Intentional Therapist: Putting You In Your Schedule - E6: It’s not you, it’s your wiring: 4 ways our evolutionary wiring makes self-care challenging (but not impossible!)

E6: It’s not you, it’s your wiring: 4 ways our evolutionary wiring makes self-care challenging (but not impossible!)

02/03/25 • 13 min

Intentional Therapist: Putting You In Your Schedule

We’re about to explore something that may surprise you—your brain’s survival instincts are still influencing how you approach self-care, and they might be working against you. Have you ever wondered why saying "no" feels impossible or why you can't seem to prioritize yourself no matter how hard you try? What if the answer lies in how our brains are wired for survival, and how that wiring affects everything from guilt to stress?

In this episode, we’re going to unpack how your evolutionary wiring could be sabotaging your best self-care efforts. But here’s the good news—once you understand this, you’ll have the power to work with your brain, not against it. We’re sharing insights on why it’s so hard to break the cycle, along with practical strategies you can start using today to make more room for yourself. So, stick around—by the end of this episode, you’ll have a whole new perspective on your survival and your self-care.

Episode Highlights:

4 ways evolutionary wiring impacts self-care:
- Conservation of energy
- Acceptance of the tribe and the role of guilt
- Scarcity of resources
- Living for today
Self-Care Experiments:
- Recognize your signs of ‘survival mode’
- Respond kindly to guilt
- Create a ‘Not to do’ list

Resources Mentioned:

Healthy Habits Suck: How to Get Off the Couch and Live a Healthy Life...Even if You Don't Want To by Dr. Dayna Lee-Baggley
Work, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection by Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Our past podcast interview with Dr. Dayna Lee-Baggley
Our past podcast interview with Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Visit our website to get your own copy of our FREE 4 C's Self-Care Assessment: https://www.intentionaltherapist.ca

Connect with Melissa & Karen at Intentional Therapist:
[email protected]
https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmelissatiessen/
Share one of your own self-care experiments via our SpeakPipe page at: https://www.speakpipe.com/intentionaltherapist
Disclaimer: This podcast seeks to be educational in purpose and is not to be used as clinical advice. Please connect with a therapist one-on-one for personalized support.

Episode Highlights:

4 ways evolutionary wiring impacts self-care:
- Conservation of energy
- Acceptance of the tribe and the role of guilt
- Scarcity of resources
- Living for today
Self-Care Experiments:
- Recognize your signs of ‘survival mode’
- Respond kindly to guilt
- Create a ‘Not to do’ list

Resources Mentioned:

Healthy Habits Suck: How to Get Off the Couch and Live a Healthy Life...Even if You Don't Want To by Dr. Dayna Lee-Baggley
Work, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection by Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Our past podcast interview with Dr. Dayna Lee-Baggley
Our past podcast interview with Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Visit our website to get your own copy of our FREE 4 C's Self-Care Assessment: https://www.intentionaltherapist.ca

Previous Episode

E5: You are a human being, not a human giver: 3 ways the self-care game is rigged for women and how you can fight back

Ever feel like you’re always giving—whether it’s to your clients, your family, or even strangers on the street—and somehow your own needs get pushed aside? You're not alone. In fact, this might be part of a much bigger issue that’s rigged against women when it comes to self-care. If you're a female therapist, juggling the demands of your clients, family, and personal well-being, this episode is going to shine a light on why that balance feels so elusive—and what you can do to break the cycle.

Today, we're talking about the hidden forces that keep women stuck in the 'human giver' role and leave little room for genuine self-care. We’ll dive into the cultural expectations and productivity systems that make it harder for women to prioritize themselves. But here's the good news: You can change the game. Join us as we explore how to reclaim your time, passions, and well-being—without guilt, shame, or burnout. Ready to shift the paradigm? Let’s dive in.

Episode Highlights:

3 ways the self-care game is rigged for women:
- Seeing ourselves as ‘human givers’
- Pressure to fit into male-dominated productivity systems
- Not feeling permission to have passions
Self-Care Experiments:
- Let yourself be a human being, not a human giver
- Gather up the ‘time confetti’
- Focus on integration over ‘greatness’
- Give yourself permission to have passions

Resources Mentioned:

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World and Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) Not Enough Time, both by Eve Rodsky
Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time by Brigid Schulte
The Plan: Manage Your Time Like a Lazy Genius by Kendra Adachi
This is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch: The Joy of Loving Something - Anything - Like Your Life Depends On It by Tabitha Carvan
Our past podcast interview with Tabatha Carvan
Visit our website to get your own copy of our FREE 4 C's Self-Care Assessment: https://www.intentionaltherapist.ca

Next Episode

E7: Let's embrace our differences instead of apologizing for them: 3 ways individual differences factor into personalized self-care

Do you ever find yourself wondering why self-care seems to come so easily for some of your colleagues or why you and your colleagues struggle in different ways with self-care? Or maybe you’ve been disappointed with the “one-size fits” all self-care messages you’ve been fed. If so, you’re not alone.

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the topic of individual differences. As female mental health clinicians, we share a lot in common, but we’re also each unique, and that uniqueness can play a huge role in how we approach self-care. We hope you will tune in as we explore how unique aspects of ourselves can impact the way we experience work, self-worth, and even the imposter syndrome. And what we can do to use this information to tackle self-care in a truly personal way.

Episode Highlights:

3 Individual differences we need to consider:
- Neurodiversity
- Image of a “successful therapist”
- Personal history and life circumstances
Self-care experiments
- Review your workday
- Talk about individual differences with trusted colleagues
- Find colleagues who share similar life circumstances
- Celebrate the everyday “wins” at work

Resources Mentioned:

Our past podcast interview with April Snow
Our past podcast interview with Dr. Kelly Yanek & Dr. Michele Kinderman
Our past podcast interview with Silvana Espinoza Lau
Visit our website to get your own copy of our FREE 4 C's Self-Care Assessment: https://www.intentionaltherapist.ca