Ep. 17 - WTF Is Emotional Competency with Doug Noll

On today’s episode we’ll talk to Doug Noll, author of “De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less” and an accomplished speaker and teacher around how to solve difficult, intractable, and highly emotional problems.
Douglas E. Noll, JD, MA left a successful career as a trial lawyer to become a peacemaker. His calling is to serve humanity, and he executes his calling at many levels. He is an award-winning author, teacher, and trainer as well as a highly experienced mediator. Doug’s work carries him from international work to helping people resolve deep interpersonal and ideological conflicts.
Show notes:

• Learn more about Doug at https://dougnoll.com
• Get the book! De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less
• Improve your emotional competency: Unleash The Power of Your Hidden Genius: How To Be A Person Of Influence, Power And Authority And...Handle Any Situation With Utter Confidence
  

1. Emotional Competence is:

• Emotional Self-Awareness
• Emotional Self-regulations
• Cognitive & affective empathy

2. Emotional Invalidation is:

• Emotional invalidation is when a person's thoughts and feelings are rejected, ignored, or judged.
• The most pervasive and insidious form of abuse that exists, and most of us do it unintentionally.
• Dysfunctional form of anxiety self-soothing.

3. How do you improve your emotional competence?

• Understand what emotions are and recognize our own, and how we turn affect into words - self awareness
• Learn how to read emotional data fields. We can develop this skill to become cognitively more aware by presenting a “you statement” with affect labeling -
  • Derived from reading another person’s emotional data fields. “You are angry”
• Mirroring - repeating back what the person said, verbatim to confirm instructions
• Paraphrasing - reflecting your own understanding of the speaker’s words with your own words
  • The “I” statements you’ve heard about are bullshit - I use I statements to talk about me, I’ll use a “you” statement to talk about someone else’s feeling. (Not “I hear that you’re feeling xyz”)
• Core messaging - look for the meaning under the words and give it back to them in the form of a metaphor
• Affect labeling - ignore words, read emotional data fields, reflect back speaker’s words with a you statement -
  • Neuroscience shows this type of skill helps de-escalate and develops your emotional awareness skill

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• Learn more about Doug at https://dougnoll.com
• Get the book! De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less
• Improve your emotional competency: Unleash The Power of Your Hidden Genius: How To Be A Person Of Influence, Power And Authority And...Handle Any Situati

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