CHiP the Keeper Soccer Podcast

TBH I don't remember what happens in this episode except Everton sucks and Kiran isn't here to defend his club or to make wrong predictions.

Kiran hosts as we welcome guest Saswot Risal, a Liverpool supporter who is just as unbearable as the rest of em. We begin with a discussion about Russia's imposed war on Ukraine and what that means for the footballing world from Daddy Abramovich's Chelsea ownership to Infantino's pinky swear friendship bracelet from Putin. Afterwards, we mostly spend an insignificant amount of time on pretty much everything except for talking (or, in Pranav and Saswot's case, reminiscing) about the Carabao Cup Final while Kiran makes dinner.

Kiran hosts today and finally introduces himself as such. Matt Kaz, Gooner and creator of the legendary CHiP the Keeper intro fills in for a strangely absent Chris despite this being the first week United did something by deleeding Bielsa's men. And since Chris isn't here, we don't talk about them at all for the first time in pod history and instead spend like 35 perfectly good minutes blathering on about Arsenal and whether they suck a lot or just a little... or maybe don't suck at all?? Speaking of suck a lot or a little or not at all, not even Kaz can deny Harry Kane's masterclass against the Bald Fraud's Pityzens to orchestrate the immaculate conception of a title race which, until now, only existed in Pranav's wet dreams. And of course, we cannot move on from the Premier League without addressing an all time PREMIER LEAGUE RECORD: 7 touches in an entire match by the world's most expensive lawn gnome, Lakaka. Atleti and Barca are put under a microscope as we examine their even table standing before focusing in on Aubameyang doing his best competent striker impression and dropping a hatty on Valencia. The Serie A title race seems to be ending up rather similarly to the Prem's top 4 race as all 3 teams in contention make seemingly conscious decisions not to win. We pretend to care about Serie A before pretty much completely skipping over the Bundesliga and moving on to Champions League where Kiran has to face his weekly allotted time as the court jester for his predictions. The boys then give their predictions for the weeks upcoming UCL and Prem fixtures as Pranav and Hunter are both convinced they'll lose the Mickey Mouse Cup final to make themselves feel better for actually losing it.

Notably absent from the pod: Chris Wood meowing at Kurt Zouma for the duration of that match

*Apologies for audio issues*

Chris hosts a full house today as we start by discussing Newcastle's newly found ability to win games. We then discuss how a man who spent 250 million dollars and got fired won a game convincingly against Leeds. If Lampard + Everton ends up being a successful combo, maybe two wrongs really do make a right. The race to 4th spot in the Prem continues to look like a sad, sad game of hot potato. Against everyone's better judgment, Hunter is given a whopping 3 minutes to talk about Chelsea's heroic, backbreaking, inspiring victory against goliaths Palmeiras to become Champions of the World. The crew discusses their favorite title race in Italy. Our favorite thirst-trapping barista, Olivier Giroud, scores 2 goals in 3 minutes after being sold for 1 million and being replaced by Wonder-miss Werner in order to seal the victory in a Milan Derby 6 pointer. Bayern Munich loses yay. Barcelona Adama Traoreturned to their form from 2010 after a convincing win against Unatletico to secure 3 points and yet another Kiran wrong prediction. Redemption for Kiran comes in the form of an AFCON final discussion where Senegal wins its first African Cup in history off the backs of Mane and future Ballon d'Or 3rd place finisher Mendy. Lastly, the crew talks their UCL predictions where Kiran's will inevitably be incorrect despite his protestations.

*apologies for audio issues!*

Kiran hosts today as Joe joins Pranav and Chris to review the transfer window winners, losers, and Hotspurs. Also, Kiran shares his passionate thoughts on the Portuguese League. We then look all across Europe to leagues where literally nothing has happened since our last pod but we feel our opinion is important anyway (why do you think we started a podcast?). After Kiran tries to sneak the Uber Eats League in there again and pretend that it's competitive, we move briefly on to the USMNT's trials and tribulations in World Cup qualifying after losing 2-0 to South Alaska in between wins against El Salvador and Honduras, with the latter being played in Ronaldo's cryogenic therapy chamber. We give our predictions on the Milan Derby and a Barca-Atletico 6 pointer before we wrap up the show. Bonus: minimal Chelsea mentions