Masculinity, Fatherhood, & Man Up

08/31/23 • 47 min

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What do college students think about masculinity? About fatherhood? About the trauma & violence faced by men in society?

Kevin Roy, a family science professor at the University of Maryland (& father of 3 sons), encourages his students to discuss these topics (& more) in his popular class, “Man Up.”

“Young women come in saying, ‘what is going on with guys?'” Kevin says. “The young men who take the course are really interested in exploring different ways of thinking about, ‘what is it to be guy?'”

Discussing “Toxic Masculinity”

A lot of people enter the class with the impression that “masculinity is toxic. That men, by nature, do horrible things,” Kevin says, noting that many students (both male and female) have had negative experiences with men prior to his class.

He uses a public health lens to help students explore the idea that, “Men aren’t toxic by nature or nurture. What’s toxic is men’s choices and behaviors that are harmful.” He helps students explore and understand the threats men face to their masculinity, as well as the ways men may respond.

One thing many students don’t understand at the beginning of class is that “men never feel safe in their masculinity,” Kevin says. “They’re always challenged; you always have to earn it and you can always be called out.”

Helping Boys Consider Fatherhood

Modeling may be the best way to help boys understand the roles and responsibilities of fatherhood, Kevin says, noting that it’s most helpful if boys see fathers engaged in the gamut of parenting — feelings and all.

“If we want our boys to be that way, we have to be that way with them now,” he says. Exposure to men in caregiving roles outside of the house — teacher, childcare provider, nurse — are also helpful.

In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kevin discuss:

Young people’s hunger to discuss masculinity
The diversity of the fatherhood experience
Threats to masculinity
Body image pressure
Boys’ friendships
Making space for dads to connect
Marriage and fatherhood

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

We Must Expand that Definition of Masculinity for White, Cisgender Men: ‘Ted Lasso’ Offers a Guide – Baltimore Sun op-ed by Kevin
Nurturing Dads: Fatherhood Initiatives Beyond the Wallet, by by William Marsiglio & Kevin Roy
Body Image, Eating Disorders, and Boys — ON BOYS episode
Gender Equality, Boys, & Men — ON BOYS episode with Richard V. Reeves
Dads Matter (w Marion Hill) — ON BOYS episode
The New Masculinity — ON BOYS episode

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Sponsor Spotlight: Smart for Life

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What do college students think about masculinity? About fatherhood? About the trauma & violence faced by men in society?

Kevin Roy, a family science professor at the University of Maryland (& father of 3 sons), encourages his students to discuss these topics (& more) in his popular class, “Man Up.”

Discussing “Toxic Masculinity”

Helping Boys Consider Fatherhood

In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kevin discuss:

Young people’s hunger to discuss masculinity
The diversity of the fatherhood experience
Threats to masculinity
Body image pressure
Boys’ friendships
Making space for dads to connect
Marriage and fatherhood

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

We Must Expand that Definition of Masculinity for White, Cisgender Men: ‘Ted Lasso’ Offers a Guide – Baltimore Sun op-ed by Kevin
Nurturing Dads: Fatherhood Initiatives Beyond the Wallet, by by William Marsiglio & Kevin Roy
Body Image, Eating Disorders, and Boys — ON BOYS episode
Gender Equality, Boys, & Men — ON BOYS episode with Richard V. Reeves
Dads Matter (w Marion Hill) — ON BOYS episode
The New Masculinity — ON BOYS episode

Sponsor Spotlight: Better Help

Therapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%

Sponsor Spotlight: Smart for Life

Use code ONBOYS20 for 20% off your next order

Sponsor Spotlight: Factor

Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off

Sponsor Spotlight: TonieBox

Use code ONBOYS to save 15%

Sponsor Spotlight: Herbal-zzZs

Previous Episode

Boys, Babies, & Breastfeeding

What do boys need to know about birth, babies, and breastfeeding?

A lot more than we’re currently teaching them. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), 83.2% infants born in 2019 (the last year for which data is available) started out receiving some breast milk, and 78.6% were receiving any breast milk at 1 month. At 6 months, 55.8% of infants received any breast milk and 24.9% received breast milk exclusively. Breastfeeding rates tend to decline over time due to systemc medical and cultural barriers, says Lo Nigrosh, a birth doula and a international board certified lactation consultant.

Think about it: Boys who don’t learn about birth, babies, or breastfeeding grow up into men who who don’t understand birth, babies, or breastfeeding. Some will become fathers who unwittingly undercut their partners’ confidence. Some will become employers and legislators who pass policies and laws that don’t consider the realities of birth and infant feeding.

“Unless we specifically teach boys about breastfeeding” and birth, then they aren’t going to know about it or be able to provide the physical, logistical, and emotional support their future spouses, partners, and friends may need, says Lo, who also hosts The Milk Making Minutes podcast. Guys “aren’t just going to magically understand milk supply once they become adults, if we don’t start this education early and don’t expose them to all types of baby feeding.”

In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Lo discuss:

Why boys need to know about birth, babies & breastfeeding
How to talk to & teach boys about breastfeeding and other infant feeding techniques
Supporting boys who play with dolls and mimic breastfeeding
Teaching boys about menstruation & female reproduction
Why robotic babies may not be the best way to teach boys (or girls) about families & infant care

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

The Milk Making Minutes podcast — Lo’s podcast

www.quabbinbirthservices.com – Lo’s website

Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males — Jen’s book

Secrets of the Elephants — documentary series

Buffy & Big Bird breasfeeding clip

Sponsor Spotlight: Better Help

Therapy to help you live a more empowered life. Go to BetterHelp.com/onboys to save 10%

Sponsor Spotlight: Herbal-zzZs

Use code ONBOYS25 to save 25% site-wide

Sponsor Spotlight: Baby Quip

Use code ONBOYS for $20 off your reservation of $100 or more.

Sponsor Spotlight: Factor

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Next Episode

Parenting During Crisis & Catastrophe

Crisis and catastrophe no longer seem so rare.

There were 51 school shootings that resulted in injury or death in 2022. Wildfires are destroying communities and affecting air quality. Hurricanes, heat, infectious disease (malaria is back in the U.S & COVID-19 infections are rising), increasing rates of depression and suicide...it’s a lot. And that’s on top of the now-typical anxiety many parents and kids feel about school and sports performance.

“We, as parents and caregivers of kids, are constantly confronted by the low to loud crises and catastrophic conditions in our lives,” says Stephanie Malia Krauss, author of Whole Child, Whole life: 10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, & Thrive. The question we’re faced with is, How do we support kids in challenging times?

Whole Child, Whole Life Approach to Thriving

Parents & educators can take comfort in the fact that there are core practices that support health, healing, learning, & development, all at the same time. Work on these 5 categories:

Safe & supported. Physical and emotional safety are essential to kids’ well-being. How can you help your child feel safe & supported? (The answer may be different for each child.)
Rooted & connected. Do your children feel connected to and valued within a community? Do they feel settled?
Healthy & healing. How is your child’s physical and emotional health? Is he getting the support he needs for his body & brain? Sleep? Exercise? Nutrition?
Learning & growing. Novelty is actually a basic need for children, Stephanie says. Support & encourage kids’ curiosity, imagination, and learning.
Living with joy & purpose. Does your child’s life include joy & purpose? How can you include more joy & purpose?

“Those five conditions of thriving will protect and support a kid even in catastrophe or crisis,” Stephanie says. She reminds parents that “we have so much power to create conditions that will help our kids weather adversity.”

Taking time to meet your own needs is another way you can help your kids thrive. “Thriving begets thriving,” Stephanie says, “and it is even more contagious than anxiety.”

In this episode, Jen & Stephanie discuss: