The Tao Te Ching for Everyday Living

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Tao Te Ching Verse 68
translated by Lin Yutang
The brave soldier is not violent;
The good fighter does not lose his temper;
The great conqueror does not fight (on small issues);
The good users of people place themselves below others.
- This is the virtue of not-contending,
Is called the capacity to use people,
Is reaching to the height of being
Mated to Heaven, to what was of old.
Photo by Mario Klassen on Unsplash
Practicing Non-Contention

1. What do I secretly wish was better about life? In my worldly life, I secretly wish I had an awesome car.
2. Next, just sitting with this, I can ask, what does this have anything to do with my social status? Do I think that if this thing was better, it would mean that I would be satisfied?
3. And now the next question: why? This one is where I need to be super honest with me and consider how much of this thing I wish was better has to do with my social status or who I think I’ll be as an individual. If I had a dope ride, for example, I could roll around looking awesome and I’d have this feeling of ‘got my stuff together’ ness. Sure, a nice machine is a nice machine, and great speakers, that awesome new car smell, the sleekness with which I slide in and out of the cockpit - those are all things that are pleasurable and are a joy to experience. Apart from that, though - are they the things that are worth the money or effort that I would spend getting that experience? Or is there more to it than that? With that money, don’t I also get bragging rights, a quiet sense of satisfaction that I can afford such a cool thing?
4. So the next question I can ask is, if I had this thing that I secretly wished was better, how would I use it to compete with others for emotional security or social status? If I had a great car, I could allow myself to feel a little superior to the other cars on the road. If I had a spouse that listened every time I said something, I would have important things to say. If I had a boss that told everyone how much she depends on me, I would be the best worker. If I was the cool kid in my group of friends, I could walk around and be myself without having to doubt. And if I was spiritually achieved, I could just plug into the Tao at will and make cool stuff happen.

I guess the good news is that there isn’t a shortage of ways we can practice non-contention. For me, I can start with the big things and ask why I secretly wish something was different. I can identify what I’m trying to get out of that secret wish, and I usually find that it’s because I want to feel more secure about - anything - in relation to other people. There must be people there to acknowledge I have a sick ride. There must be people there to listen to me. There must be people there to say I’m the best worker or the coolest friend. And there must be an unrealistic standard against which I am measuring myself in spiritual matters or personal achievements.

When I identify this aspect of competition within myself, I can consider how allowing the Tao to control that aspect would look. If I took my competitive attitude and set it aside for a moment, I can observe how according to Tao it could be irrelevant or how I could focus on another, more positive aspect. I could practice non-contention, and see how, when choosing this way forward, things turn out better than I could have imagined or planned.

Tao Te Ching Verse 56

translated by Chang Chung-Yuan

One who is aware does not talk.
One who talks is not aware.
Ceasing verbal expressions,
Stopping the entry of sensations,
Dulling its sharpness,
Releasing its entanglements,
Tempering its brightness,
And unifying with the earth:
This is called the identity of Tao.
Hence, no nearness can reach her nor distance affect her.
No gain can touch her nor loss disturb her.
No esteem can move her nor shame distress her.
Thus, she is the most valuable person in the world.

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Being careful to not Kiss and Tell

I feel like after all we’ve been considering for the past 5 episodes, Lao Tzu provides us with a final thought.  And it seems to be this:  Don’t kiss and tell with the universe.

I don't know about you, but I have experienced some true, correct, and wonderful things and feelings along my journey with the Tao.  There have been times when I just want to tell everybody about how cool it all is.  Perhaps I’ve had an experience when I felt intimately connected with my environment.  Perhaps I’ve experienced using the creative power of the Tao.  Perhaps I’ve grown a little and have had paradigm shifting insights.  Um, yeah I want to tell people about it.  My world just changed - how can I not talk about it?

But I started noticing something when I would tell people about my adventures.  And it wasn’t because I became super aware of it on my own, either.  It was this verse and other sources - that hinted to me that I shouldn’t be going around and blabbing about my growth.  But why?  I asked.  Isn’t this joyful?  Isn’t this something I should be sharing?  You can, said the Tao, you can share all you want.  But guess what happens when you do?  You take the power out of what you have received and you will feel that that joy you have dissipates more quickly.

So yes, I have learned that when I have paradigm-shifting experiences because of my efforts to move into Harmony, if I want to hold on to those lessons and make them a part of me, I must stay quiet about them.  That’s just my experience - yours may look different.  All I know is now, despite the temptation I have to talk about it, I am better off if I hold it inside and accept whatever has occurred as a precious, personal gift. 

Now, does that mean I withhold information or my experience with people when they ask?  I don’t think so - of course, we are here to help each other.  But I must be careful about oversharing - and not just because I’ll diminish the beauty of my gift, either.  I can also be practicing compassion simultaneously when I am judicious about what I share and don’t.  Have you noticed that sometimes someone may not be ready to hear what you have to say?  I have, for sure.  I haven’t been ready to hear things from others, also!  

The Tao, it seems, prompts us to act and to talk when its time in the manner and depth it specifies.  So I don’t need to go out of my way to not share - this stuff isn’t secret, nor is it meant to be.  It is given freely to those who are ready and willing to receive it.  So I may allow my experiences to come up in conversation, and if I’m asked, I can share about the bigger picture.  When I share out of willingness to give freely and not because I want people to know, I retain my gift and pass it on to others in the way that they need in that moment.

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Guided Meditation at the end
Tao Te Ching Verse 35

translation by Xiaolin Yang
If you have the DAO, everything will come to you.
They come to you because they will not be hurt anymore, and they will become secure and peaceful.
Pleasant music and tasteful food will make even the passerby stop.
When being talked about, the DAO is tasteless.
When you look at it, you will not see it; when you listen to it, you will not hear it;
However, when you use it, it will never run out.
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The Tao and Synchronicity
I’d like to introduce the concept of Synchronicity, first introduced by analytical psychologist Carl Jung, which holds that events are "meaningful coincidences" if they occur with no causal relationship yet seem to be meaningfully related.

Sometimes I’ll refer to it as serendipity - you know, times when things just work out. Like I’ll be thinking about so and so calling and an hour later they call or I see them randomly. Or I’m thinking about how it would be cool to be of service to someone and later that day, an opportunity pops up. Or when I’m wondering about something and all of a sudden I see the answer, either in a sign on the road or someone says something that is directly related to what I was wondering about.

These are really awesome moments for me, if only because they show me that I am not alone, that somehow, the Tao responds to my requests.

For me, I began to notice synchronicity in the beginning part of my journey. Just little moments of which I became aware. At first, I thought they were mere coincidences but still pretty cool. Then, as I got more comfortable with the idea that perhaps something larger was at play, I started noticing that these moments were occurring more and more often. I thought they were pretty cool, so I kept on paying attention. One day, I realized that this kind of stuff is actually happening all the time; the question becomes whether or not I am paying attention.

After getting better at observing, for about a year, I started wondering if I could make requests of the Tao and observe their realizations later. I found that indeed, I could! I have been careful not to make requests for money or specific situations to arise; rather, I sense what I need from the Tao in the moment, ask for it, say thank you, and forget about it. Most of the time, I ask the Tao to help me remember to seek Harmony with it. I’ll ask to see a situation differently. I’ll ask for a service opportunity.

This is how I receive the gifts of the Tao: Stillness, Intuition, Creativity, Healing, and Oneness. I simply ask, thank, observe, and receive, knowing that I am not the provider, that the Tao is.

So if you’re down with this, I would encourage you to begin an awareness practice. Daily meditation in addition to your awareness practice will help immensely.

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Tao Te Ching Verse 30
translated by Cheng Lin
Those who use Truth in assisting the ruler do not resort to war for the conquest of an Empire.
War is a most calamitous evil.
Wherever armies are quartered, briars and thorns become rampant.
Famines inevitably follow in the wake of great wars.
The good rulers are satisfied when an attack is stopped, and they do not venture to pursue conquest for supremacy.
Victories do not make them vainglorious, aggressive, arrogant, or anxious to pursue conquest for supremacy.
It is contrary to Truth for the strong to do harm to the weak.
Those who act contrary to Truth are sure to perish early.
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Force begets force

We can see evidence anywhere and anytime we look that supports what Lao Tzu says in the first part of this verse: that where force is used, it brings scarcity later. Force causes more force, and it only stops when there is no more energy left to support it.

I think that on a modern, international and even domestic level, we can all observe this. So the first two lines of the verse resonate: they say that any person who wants to support their leadership does the best job when they strive to support by showing them options that are in harmony with the Tao.

Given our social systems, our social norms, given the economic strata that separate those with incredible influence from those without, how do we, as humble students of the Tao, propose to help our leaders lead not with force but with the Tao?

Gandhi told us to be the change we would want to see in the world. Initially, looking at the disparity between what I sense is the current state of things and what I desire is discouraging. How do I effect great change - like changing an entire world order?

This may be not so impossible, I think.

The world has seen many luminaries change things for the better. And what’s interesting is these folks have made long lasting changes on humanity as opposed to the empires to which they belonged. To name a few, I’m talking about Lao Tzu, Chuang-tse, The Buddha, Abraham, Jesus, and Mohammed (Peace be Upon Him). We have modern day luminaries that gift us with a remembrance of the truth about us: Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Ram Das, Deepak Choprah, Paramahansa Yogananda, and Eckhardt Tolle. These are just a small representative handful of people who are encouraging lasting, more powerful changes to humanity.

So a quick question: Are they heads of governments? How does their influence compare to the influence of empire of government? Because it is seemingly benign, these people and their work have largely been left intact, and it continues to shape who we are as humans as we live on Earth, generation after generation.

And the wonderful part of our examples is - all of them needed only a connection to human spirituality and a means to express their experiences to get started in changing things.

It is in the way we live our lives that we create ripple effects across our human family that, while in the moment seem insignificant, affect many more people than we think. So if we pause for a moment and consider that force begets force, can we also take its opposite and consider that compassion begets compassion? Love begets love? Humility begets humility? If we are the change we want to see in the world, doesn’t that eventually affect people in a way that reflects back at us?

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Tao Te Ching Verse 52

translated by Anonymous
The world sprouts from something
People could call it the mother of the world
When one knows that mother, one knows her child
One who becomes like that child again, will know the mother
And for the rest of his life nothing can harm him ever again
He won't criticize anyone and lets no one influence him
And his life will be without worries
But one who condemns others and whose interests concern only himself
Will be full of worries the rest of his life
One that sees a gleam of light in darkness sees the light at the end of the tunnel
Holding on to that gleam of light requires strength
One who follows that light, turns back to the original light
Then all danger is gone
And you'll live the eternal life
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Using the Light to Integrate

Lao Tzu says to use the brightness of the way to return to the light. This unlocked a piece of the Integral puzzle for me today. In the Yin Yang symbol, there is the Yang, or the bright side, and the Yin, which is the dark side. Until now, we have been talking about the Yang as being physical energy, material things, and the Yin as being that dark, unmanifested side of the Tao.

Recently, a Taoist master has come into my life, even though he doesn’t know it - I got my hands on some literature that explains the Yin Yang as it applies to humans and our lives. A simple way to put what I’ve learned is that the Yang represents the light that Lau Tzu is talking about and the Yin represents our desires to fulfill our corporeal senses. So if we were to simplify that a bit more, it would be that Yang is my willingness to move into Harmony with the Tao and Yin would be the selfish desires for emotional & financial security, prestige, and intimacy on my terms.

So now it makes sense - using the light of the Tao, or constantly working to move into Harmony with the Tao, sort of as a beacon for when I get lost in my selfish ego’s desires, I can remember what to do when I recognize I’m all up in my ego and move forward into Harmony again. So of course, this is a part of the human experience, isn’t it? We’re here, participating, always going back and forth between Harmony with the Tao and questing to satisfy our base natures. We have the ideal, which is Harmony with the Tao, but we fall short of it often - at least I do, ya’ll.

As I continue to refine my practice, partly by getting quiet and seeing the small disturbances in my Yin, and then partly by remembering to return to Harmony, I keep this process going. Like filtering dirty water through charcoal, over and over. The more I do this, the clearer the water gets.

So for now, that seems to be the mechanism of integration that we talked about earlier and as described by Lao Tzu. For me, the takeaway for this verse seems to be this:

• Everything I do causes ripples
• There’s no way to immediately know my center; I must practice and practice to become aware of it.
• By trying my best to move into Harmony with the Tao, I am integrating my being and thus continue to purify my life’s energy.

And the point of all this? Less suffering and more natural joy in my life, for starters. I suspect that there are more esoteric benefits but I’m content to stay with this for now.