Dad University Podcast

While we love our children, there are simply recurring things that happen over and over that are annoying.  For episode 113, we explore 25 of the Most Annoying Things Young Kids Do. 1. Whining 2. They ask so many questions 3. Ask the same questions over and over 4. Saying “dad” (or mom) over and over 5. They are loud 6. Not listening 7. Not cleaning up clothes, costumes, toys – all over the house 8. Leaving small toys in the walkway to step on 9. Finding food somewhere it’s not supposed to be 10. Clothes right next to the laundry basket – they just don’t seem to make it inside it 11. Toothpaste all over the sink 12. Toothpaste lid never on the toothpaste 13. Not finishing their food and then asking for something else 14. Bringing mud into the house on their shoes 15. Singing the same song over and over and over again 16. Watching the same thing over and over and over again 17. They move really slow, especially when you are in a hurry 18. They eat really slow, especially when you don’t 19. They ask for desserts, candy, or anything sugar related constantly 20. They will interrupt you when you are talking 21. They want to constantly use your phone 22. When they play electronics or games, they won’t answer you or even look up. 23. They tell you last minute that they need something for school 24. They will argue something they have no idea about – and say you are wrong 25. They are always there.…

For many people in North America, being thankful and expressing gratitude is something that only happens once a year.  Having a holiday like Thanksgiving shines a light on being thankful and forces everyone to stop and think about gratitude for a second.  The thing we are missing out on is that practicing gratitude is so powerful, that it can literally change your life.  Do you get depressed often?  Do you find yourself wanting more all the time?  A better car? A nicer house?  Is your relationship rocky?  Do you find yourself arguing all the time?  Do your kids drive you crazy? What if I told you that all of these things can improve with gratitude? While thanksgiving is primarily a North American holiday, there are other countries that have similar holidays in which giving thanks and being grateful is part of the celebration.  For many years, one of the traditions of my family was going around the room at Thanksgiving dinner and saying something that you were thankful for. Certainly, it’s a great exercise, especially for young kids to be thinking about gratitude and what they are thankful for. I can’t emphasize enough how impactful gratitude can be. One of the areas I just mentioned was depression. Gratitude is the antidote to depression.  Let me say that again because it’s really important: gratitude is the antidote to depression.  It is nearly impossible to be depressed if you are grateful. So if you are someone that feels down a lot.  You need to start practicing gratitude.  Here’s a disclaimer first.  If you have severe depression, thought of suicide, or have tried many things with no luck, please seek professional help in your area. But for many people who feel down, if there was an easy and FREE way to get you out of your ruts, to bounce back from those times when you are feeling down, would you do it?  I’m not promising this happens overnight, although there have been times where this will change my thought immediately. Here are a couple of things you can do to practice gratitude: 1) Write down what you are grateful for.  Put a notepad next to your bed and right when you wake up or right before you go to sleep, write down 3 things you are grateful for.  I am thankful for the roof over my head, that I have food to eat..  Or maybe you are thankful that your children are healthy.  Writing it down is very important as it solidifies it. While there might be some huge weights keeping you down right now, you are trying to train your brain to think about the positive things instead of the bad. And it works. 2) Gratitude Meditation – Use YouTube or a meditation app and find a 5 minute guided gratitude meditation. You close your eyes and someone will talk you through the meditation.  It’s easy, only takes a few minutes, and it can leave you feeling great afterward. 3) Replace Negative Thoughts With Gratitude – Catch yourself when you say something negative or are thinking about something negative and replace it with a positive, gratitude statement.  For example, this traffic is horrible.  Replace the thought with “I can’t do anything about this traffic, I’m going to listen to some music and enjoy the time I have in the car.”  This one is not easy.  We all have constant negative thoughts throughout the day.  You have to catch yourself when you do this and turn it around.  There are so many ways in which gratitude and being thankful can positively impact our lives: Are you wanting more things all the time?  Car? House? We need to be grateful for what we already have.  More things will come into our lives when we appreciate what we already have. Are you critical of your spouse and always pointing out what they are doing wrong?  Turn it around and focus on what they are doing right.  Did your wife take care of the baby this morning?  Be grateful you have a partner you trust to watch your child.   Did clean underwear just magically appear in your drawer?  Be grateful someone else did your laundry.

You room is always a mess You never listen to me You are so picky with your food.  You take so long to get ready  If you are human, you might recognize some of these.  They are common complaints that parents have.  We get frustrated with our children's behavior, so we complain thinking they are going to change. How's that working for you? As a recovering complainer, I'm going to help you stop complaining so you can actually get your kids or whoever you want to listen to you.  This works in relationships too. Let's go over some fundamentals about complaining: #1 - Everyone does it - That certainly doesn't make it right.  The average person complains about 30 times a day.  I don't think most people realize that they are complaining, but they do. #2 - Complaining effects our brain - so complaining actually rewires our brains for negativity.  It changes stuff in your brain.  I'm not a doctor but that can't be good. #3 - Complaining effects our health - It releases cortisol and consistent release of cortisol has a bunch of bad effects on your health. Can make your stress and anxiety worse and increase blood pressure. Even with the bad effects, the biggest issue we are talking about here is that 4) Complaining doesn't change behavior - complaining is not an effective strategy for change.  This has been proven. If you want your kids to listen to you or you want to change their behavior, complaining is not the answer.  One really effective way is to ask questions. Let's look the examples from the beginning of the video: Complaint - You room is always a mess Instead say - What do you need to do before you go out and play?  or:  Did you want to clean your room before or after you do your homework? Asking them questions is always a good strategy as you let them come up with the solution and they get to make the choice.  Here's another: Complaint - You never listen to me Instead ask:  Would you prefer to take a shower or bath? or What do we do with our dirty clothes when we take them off?  They learn better by having to think of the answer and answering the question. Try this one: Complaint - You are so picky with your food. Instead ask - Do you want your pasta with red sauce or no sauce? or Do you want carrots or celery with your dinner? Labeling them as picky is not going to help them be bolder with their food choices.  Work with them not against them. and finally: Complaint - I'm tired of you taking so long to get ready Instead ask: What could I do to help you get ready faster? or if you have a chart for them in the morning:  What time do you need to be done eating breakfast? In all of these scenarios we are asking questions to help them understand and solve the problem.  So here is a summary: 1) Complaining doesn't work - we got that one 2) Ask questions instead of complaining 3) a bonus tip:  Use positive re-enforcement -  When they do listen or do what you have asked, make a huge deal about it:  Thank you so much for cleaning your room.  I really appreciate it. If you stop complaining and use these techniques your children will be more likely to listen to you and you will have lower blood pressure.

I was born in the mid 70s and grew up in the early 80s. Times were different and parenting was definitely different. There was a huge difference in what people thought was safe and what kids were aloud to do. I thought it would be fun to go over some of the things we did as kids and see how times are quite different now. Helmets - I'm not sure how many concussions it took for people to realize that it's probably a good idea to wear a helmet. Bicycles helmets weren't required until about 1987 and even then we really didn't wear them. I grew up skate boarding and unless you were going on a large ramp or doing something crazy, we didn't wear helmets. Same goes for snow skiing. Riding in the back of a truck - We were just camping this past weekend and about 10 of us piled into the back of a truck just to take us down a dirt road for bit. I was remembering how we used to be able to ride in the back of a truck without issue. At least in most parts of the US, parents wouldn't think of that now. Seat belts - My seat belt was my dads arm. Now the restraints and belts, cart seats with specific requirements. The laws are very strict now. All states have a law by 1985. But even in 1987 only 80% of children used a car seat. Sunscreen - I grew up in sunny southern california and the only sunblock we put on was maybe a little on our nose if we were going to the beach. My kids now are putting sunblock on almost daily before going to school. Granted my wife is a nurse working in skincare but I see so many kids being lathered up with sunscreen before school. Grounding - I think there are still parents that do it but it was really prevelant when I was a kid. Kids were getting grounded left and right for everything. Now you see parents either being much softer of their kids or the approach I prefer which is talking to my kids about right and wrong and allowing more natural consequences to happen. Playing outside - We simply needed to be back when the street lights came on. I don't think my parents knew where we were half of the time. Nor did they seem to care. We would ride our bikes miles away, playing in forests. Now parents need to know exactly where their child is and/or be able to see them and keep them close. Smoking - It was not uncommon for parents to smoke in the car or in the house. I recalled going over to my friends house. His dad smoked and it always smelled so bad to me. So many more people smoked cigarettes back then that it was common. Dad's Role - In the 80s, less moms worked. At least where we lived, most of the moms stayed at home or maybe had part time jobs. As we got a little older, my mom began teaching her courses at night. The roles of dads is different now. i think dad spend more times with their kids and being involved in their activities. I just released my Free Webinar, 6 Proven Strategies to Be a Better Father. This is a free 1 hour online class. Take your Dad Skills to the next level! Reserve Your Spot.