The Gift of the Zombi by Julie Hoverson (with a wink and a nod to O. Henry) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week

Ben and Mia, young zombies in love, search for the perfect xmas present in a world of the walking dead.

Cast List

Mia - Brenda Dau Ben - Derek M. Koch of Mail Order Zombie Geek - Glen Hallstrom Tick - Frankenvox Chuck - Bob Noble Andy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Doris - Julie Hoverson Sheri - Crystal Thomson Ted - J. Spyder Isaacson Voicebox - Beverly Poole Fred & Bob - Big Anklevich & Rish Outfield of Dunesteef Audio Magazine Ben's Double - Danar Hoverson Mia's Double - Julie Hoverson

Other zombies: Al Aseoche, Jacquie Duckworth, Reynaud LeBoeuf, Jack Hosley, Sidney Williams, Glen Hallstrom, Bob Noble, Brian Weingartner, Ferguson and family, Robyn Keyes, Kim Poole, Michael Hudson.

Music by Jason Shaw (Audionautix.com) Show theme: Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock

"What kind of a place is it? Why it's an apartment on the wrong side of town, can't you tell?"

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GIFT OF THE ZOMBI

Cast:

[Opening credits - Olivia]

Mia, zombie (20s) dating Ben

Ben, zombie (20s) dating Mia

Ted, zombie (30s), Mia's horny neighbor

Andy, henpecked zombie (40s)

Doris, Andy's wife (40s)

Geek, a broker (30s)

Sheri, a lovelorn friend (20s)

Tick, an unscrupulous intact (human, 30s)

Fred, a zombie (any)

Bob, another zombie (any)

Chuck, overseer zombie (any)

Voicebox - mechanical translator

ALL ZOMBIES (unless noted as exceptions, below) have dual vocal tracks - the "zombie-voice" track, which is unintelligible, but vaguely mirrors the normal voice and events, and the "mind voice" (sounds like a voiceover), which is how they sound to each other.

/n = normal"mind voice"

/z = "zombie voice"

There are places where we only hear the zoombie voice.

Exceptions:

DORIS has no "mind voice", just incoherent shrieks

GEEK only has a zombie voice, but he is clearly understandable, if still zombie-like

TICK is human, and has no zombie-voice.

NOTE: The zombie apocalypse has come and been dealt with more or less. Zombies might still attack humans, if they see them, but humans tend to live in the walled cities and have become somewhat mythological to the zombies outside.

Zombies still are self-aware, but they think and speak so very slowly that they are difficult for humans to understand. Conversely, to a zombie, humans seem to speak incredibly fast - almost incomprehensibly so. That's why humans developed the voicebox to take what they say and slow it down enough for a zombie to understand.

OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a crumbling apartment building, can't you tell?

MUSIC

SCENE 1. MIA'S APARTMENT

SOUND WIND-UP ALARM GOES OFF

SOUND FLIES IN THE B/G THROUGHOUT

MIA/Z [distant moan of awakening, which continues, sporadically, punctuating the narrative]

MIA/n I hate Mondays.

SOUND ALARM SLAPPED OFF TABLE, STOPS RINGING

SOUND STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS

MUSIC VAGUE WARPED CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYS SOMEWHERE

MIA/n It doesn’t help that it's two days til Christmas and I haven’t got Ben his present.

MIA/z [roar of anger]

SOUND SOMETHING CRASHES TO FLOOR, GLASS BREAKS.

MIA/N The holidays just bring out the worst in me.

SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE

MIA/N [sigh] Checking my stitches in the mirror - nice to see nothing weird happened in the night. I love the hot pink against my pale skin. [beat] I know I'm swimming against the tide, but I still like to look nice, even when no one else gives a hang. They're welcome to run around unwashed, in raggedy-ass clothes, just leaves more Prada for me.

SOUND SPRAY CAN PSSHT, FLIES STOP, TINY DROPPING NOISES

MIA/n A little spray - no water, that's just asking for mold - and I'm ready to face the day.

SOUND [under the next] SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS OUT OF BATHROOM AGAIN, STRUGGLES FEET INTO SHOES, NOW SHAMBLING FEET ARE IN HEELS.

MIA/n Ben's gift is the big problem. I know what I want to get him, but it won't come cheap. There just aren't that many floating around out there.

MUSIC

SCENE 2. OUTSIDE

SOUND NO TRAFFIC. JUST BIRDS, SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS, OR OCCASIONAL BREAKING THINGS.

SOUND STRUGGLE WITH OBJECTS, THINGS FALL AWAY

BEN/z [moans, fighting his way to his feet]

BEN/n [hungover sounding] Wow, what did I do last night?

BEN/z [shake head noise]

BEN/n Oh, crap - Mia'll be expecting me--