75 years of lived experience relating to adoption, and we span the Baby Boomer, Gen X, and Millennial generations. We understand the history, challenges, and trends experienced by people living in adoption and the broader adoption constellation. We are recognized throughout the adoption community as thought leaders, influencers, and bridge-builders. To watch this episode on Youtube, visit: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVEvMpPAloE

Adoption Unfiltered: ⁠https://www.adoptionunfiltered.com/⁠ Alice Stephens' book Famous Adopted People: ⁠https://www.famousadoptedpeople.com/⁠ Want more Sara? Visit ⁠https://saraeasterly.com/⁠ Want more Kelsey? Visit ⁠https://www.instagram.com/fromanotham...⁠. Want more Lori? Visit ⁠https://LavenderLuz.com⁠

“There’s so much out there about the people who are ‘successful’ at adopting, but there’s nothing about people who have walked away from the process.” — Jess Tennant, a woman who decided NOT to adopt, due, in part, to predatory adoption agency practices, in ep 31.

Jess, is an ally in unfiltering adoption. In 2017 after waiting to adopt for many years, Jess and her husband decided to halt their efforts. Some of the reasons are chilling, as you’ll hear in her story.

Jess is a beloved public school teacher in upstate NY, specializing in middle school special ed. She shares sentiments prospective adopters hear from adoption agencies that will make you squirm. She also shares observations about the culture of pronatalism and the ways it shows up pervasively for those wanting to adopt, and even more loudly for those who decide not to.

Engage Further

Resources:

• Jess is featured in Chapter 19 of Adoption Unfiltered
• Jess’s current blog: Finding a Different Path
• Jess’s infertility and adoption blog: My Path to Mommyhood
• Jess’s journey to openness
• Interview with Jess in Ep. 306 of Adoption: The Long View
• Sara’s Newsweek article (mentioned)
• Jess’s panel for World Childless Week: “Oops! I completely forgot I could just adopt! Thanks for reminding me.”
• Gateway Women’s Collective via Childless Collective
• Resources through World Childless Week
• The NotMom by Choice or by Chance

Sara Easterly:

• Sara’s Website
• Searching for Mom: A Memoir
• Adoptee-Voices.com
• @saraeasterlyauthor

Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard:

• Twisted Sisterhood Podcast
• Love, Your Birth Mom
• @fromanothamotha

Lori Holden:

• Lori’s Website
• The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption
• Adoption: The Long View Podcast
• @lavluz