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The Startup Chat with Steli and Hiten - 510: How to Get Good at Taking Critical Feedback

510: How to Get Good at Taking Critical Feedback

The Startup Chat with Steli and Hiten

In today’s episode of The Startup Chat, Steli and Hiten talk about how to get good at taking critical feedback.

Sometimes we need other people’s feedback or opinion on something that we are working on, this is perfectly normal and can help you improve what you’re working on. However, some people are not good at taking other people’s feedback and this can lead to negative reactions from that person or worse.

In this week’s episode, Steli and Hiten talk about why you shouldn’t take anything personally when it comes to feedback, how to get better at taking feedback, how to give feedback to someone so that they don’t take it personally and much more.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

00:00 About today’s topic.

00:33 Why this topic was chosen.

01:04 Something Steli is very sensitive about.

02:01 An example of someone who doesn’t take feedback well.

03:23 Why you shouldn’t take anything personally when it comes to feedback.

04:05 What makes people good at taking feedback.

05:06 How to get better at taking feedback.

05:21 How to give feedback to someone so that they don’t take it personally.

06:04 What to think about when you give feedback.

08:07 Why it might be better to ask for someone’s opinion instead of feedback.

3 Key Points:

  • I’m very sensitive to people that ask for feedback but can’t take it.
  • When it comes to feedback, don’t take anything personally.
  • Start learning how to ask for feedback.

[0:00:00]

Steli: Hey everybody, this is Steli Efti.

[0:00:04]

Hiten: And this is Hiten [Shah 00:00:04].

[0:00:05]

Steli: And today on the Startup Chat, we’re going to talk about how to learn to take critical feedback well. And to learn from critical or even sometimes negative feedback. Here’s why I wanted to talk about this Hiten, where do I start? I think one of the things that I have very little patience for, I’ve gotten better at this in life, but I’m not great at it, is people that have a difficult time. That are asking for feedback but can’t take it. It’s something I’m very sensitive to. I instantly, very quickly I shut down on this. So one second... The thing that I have a difficult time with is people asking for critical feedback. But then when I’m telling them very direct feedback, they don’t want to hear it. They get defensive or they explain or excuse or push back or try to convince me and I’ve gotten a little better. But in general, I’m running out of patience very quickly with that and I instantly disengage. I am very judgmental of this, because in my mind I think you asked me for feedback. I didn’t ask you to convince me that your idea is brilliant. And when I told you what I think of your idea, instead of being curious and asking for more of my thinking, and then you can decide what the fuck you want to do with it. Instead of doing that, you’re now spending all this time trying to convince me of something I don’t want to be convinced and I didn’t even ask for. So I get really annoyed and irritated. And I just recently had a case where a good friend of mine, over long periods of time, multiple times had told me, “Dude, I know you don’t want to give... I know that most people can’t take critical feedback, but I really want you to always be brutally honest. You have to be really direct with me.” And then couple of times after he told me that he wants me to be more honest, more direct with him. Anytime I was direct with him, he spent all this time defending his position and I was really annoyed, until I recently brought it up. So that made me think that, the truth is most people I know are not good at taking critical feedback. I know you’re really excellent at this. I think I’m pretty okay at this. I mean nobody’s perfect, but I think I’m pretty good at this. And when people give me critical feedback, you’ll never hear me argue or excuse or explain. I usually shut the fuck up and I just ask for more. And then I’ll go and I’ll ponder it and I’ll figure out what to do with that feedback. But I wonder why are some people good at this and some people don’t. What do you have to learn to be good at taking feedback? And maybe you have a completely different point of view, which often you do. And you give a lot of people critical feedback as well. Or people ask you for your honest feedback on things. How do you think about this? Asking for critical feedback and honest feedback and then how you deal with it. How do you respond to it in the best possible way? What’s your thinking about that?

[0:03:15]

Hiten: So, I think when it comes to feedback, if you’re the giver, I think the framework I use, it’s basically the idea that is outside of just feedback. But I think a ver...

05/12/20 • -1 min

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