#22 - Katalin : From traumas to a flourishing sex life (ENG)

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Accept everything changes continuously, life, yourself, your partner and play with it. Make it simple.
Her advice to you: Stay curious and open your mind. Sometimes you don't understand, that's fine, don't blame or judge. Just listen to the truth of each one. Implement new way of thinking in your life; it will help you to go further in many ways. 1:52 - Presentation of Katalin. 3:00 - Sexual life is made of many breakthrough and many little steps, it's not easy to select 3 key moments or phases of my sexual life. 3:22 - The first major moment in my life is when I lost my virginity. It was a kind of taboo. Sex education was like explaining how a car is working, but experience it is totally different. Sex is the same, doing it is so different from the functionning. 4:30 - The first time (first penetration) was in a rush. I felt in love, together forever. But the whole experience was awful and painful. 5:06 - If this experience is what sex is about then it is not my journey. Lot of shame and guilt around it due to conditionning. 5:30 - If you lost your virginity, you become broken, like a second class to go in a new relationship or mariage. 5:57 - The second relationship was better but so far from what we can create in a flourishing relationship. 6:50 - Over and over again you are discovering and progressing. You can imagine where you can go but it's only once you are there that you start to see there are more options, possibilities. The openness in this second relationship was a big turning point. Because before that it was hard to discuss. 7:30 - Before I lost my virginity, I was sexually abused by an adult I trusted in. So afterwards, it was difficult to open myself again with adults.
8:30 - The limit in the relationship was about knowledge and understanding. We were really open. 8:56 - I was a single mother. And I got a long relationship afterwards with someone. But there the communication about sex and desire was an obstacle. 9:25 - Being in a relationship was part of the conditionning too, being in a monogamy relationship. It is your responsability to express your own desire. 10:35 - I was open to learn, to go to workshop, but not my partner at that time. 10:50 - It is frequent in couple that one is ready to progress but not the other. 11:30 - If I come to you to say I want to improve. It equals "it is not good". That's why this approach usually fails. It doesn't mean something went wrong. Look at products on the market, so many products exist, work and are improved anyway to become beter and better. 12:12 - If you take if for yourself, from the ego, you can block the discussion. If you understand you can learn, play, everything is in progress, it is easier. The inner voice is telling us "I would like to progress, I would like to discover something". I would like to share it. It is not related to anything you did, I would like, as a partner, to progress together. Try something new. Some people take it personnally and sometime with jealousy. 13:58 - Conditioning of children too, passing by generation to generation, by indirect message by the surroundings. How we are supposed to behave, do, say. 14:40 - We are all different. 16:07 - The 3 of us are coaches, and for us too, it was a succession of small and big steps. Even with lots of tools, communication it can be challenging to express our desire for a more delightful sex life. 17:08 - It is related to the rules. When the relationship is starting, are you clear with your rules breakers (eg monogamy) ? So many times we hide our rules breakers. 19:37 - Monogamy may have complete different meaning for each of the partner. And it evolves wth time. 20:10 - Start to learn what you need. How to share in an open way with your partner. 20:55 - We are changing continously. And that's what people doesn't accept, in their life, work and relationship. Accept first I am changing myself as I am discovering more and more. And also my partner is changing and get different desires. 21:28 - What I found in that relationship, is that I was growing faster. I was willing to invest more energy for this growth and changes. It is a dedication to change stuff and habits. And when you become passionnated, you discover more state and joy. Your discover ideas and want to try. But my ex partner was not open. 23:05 - The 3rd event was the discovery of OM (Orgasmic Meditation). I waited about 2 years to start this journey. I discovered to learn about myself. 24:15 - The list of what I found beautiful in OM. 25:35 - On a deeper way, it was the first time I observed my body with simplicity. With no justifications. 27:13 - Justifying emotion is a way to give more meaning and pressure (on others) to make it happens. 28:01 - The experience of OM by Olivier. 29:39 - My biggest obstacle at the begining as a man. How to ask to make love with my partner. 32:35 - Learn to be in the present. Each experience is different. 32:55 - Katalin's ...