What Happens When You're Done with Religion Altogether?
Explicit content warning
03/14/25 • 79 min
What happens when the foundation of your identity crumbles beneath you? When the lens through which you understood the world no longer works? Psychologist Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren joins us to explore this profound transition that one-fifth of Americans have experienced—leaving religion behind.
Drawing from eight years of groundbreaking research across multiple countries, Van Tongeren walks us through what he calls "the great disillusionment," which he documents in his book Done: How to Flourish After Leaving Religion. We discover that most people who check "none" on religious surveys were previously religious believers—what he calls the "dones." Their past faith doesn't simply disappear but leaves "religious residue" that continues influencing their thoughts, behaviors, fears, and values long after they've walked away.
This conversation ventures beyond theory into practical wisdom for navigating life's deepest questions. Van Tongeren shares his personal journey through faith crisis after his brother's tragic death and how it shaped his research. We explore why rigid faith systems often collapse under scrutiny while flexible faith proves more resilient, how former fundamentalists frequently jump into new ideological extremes, and why developing "existential distress tolerance" might be the most crucial skill for our anxious age.
Whether you're questioning faith, have left religion behind, or simply want to understand this massive cultural shift, this episode offers profound insights into finding meaning and purpose at the intersection of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality. Van Tongeren challenges us to courageously engage life's existential realities rather than avoiding them—suggesting this honest confrontation might be the only path to flourishing.
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What happens when the foundation of your identity crumbles beneath you? When the lens through which you understood the world no longer works? Psychologist Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren joins us to explore this profound transition that one-fifth of Americans have experienced—leaving religion behind.
Drawing from eight years of groundbreaking research across multiple countries, Van Tongeren walks us through what he calls "the great disillusionment," which he documents in his book Done: How to Flourish After Leaving Religion. We discover that most people who check "none" on religious surveys were previously religious believers—what he calls the "dones." Their past faith doesn't simply disappear but leaves "religious residue" that continues influencing their thoughts, behaviors, fears, and values long after they've walked away.
This conversation ventures beyond theory into practical wisdom for navigating life's deepest questions. Van Tongeren shares his personal journey through faith crisis after his brother's tragic death and how it shaped his research. We explore why rigid faith systems often collapse under scrutiny while flexible faith proves more resilient, how former fundamentalists frequently jump into new ideological extremes, and why developing "existential distress tolerance" might be the most crucial skill for our anxious age.
Whether you're questioning faith, have left religion behind, or simply want to understand this massive cultural shift, this episode offers profound insights into finding meaning and purpose at the intersection of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality. Van Tongeren challenges us to courageously engage life's existential realities rather than avoiding them—suggesting this honest confrontation might be the only path to flourishing.
=====
Want to support us?
The best way is to subscribe to our Patreon. Annual memberships are available for a 10% discount.
If you'd rather make a one-time donation, you can contribute through our PayPal.
Other important info:
- Rate & review us on Apple & Spotify
- Follow us on social media at @PPWBPodcast
- Watch & comment on YouTube
- Email us at [email protected]
Cheers!
Previous Episode
Unpacking Open and Relational Theology: Interview with Tom Oord
Tom Oord is back! This time, we're discussing his "main thing": open and relational theology. We explore what it means and its significance in reshaping our understanding of God, love, prayer, and more. Tom answers our questions graciously, and we try to convince Randy that he's wrong.
How is open and relational theology different from classical theism? What does it imply about prayer or freedom or evil and suffering? What does love have to do with it? Is it all just a bit too easy?
As always, Tom is a great sport and a hoot to talk to. We hope you find this conversation valuable.
=====
Want to support us?
The best way is to subscribe to our Patreon. Annual memberships are available for a 10% discount.
If you'd rather make a one-time donation, you can contribute through our PayPal.
Other important info:
- Rate & review us on Apple & Spotify
- Follow us on social media at @PPWBPodcast
- Watch & comment on YouTube
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Cheers!
Next Episode
Re-Release - Outrage Porn, Echo Chambers, and the Seduction of Clarity: Interview with C. Thi Nguyen
This is a re-release of an episode from our second season when we spoke with philosopher C Thi Nguyen. We think it bears re-listening in our current moment.
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What happens when we seek simple answers in a complex world? Philosopher C Thi Nguyen takes us into the machinery of belief, understanding, and value formation, exploring how we navigate information landscapes designed to manipulate us.
Thi introduces the concept of "moral outrage porn"—representations that give us the satisfaction of moral righteousness without requiring meaningful action. We discuss conspiracy theories and his notion of "the seduction of clarity"—the powerful feeling we get from explanations that seem to make everything simple. This feeling is particularly dangerous because we're limited beings who need mental shortcuts to navigate the world.
We also tackle echo chambers and why perfectly rational people can end up in them. Thi distinguishes echo chambers (where we systematically distrust outside sources) from filter bubbles (where we simply aren't exposed to contrary views), explaining that people inside echo chambers often follow logical procedures based on who they've decided to trust. This challenges the dismissive assumption that those with radically different beliefs are simply stupid or lazy.
Weaving through discussions of game design, social media metrics, and institutional incentives, Thi reveals how our values are increasingly captured by simplified scoring systems that reshape our priorities according to what can be easily measured. The result? We outsource our complex human values to technologies and institutions that weren't designed to handle them.
Uncomfortable yet?
Content note: this episode contains profanity.
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Want to support us?
The best way is to subscribe to our Patreon. Annual memberships are available for a 10% discount.
If you'd rather make a one-time donation, you can contribute through our PayPal.
Other important info:
- Rate & review us on Apple & Spotify
- Follow us on social media at @PPWBPodcast
- Watch & comment on YouTube
- Email us at [email protected]
Cheers!
A Pastor and a Philosopher Walk into a Bar - What Happens When You're Done with Religion Altogether?
Transcript
I'm Randy , the pastor , half of the podcast , and my friend Kyle's a philosopher . This podcast hosts conversations at the intersection of philosophy , theology and spirituality .
KyleWe also invite experts to join us , making public a space that we've often enjoyed off-air , around the proverbial table with a good drink in the back corner of a dark
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