Rad Dad Secrets Podcast

Speaker 1: This is Rad Dad Secrets, episode 11 my nine year old said, what!?
Speaker 2: So the big question is this. How do regular dads like us who weren't given a playbook on parenting, who only have 24 hours in a day to make it all happen How do we provide for our families in a way that will allow us to raise happy, successful children and have a thriving marriage while still being a man and doing the things we love That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. This is Rad dad secrets. Welcome back everyone. This is Jefferson and Eric. This is rad dead secrets. And I wanted to start off this podcast by telling a little story. So a couple blood days ago,
Speaker 1: my wife and I, we were sitting down with our kids and we were kind of going over it, a little discussion on how to right the wrong and how to make things right after you've done something wrong. So we, you know, we went through the discussion and I, we figured that it was all over and we go to stand up and, and everyone goes and they start doing their homework or start, you know, taking a bath and stuff like that. And I got up to do the dishes and I was sitting there doing the dishes and my nine year old came up to me and said, dad, I have something to tell you. And I said, okay, what do you need to tell me sweetie And she was, she was kind of quiet about it because she didn't want anyone else to hear. During our discussion, we kind of, my wife and I kind of said almost, have you, have you seen that episode of the office where Michael Michael Scott, the manager of the office
Speaker 1: Yeah, the branch manager. He gets up and he says, Hey, this is the time right now to, you've got immunity. If you've done something wrong in the office, let me know. You know, and there's, there's this, this lady, this Meredith gets up and she just says something horrible like, and everyone's like, uh, she needs to be punished. And Mike was like, no, she's got immunity. I said that. So I kind of felt like that because my wife and I, we said, look, if you guys, if you, if you've ever done anything wrong, come up to us and tell us and let's write this wrong and let's move on for him. Let's grow from this. And so she came up to me, she's like, I need to tell you something. Um, I've been using bad language at school. Ooh. And I'm like, what do you mean you've been using bad language at school, Sweetie, you're nine years old.
Speaker 1: So we go from the kitchen and I, and I take it back to the room creating this podcast and in doing research on, on dads and, and how can I become a better dad My blood was boiling, but at the same time I was like, okay, I've got to, I've got to stay composed. I need to approach this in the, in the correct way. Right. One of our, one of our mottos is discipline with love, not with anger. And so going to the go into the bedroom, she, she basically explains to me that she's been using some, some bad language of school. I'm not going to get into the language. I said, okay sweetie, why, why would you use those words And she's like, I don't know. And I, you know, I'm trying to get these answers out of us, like our other kids using these words.
Speaker 1: And she's like, yes. And I said, okay. So I basically diffuse the situation and I did it lovingly. I, as much as I just wanted to just lay into her, I didn't, I said, okay, let's write this wrong. Can you promise to me that you won't use those languages Can you be the example at school for other kids by using correct language and good language And she said, yes, dad. And so yeah. So it got me thinking though after, after she left, it got me thinking about a couple of things. Number one, I have always said that I want to be the one to teach my kids. I do not want the world to teach my kids. I did not want other influences. Teaching my kids, taking the responsibility as a parent, as a father, I am going to be the one to teach my kids

Speaker 1: What's up everybody This is Rad dad secrets, episode seven. Have you interviewed your kids
Speaker 2: So the big question is this, how do regular dads like us who weren't given a playbook on parenting will only have 24 hours in a day to make it all happen How do we provide for our families in a way that will allow us to raise happy, successful children and have a thriving marriage while still being a man and doing the things we love That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. This is Rad dad secrets.
Speaker 3: All right everybody. I'm here and I'm here with Eric Wagner and we were talking
Speaker 1: a while ago about something that, that Eric does that I think is really cool. Then I'm going to implement it into my family. He basically. Well, you know what I'm going to let him explain what he does with his kids. Eric, go ahead. Take it away. All right, so. So here's, here's what I started doing and I had heard about it a while ago, but honestly started at the beginning of this year and it is literally one of the best things I have done as a dad. So one of the things that I'm noticing and everybody tells me is that your kids grow up really, really ridiculously fast, right And it's happening right before my eyes. I have a 13 year old, five years is going to be 18 and heading out of the house, you know, in our church, we typically serve missions between 18, 19 years old.
Speaker 1: He's going to be gone just like that. So it's happening fast. And the problem is that as your kids get older, that you start to have this gap of communication, right And I'm starting to notice it with my team where it's getting a little bit more difficult to communicate. And there's moments where I'm like, okay, aliens have abducted my child and they left somebody else in his place because this is not the same kid. Um, he's definitely still in there, but the communication is getting a little bit more difficult. And the thing I started doing is a weekly interview now these interviews, it's not so much important exactly how I do it. I think as I explained this, I want you guys, everybody's listening. I want you to get your own style. I want you to get your own flavor. You're a personality mixed with your children and figure out this, this interview style that's going to be for you.
Speaker 1: And I used the word interview, but I mean really it's a friendly chat session where where everything is safe. So I'll explain a little bit, but the purpose behind this, you want to start them young and if your kids are already old, you know what the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. When's the second best time Right now you're, you're, there's this gap, right And you want to bridge the gap of communication so that when they're teens, there is no gap. The communication is completely there. When you start doing these interviews, you're essentially, they learned that you're their friend, right And I know in the last we talked about being a parent first and you can never forget that, but it's super critical that you're also their friend and when you do these interviews, they're going to realize that you're, you're their friend, you're easy to talk to because kids don't think you're easy to talk to you.
Speaker 1: I remember growing up thinking it was really hard to talk to my parents at times, but they're going to think you're easy to talk to. It builds trust and it shows them that you truly do care, and I'm going to tell you what these interviews are not, so this is not a time to discipline or criticize your children to sit there and point out their faults and you want to make sure that they're aware that no feelings and no thoughts are off limit. Everything's fair game right There's no judgments in that room. What happens in the interview stays in the interview to build that competence, one of the important things too is to make sure that they're&

Speaker 1: What's up everybody This is Eric and Jefferson coming at you with episode number five. Start with why and find your purpose as a dad
Speaker 2: So the big question is this, how do regular dads like us who weren't given a playbook on parenting will only have 24 hours in a day to make it all happen How do we provide for our families in a way that will allow us to raise happy, successful children and have a thriving marriage while still being a man and doing the things we love That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. This is Rad dad secrets. Hey, every body, Jefferson harmon here. I'm here with Eric Wagner, who want to kind of go over something that's pretty important to us. Should be
Speaker 1: I'm a huge Tony Robbins guy. I listen to a podcast a while back and he was talking with this individual about having an extraordinary life is an extraordinary dad life possible for you. You know, is. How do you define that Is it different for everybody Can you achieve it What does fulfillment as a father look like to you As he was talking with this individual It basically led him to this statement that he said, you have to start with your why. The why is the key to this is is the key to success. You have to find something that you value more than yourself. It's not all about you. In fact, when you make it, when you make it about you, it does not work, so you need to find your passion. What are you passionate about What gets you going What wakes you up in the morning, and then you just want to scream like, oh my gosh, I love today.
Speaker 1: Today's going to rock. What is that If you don't have that, find somebody that does have passion. Find somebody that has passion. Surround yourself with that person and figure out like, why What, what makes them tick I think you need to model what works, right If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Success leaves clues, and so what we want to go through today is just some, some things on how to figure out what your why is. If you already have that figured out, things that you can do on a daily basis that get you waking up in the morning excited about life, excited about being a dad, excited about, about being a productive member of society. If you guys can't tell I'm. This subject gets me jacked up like I am a. my wife calls me a self-help junkie. Like I love reading and listening to stuff that helps me become a better person.
Speaker 1: Jefferson, you know what you said that I loved. Success leaves clues and you got to figure out what your why is. Find that purpose. And I took a course a couple years ago, I think I mentioned in a previous podcast, but what it did for me in six, I'm. I'm a self help junkie too. I love the stuff and what this course did for me is, is I took these clues that all this success left for me, but I had to do the work myself. Right And you, if you haven't done the work for yourself, you've got to do that. And I'm gonna tell you right now, it's not always easy to figure this stuff out, but when you dig deep, when you really dig deep and find and think, figure out what your beliefs are, figure out what your purpose as a father is because I guarantee you have one.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be listening to this right now if you didn't have a purpose as a father and maybe you already know it, maybe you don't, I don't know, but if you haven't written it down, you have got to get that pen to paper and take the time. Sit down and really think about what your purpose is, your personal purpose as a father to your children. What is that What does that look like and what does that mean to you To me it means it means the world, and I do have this written out. I took a ton of time. I'm not going to read through everything here, but I will tell you a few of the things that I have written down right here in front of me and a few of the things, my my purpose as a dad come

Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome to Rad Dad Secrets. This is episode six, parent first, friend second.
Speaker 3: So the big question is how do regular dads like us who weren't given a playbook on parenting will only have 24 hours in a day to make it all happen How do we provide for our families in a way that will allow us to raise happy, successful children and have a thriving marriage while still being a man and doing the things we love That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. This is Rad dad secrets. All right guys,
Speaker 1: so happy to be here with you guys. And glad you guys are joining us today. We've got an awesome topic today called parent and friend. Second. So my buddy Jefferson over here, um, came up with this idea for this podcast and I think it's golden. So why don't you start us off here, Jefferson
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I, I read this on facebook. It was one of these little memes that uh, I'll just read right here, says my promise to my children for as long as I live, I will always be your parent first. And your friend second, I will stock you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a blonde bloodhound when I have to, because I love you. When you understand that I will know you have become a responsible adult. You will never find anyone else in your life who loves praise, cares and worries about you more than I do. If you don't matter, or if you don't mutter under your breath, I hate you at least once in your life. I'm not going. I'm not doing my job properly. Parts of this. I agree with that. I don't. I don't. Yes, I, I've always said, you know, if you're not making your kid hate you at least once a week, you're not doing your job. You know, it Kinda goes back to kind of marketing. You know what I was going to say that taken at least one person off by by noon. You're not doing your job right. I don't necessarily agree with that, but I do agree with the idea of parent first and then be be their friend second.
Speaker 1: One of the things that stuck out to me on that really quick, I just want to throw it I the older I get, the more respect I have for some of the things that my parents did, I was like, Oh man, I did not get why they were so strict on this or they wouldn't let me do that or this happened and I didn't get it, and now all of a sudden, and I'm sure a lot of you guys listening can relate to this, but you're parenting your kids and you're like, what the heck just happened I was my dad for a second, and sometimes that's good. Sometimes it's not good, but either way you start to value and see why your parents did certain things and you start to understand. So just when it said, once you come to grips with why your parents did all this stuff, that's when you become an adult. So I guess in the last maybe year or so I became an adult. I don't know. I'm 39 now, but just getting there. Anyway, just wanted to throw that in there. I liked that. That was really cool.
Speaker 2: I feel like society right now has a lot of parent friends. What, what should we call them Fragrance for. That's not a very good word, but we'll, we'll come up with a word and yeah, we'll uh, we'll coined the term prints, prints. I like that. And what happens is we're raising a society that does not respect authority because they were not taught how to respect authority because they're, their parents were, you know, whether it's to the teachers, whether it's just to um, to police were, I mean, whatever it is, authority, they're not teaching them properly how to respect them. And so basically I went in an article I read, they, this person broke down, parents parenting into kind of two roles and emotional role and a functional role. And they said, um, they, they explained it really well when we are babies, we need both of those, you know, we needed our parents to fulfill both of those roles. And so

Speaker 1: Hey everybody, welcome to Rad Dad Secrets episode number 15, how a trip without my kids helped me become a better.
Speaker 2: So the big question is this. How do regular dads like us who weren't given a playbook on parenting, who only have 24 hours in a day to make it all happen How do we provide for our families in a way that will allow us to raise happy, successful children and have a thriving marriage while still being a man and doing the things we love That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. This is Rad dad secrets. Okay, everybody. Hey Jefferson Harmon here. I recently returned from a trip to Disneyland with my wife and no kids kids.
Speaker 1: It was one of the best experiences I've ever had in my life. I love Disneyland. My wife and I, that's one of our favorite places to go is Disneyland. I know it sounds crazy and Jim Gaffigan does a bit on this about the crazy adults that are there with no kids. Yes, that was my wife, myself and a couple of members of her family. Well, most of her family. Uh, the adults in her family. We went to Disneyland to celebrate a birthday of somebody in one of my inlaws. It was one of the funnest times I've ever had in my life. Uh, we were there for five days in the park, going back from, from Disneyland to California adventure. We were there for five days. We walked over 70 miles. I was about to say 70,000 miles, but now 20,000 steps a day, 70 miles. In those five days, we were exhausted.
Speaker 1: I felt like when I came back, I needed a vacation from my vacation, but it was super fun. Now going away with my wife, just, just her and I without the kids is crucial in becoming a totally red debt for me. I love my children, but at the same time, I need time to reconnect with my spouse. This one on one time helps us reconnect without the hustle and bustle of every single day life. We live very neat. I say hectic lives. My wife, she is the, the master of the house. She, she's the, the taxi driver. She's the cook. She does most of the chores. I help around the house a little bit, but she is basically the air traffic controller of the house. She, she makes sure things are nice and organized in the house. And we have five kids and tonight we actually signed every single one of them up for soccer.
Speaker 1: We have three kids in track, so three of those kids are going to do soccer and track. We have my three girls are in dance, so some of my kids have, we live busy lives and I know I'm preaching to the choir there. There are many of you dads and moms out there that also from lead busy lives. So this right here is one of the most important things that I can do for my marriage is take time away from my kids to reconnect with my wife. I want to say that we, we go on about a couple of vacations a year without the kids. Uh, and it's, it's some of my favorite times now vacationing with my family. It's again, it's one of my favorite times as well. But going away, just my wife and I is, is phenomenal and it is a crucial, crucial step in becoming a totally rad dead.
Speaker 1: Now my wife and I were walking around Disneyland and I was thinking to myself, this place has it figured out. They have everything figured out now. They've had years and years and years to perfect what they've, what they're doing. Uh, we walked around one day and we just, we were kind of looking around and as much garbage as they sell, as much food and souvenirs and everything that they sell inside the park. If you go to Disneyland and look around, you will hardly find trash on the ground, even if it's just popcorn or, or just food. You know, kids will be eating food and they'll spill. I mean, Mike and my kids still all the time, but spilling food on the ground, you will rarely find litter on the ground as, because they have tons and tons of cast members. That's a, that's what they call their employees.
Speaker 1: If yo