What She Did Was Cruel

Eleven and a half months after the divorce, Mark finds himself repeatedly rattled by unexpected close encounters with his ex' affair partner, and he is processing the anger and hurt that he feels toward his ex and her partner. We discuss ways for Mark to set clear boundaries with his ex in order to make sure these encounters don't take him by surprise. We also talk about ways to handle those times when his ex ignores his requests, including how to communicate about those times with his ex, and how to manage his own internal reactions.
Topics include:
• Being triggered by meeting the ex's (affair) partner
• Organizing and hosting birthday parties for the kids with the the ex
• Feeling excluded from shared events because of wanting to avoid the ex's presence
• The advantages and disadvantages of disclosing discomfort to the ex with her behavior
• The persistent hope that the ex will wake up to recognize her hurtful behaviors
• Reducing impact of negative triggers through (1) reducing contact, (2) Reducing reactivity, and (3) speeding recovery
• Considerations for and against informing the ex's family about the ex's hurtful behavior
• The danger of hoping the ex will start behaving differently, and the benefit of letting go of this hope
• Remembering the parts of the co-parenting relationships that are working, even when some parts are not working in very irritating ways

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